Exothermia
2008-10-22, 23:01
Wrong forum.
As for the poetry, it reads like livejournal. I didn't connect with it at all. Certainly part of poetry is describing your emotion and she did a fine enough job of that but the other part of poetry is connecting with your audience so that they experience the same emotion through your words. I didn't really get that from either piece.
I'd tell her she certainly has a fine command of language and literary devices, but she should try to express her feelings in a manner more people can connect with. I'm certainly no expert but if it were my poem that's what I would think after reading it.
kurdt318
2008-10-23, 02:08
Wow, that's not overly-sentimental at all :rolleyes:!
Toothlessjoe
2008-10-23, 17:19
They need to be deveolped. Otherwise they read like basic schoolfare.