Ive finally told my parents i dont believe in god any more

[valo567]

This is a letter i am tacking on the door of my parents bedroom for them to read when they wake up. They are both quite pissed at me (as they are both pretty hardcore into catholicism) and i just feel the need to get some outside opinion on this and some tips on how to counter the religious bullshit they throw at me!



As of now, I don’t believe in a higher being, but I do believe in being a good person. If this turns out to be some sort of a phase for me, then I will change whenever that time comes. Nothing has changed except my belief system (Im not a devil worshipper or anything, so you can stop with that Mom cause that’s starting to sound like a broken record around now!!). Im sorry if I offended yesterday but I went to mass as a sign of respect to Grandma and Mom, nothing more, nothing less. The day I decided to finally stop going to church, that was actually a decision I made 3 months prior but decided on still going to church as not to flip any of you out (as the house was in the process of being sold and I didn’t want to aggravate the situation if the house did not end up being sold and I wanted to wait to do this). So you should know, this isn’t an act of rebellion. This is my OWN decision and that was not made by ANY outside factors and ive done research on both sides of the issue. This was not something that was done on a whim. This was made by spending many days dwelling on this issue. I just got fed up with bottling up my true feelings inside and not being able to outwardly express them. I hope this does not change anything between us and I still love you both. I know things may get rough this year due to my tough classes and I hope you’ll both stick by me regardless. Today, im not going to dodge the issue and walk away without saying anything like the coward ive been acting like lately dealing with this with you. I am actually going to sit down with you and talk about this situation like a mature individual and hope that this can be resolved with as little argument and yelling as possible. I love you both and will discuss this further in the morning.

If you want to fight about it, so be it (I hope this isn’t the case).
If you want to sit down for a sensible talk, so be it.
Hopefully, this can be resolved in a mature and sensible manner like adults.

---Andrew

[FreedomHippie]

If your parents are hardcore like you say i dont think anything you say to them will get them to change their mind but what can they really do?

[tricky]

good for you.

[valo567]

This has been a tough thing to do especially since i was an altar server all up until the tail end of going to high school (They basically thought of me sorta like that kid from that Morel Orel TV show on adult swim) and your parents subscribe to the catholic free press and donate to all these catholic charities and such. Any space on the fridge not adorned with family pictures are catholic magnets and all those free church prayer cards with Jesus and Mary and such.

This is not something that will sit well with em but if theyre not willing to deal with it, then a fight they will get (Im ready for one cause im pretty sure thats what the arguement will boil down to. Just useless fucking yelling and screaming like always)

[nshanin]

Your letter is VERY well written, good job on finally telling them the truth; they'll get used to it eventually.

You should try not to convince them to also not believe in God because that's a) Clearly not going to change and b) only going to spur more conflict. Although I'm sure you knew that. Trust me, it might be hard the first few months but eventually it's worth it to be yourself in what's supposed to be your most accepting enviornment--your family.<----bring that one up.

[Kazz]

Valo, first I would like to say that I am proud of you in a sense. I'm an atheist myself, I know atheists, and from my experience more often than not this issue is never settled in a mature manner... usually resulting in the kid flipping out and never, ever, settling anything. Your letter is mature and well written, well expressed... and I can not stress enough the need for you to stay that way, when you finally do sit down and talk. The more yelling you do, the worse you're going to make this. You sound like a bright kid. Stay that way... and no matter what they throw at you (and I'm sure, they will throw all kinds of things) be calm, and don't lose your head.

I am also proud that you do come out and speak of this issue, rather than just letting it sit inside of you out of fear or nervousness. It is no way for you to live your life, and in my opinion it's not right to trick these people into thinking you believe something you don't... even if it is for their own good. Too many people let the fear or pressure trample over them. Your actions are very respectable, and very admirable.

How old are you? If you every need somebody to talk to about this, or anything related to this... you can email me at [email protected], or chat with me in Yahoo or MSN. I'll do whatever I can to help.

As for the morning... good luck. It's never an easy talk... and just assure your parents that you love them, and you aren't going to change the person you are. One method that might make things easier for you, if your parents are hardcore religious, would be to tell them that you still DO believe in the teachings of Jesus Christ, and the morals that he preaches... Love and Forgiveness, etc. You can say that this is not going to change, and that if you are mistaken, and there really is an "all good and loving" God as expressed in the bible, you believe he will understand and look at you as the person you are and the life you live, rather than where you place your faith. This could soften the matter up for you a little bit... it really depends on your parents. If they tell you that you're wrong... then just calmly say that this is the decision you've arrived at after long thought, and say that you've felt this way for some time. It is also important that you state you respect their beliefs... and don't think less of them. You don't want to come across like you think you're better than them.

