View Full Version : An Ode To My Dying Rat.
Toothlessjoe
2008-12-09, 03:18
So one my of rats is dying and
I want to get this out of the way
right
now:
I have cried at least six times today.
Have you ever watched a rat have a seizure?
It falls on its side and kicks its legs
like a dog with an itch scratched except
there is only an itch
in the brain with no scratch
in sight.
Have you ever heard a rat whimper?
I didn't know that they could. But
they can. They do. They whine like
dogs hit by a truck driven by
yet another asshole with a
piece of life to spare and
suffer. Rats don't normally make
sounds that can be heard by
men.
Have you ever seen a rat suffer?
I have today. I could not let myself
cry
at my grandfather's deathbed or funeral
but
seeing this rat struggle to drink or
watching it try to live when I scratched its back
listening to the seeds pop to the rhythm of my own
caresses, jesus fucking christ I wonder
why it even bothered.
I stopped trying to stay alive a long time ago.
And the whole time, the whole god damned time
all I wanted was for him to die; to stop suffering.
And that's what I've always wanted, in the end:
an end to the suffering. But I never thought
I never thought once that
this rat would prove me
right.
I haven't been crying for a single rat, I'm not
that self-involved. I've been crying
hour to hour about the
suffering
the inevitable end we face when
we struggle to sip or chew.
I've been crying for pain
and I'll admit, much of my own
now and to be, and the pain others
shall have by my own activity
I've been crying for us.
But fuck you, and I really mean
fuck
you.
We're all rats and
I lament the lives
of us all.
Seven. Seven times.
He's had another seizure.
Euthanize him. If you can't afford the vet, the old charcoal in an airtight container trick is probably the most humane way.
lostmyface
2008-12-09, 13:55
toothless that was beautiful.
anastaciadarling
2008-12-09, 17:37
^^^that was beautiful.
i can say that i haven't seen anything have a seizure. people usually watch me.
but here:
"I haven't felt the way I feel today
In so long it's hard for me to specify
I'm beginning to notice how much this feels
Like a waking limb, pins and needles, nice to know you
Goodbye, nice to know you
Goodbye, nice to know you"
Interesting, I value life in all its forms but shoot rats happily, I bait them and catch them in live traps then release them into a stainless steel milk trailer for a short lived battle against a terrier. Good winter evening fare.
As for the poetic side, well, that's dead too.
Toothlessjoe
2008-12-10, 17:00
Interesting, I value life in all its forms but shoot rats happily, I bait them and catch them in live traps then release them into a stainless steel milk trailer for a short lived battle against a terrier. Good winter evening fare.
As for the poetic side, well, that's dead too.
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I do enjoy some of what you write but this piece you've written is sub-par. Its like some sick syrupy mess has enveloped your emotion with a thick blanket of dystrophy.
If you think my dislike of this piece is part of some malignant personal vendetta, you are wrong.
Maybe this piece could ignite a better flame of inspiration:
And death shall have no dominion.
Dead mean naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.
And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.
bornkiller
2008-12-10, 20:07
:eek: goddamn.....I've never seen a rat in quite that perspective before.....http://people.web.psi.ch/gutierrez/Gifs/Cry/Cry.gif
roses_are_for_pussys
2008-12-11, 10:05
So one my of rats is dying and
I want to get this out of the way
right
now:
I have cried at least six times today.
Have you ever watched a rat have a seizure?
It falls on its side and kicks its legs
like a dog with an itch scratched except
there is only an itch
in the brain with no scratch
in sight.
Have you ever heard a rat whimper?
I didn't know that they could. But
they can. They do. They whine like
dogs hit by a truck driven by
yet another asshole with a
piece of life to spare and
suffer. Rats don't normally make
sounds that can be heard by
men.
Have you ever seen a rat suffer?
I have today. I could not let myself
cry
at my grandfather's deathbed or funeral
but
seeing this rat struggle to drink or
watching it try to live when I scratched its back
listening to the seeds pop to the rhythm of my own
caresses, jesus fucking christ I wonder
why it even bothered.
