Tetrahydrocannabinol
2008-10-01, 06:37
I am pretty sure this is the proper forum for this thread, if it isn't I apologize as I only recently came back to totse and would appreciate a mod moving it to the correct forum. Anyways... my local newspaper for New Hampshire is having an essay competition. The essay topic is your stance on making voting a law in the United States, like they recently (or maybe a while ago) did in Australia. There will be one winner from grades 5-8 and one winner grades 9-12. The essay requirements are that it must be postmarked by October 1st (I am bringing it to the post office tomorrow) and that the essay does not exceed 300 words. My original essay was well over 800 words, and still felt way to short to accurately explain my stance, opinions, and solutions. Slimming it down to 300 words was quite the task, took me over 4 hours but I got it done. One of my best talents is my use of complex sentence phrasing (as my teacher puts it) use of vocabulary, and very detailed explanation of whatever point I am trying to get across to the reader. What I mean by that is that I try to write the essay so that anyone can understand it, no matter the depth of the subject and despite the vocabulary I choose and the complexity of the sentences. Without those tools I was down to the basics, and that is having a good opinion and idea, I didn't have many words left which I could use to "spice it up" a bit, so its pretty much the meat and potatoes, if you know what I'm trying to say. Anyways here is the essay, I want to make any last minute changes that could increase my chances of winning, if you have anything I could add or take out, words you think would fit better, grammatical errors, etc, please point them out as it will be greatly appreciated. Keep in mind it is exactly 300 words, so if you have ideas, make sure it would actually be possible for me to include them, I am sure I could remove a few things to include any new ideas, but only to a small extent. Anyways here it is, comments, criticisms, opinions, ideas, catching any mistakes and all that other stuff I mentioned are greatly appreciated, keep in mind the use of I and me in essays is never recommended. Thanks, and again if this is the wrong forum or if there is a better one I apologize, and would ask that a mod please move this to that forum or location.
Note: This is somewhat a long thread, going by essay standards it is quite short, but going by internet forum thread standards its a bit long, could be boring, could be interesting, depending on your interests and what not.
Another Note: I guess totse doesn't allow paragraphing, maybe its just not working for some reason, I don't know, so each new paragraph will be marked with two hyphens ( -- ) before it.
Voting as a Law in the United States
-- What makes democracy so great is the freedom to choose who will represent us. It is important that every American is properly represented, and with some recent lackluster voter turnouts, making a “voting law” as they do in Australia seems logical.
-- Though it’s true we need to increase turnouts, simply making voting a law could lead to disastrous results in a nation already in disaster, and violates our freedom not to vote. However, creating citizens active in their government is vital in preserving the ideals of democracy.
-- The truth is, if a law requiring citizens of age to vote, many young voters would choose a name on the ballot with little or no knowledge of the candidates. Remember the next voters are from the hip-hop, glamour, and MTV generation, some couldn’t even name the Republican nominee, months after his last opponent dropped out.
-- The importance lies in producing educated, voter ready citizens before they become of legal voting age. This is just as vital to being a functioning member of society as the knowledge of mathematics and grammar.
-- Our government should stress the importance of voting to its younger generation by including this in our educational system starting early from middle school and going all the way through high school. The goal is to produce a child that, by the time they are of voting age, will be excited to vote, rather then forced by a law. Parents, as well as schools, should do their part in making sure their children understand the importance of exercising this freedom, and doing so properly. A law need not do this for us.
-- The outcome will hopefully be a generation of competent young voters. Our children will grow up, eager to participate in their communities and governments and our wonderful country will prosper.
Note: This is somewhat a long thread, going by essay standards it is quite short, but going by internet forum thread standards its a bit long, could be boring, could be interesting, depending on your interests and what not.
Another Note: I guess totse doesn't allow paragraphing, maybe its just not working for some reason, I don't know, so each new paragraph will be marked with two hyphens ( -- ) before it.
Voting as a Law in the United States
-- What makes democracy so great is the freedom to choose who will represent us. It is important that every American is properly represented, and with some recent lackluster voter turnouts, making a “voting law” as they do in Australia seems logical.
-- Though it’s true we need to increase turnouts, simply making voting a law could lead to disastrous results in a nation already in disaster, and violates our freedom not to vote. However, creating citizens active in their government is vital in preserving the ideals of democracy.
-- The truth is, if a law requiring citizens of age to vote, many young voters would choose a name on the ballot with little or no knowledge of the candidates. Remember the next voters are from the hip-hop, glamour, and MTV generation, some couldn’t even name the Republican nominee, months after his last opponent dropped out.
-- The importance lies in producing educated, voter ready citizens before they become of legal voting age. This is just as vital to being a functioning member of society as the knowledge of mathematics and grammar.
-- Our government should stress the importance of voting to its younger generation by including this in our educational system starting early from middle school and going all the way through high school. The goal is to produce a child that, by the time they are of voting age, will be excited to vote, rather then forced by a law. Parents, as well as schools, should do their part in making sure their children understand the importance of exercising this freedom, and doing so properly. A law need not do this for us.
-- The outcome will hopefully be a generation of competent young voters. Our children will grow up, eager to participate in their communities and governments and our wonderful country will prosper.