A lot of blindly religious people, cannot comprehend living a good and moral life without God. This could be very scary for them. Another common struggle, has to do with the fact that they believe you will not go to heaven with them. The first is relatively easy to convince and disprove... but the latter is likely to extend for a very long time... and has the ability to cause a lot of future pain for them. Just be gentle.

Good luck man. If you ever need anything, like I said, don't be afraid to contact me. Atheism itself can be a somewhat lonely and confusing subject if you are new to it... and if you'd like to talk about mere atheism itself, I'm here for ya.

I hope they don't take the "God by force" approach and try to make your life a living hell. This has happened to my girlfriend, and another close friend. If this happens, I believe I also have some worthy advice if you need help along the way.

Good luck, and take care.

~Chris

[Thunderhammer]

If you want to fight about it, so be it (I hope this isn’t the case).
If you want to sit down for a sensible talk, so be it.
Hopefully, this can be resolved in a mature and sensible manner like adults.



You understand how pointless that statement is to people who are 'hardcore'?

Obviously, your parents will decide that whatever action they take, it will be a mature one because they are sensible adults.

Not you.

P.S: I had fun finding this one out.

[Lord. Better Than You]

Thunderhammer is right, son. You're just going to have to accept that you have no rights.

:)

NO RIGHTS!

[Jove]

Not that I disagree with your position but what does it matter what you believe? You could just as easily conceal your feelings and just let them go on believing that you are a good little Catholic. That sort of thing really makes them happy and does you no harm. Making your opinion on the matter public (to your parents) just seems to exacerbate your dilemma... it makes it seem more like you're lashing out in a rebellious phase.

I mean if you don't believe it... well then don't, but why make a big presentation of it? Soon enough you'll be out of their house... Go and worship a gopher if you wish (or not LOL), but let your parents have their little delusions.... don't say things to your kin that you will later regret.

[Kazz]

Not that I disagree with your position but what does it matter what you believe? You could just as easily conceal your feelings and just let them go on believing that you are a good little Catholic. That sort of thing really makes them happy and does you no harm. Making your opinion on the matter public (to your parents) just seems to exacerbate your dilemma... it makes it seem more like you're lashing out in a rebellious phase.

I mean if you don't believe it... well then don't, but why make a big presentation of it? Soon enough you'll be out of their house... Go and worship a gopher if you wish (or not LOL), but let your parents have their little delusions.... don't say things to your kin that you will later regret.

That might be the "nice" thing to do... but he's a human being man. Nobody can expect him to just live on his knees like that... and frankly, nice or not, I don't think it's right to live life, a big part of life, as a huge lie... especially to those you love. The guilt that would put on somebody can't be healthy. He feels trapped and bottled up... and if for nobody else's sake, then for his own sake I think this is something that needs to come out.

I have friends that are closet atheists... and although it may make the family situation easier, the stress it puts on the individual is horrible.

But, idk... each situation is different.

Disagreeing with your parents on this issue doesn't have to come off as rebellion. If he does this right, then it won't come off as rebellion... even among the "hardcore".

Either way, he's already leaped on this one. This is one of those things you can't exactly turn back... so, with that said, I wish him luck.

[Jove]

That might be the "nice" thing to do... but he's a human being man. Nobody can expect him to just live on his knees like that... and frankly, nice or not, I don't think it's right to live life, a big part of life, as a huge lie... especially to those you love. The guilt that would put on somebody can't be healthy. He feels trapped and bottled up... and if for nobody else's sake, then for his own sake I think this is something that needs to come out.

I have friends that are closet atheists... and although it may make the family situation easier, the stress it puts on the individual is horrible.

But, idk... each situation is different.

Disagreeing with your parents on this issue doesn't have to come off as rebellion. If he does this right, then it won't come off as rebellion... even among the "hardcore".

Either way, he's already leaped on this one. This is one of those things you can't exactly turn back... so, with that said, I wish him luck.

I hear ya... I just went through all that when I was younger. And it is more trouble than it's worth.... but to each his own.