I stopped trying to stay alive a long time ago.
And the whole time, the whole god damned time
all I wanted was for him to die; to stop suffering.
And that's what I've always wanted, in the end:
an end to the suffering. But I never thought
I never thought once that
this rat would prove me
right.
I haven't been crying for a single rat, I'm not
that self-involved. I've been crying
hour to hour about the
suffering
the inevitable end we face when
we struggle to sip or chew.
I've been crying for pain
and I'll admit, much of my own
now and to be, and the pain others
shall have by my own activity
I've been crying for us.
But fuck you, and I really mean
fuck
you.
We're all rats and
I lament the lives
of us all.
Seven. Seven times.
He's had another seizure.
Yea...it would be nice if you grew a pair.
:( I nearly cried while reading that.
In the past month I've had to bury three rats, one of my own, two of my friends.
My rat, Scurvy, broke his jaw and suffered all night until I could get him put down the next morning.
My friends first rat who died, Silas, has shitty repertory problems then his balls disappeared one day, yeah, explain that. We found him dead in his water dish the morning I was going to take him to the vet. Her other rat she only had for an hour before it died because she did something so stupid, she put a few month old baby rat in with a full grown rat and it killed it.
Sorry, rant, drunk.
That's so sad though man, I wish you the best. I'll have a beer in you and your rats name.
A good friend of mine had a ferret a few years ago that would occasionally seizure. And every time it looked like a ton of pain.
I also used to work at Petsmart, and the rats were probably my favorite rodent. They're smart, loving little beasts, and so easy to love back.
Sorry about your rat man.
deadteenager
2008-12-23, 07:32
I feel bad for your rat (and I'm terrified of old age), but I'm not into this. You're aping Bukowski heavily and in a way that seems very forced to me. There are good lines here like, "listening to the seeds pop to the rhythm of my own / caresses," but then you get ridiculous later on with shit like, "We're all rats and / I lament the lives / of us all," and really making me cringe with "...I'm not / that self-involved," and "I've been crying for pain." Weeping for the living dead and your own fucked up life. A lot of this reeks of maudlin drunken self-pity, and there are many cliches without much imagination.
One of the reasons I think the Buk style is forced is because this really lacks the urgency, concision, emotional directness and spot-on dry black humor that made his shit worthwhile, while taking his basic approach and his random "intuitive" line breaks, though here they don't seem intuitive but quite cautious and awkward -- no rhythm, either. And this detaches me from the raw emotionality of the poem, making it seem like emo bullshit.
I appreciate that you're serious about writing unlike most posters here, but I think you need to restrict yourself on a formal level -- at least for awhile -- in order to draw out your true talent, instead of engaging in this very prosaic, generic rambling about suffering. Remember that Bukowski read people like Robinson Jeffers, Knut Hamsun, and John Fante extensively years before he ever started really writing on a full-time basis -- urgent and rhythmic beasts of style who could not be stopped, totally driven by passion but intentionally working within pretty strict formal boundaries.
Just my two cents. I'm a failure in life & love as well as writing so it shouldn't mean much, but for what it's worth...
DeliciousCrack
2008-12-23, 16:30
http://rat-hunter.com/stories/2006/paul-1-trap-2-rats/2-for-1-victor-rat-trap.jpg
Dark_Magneto
2008-12-24, 03:16
Double kill!
piewalker101
2008-12-24, 03:16
It seemed a little insincere to me, it was like you spent the whole poem trying to let the reader know how deep and compassionate you are, only to contradict yourself with the 'fuck you' part, which seemed particularly contrived. What exactly was your point there? It upsets you that everyone has to die a painful and undignified death, but at the same time you couldn't care less?
:'( Spend what little time with him that he has left..
When hes gone, make sure he's happy.:)
scratch his lil ears :P
But that was a really nice poem..
Either wait for him to die...
or humanely kill him.
Hope your ok man, dont get too worked up.
anastaciadarling
2008-12-25, 01:07
I still really enjoy this
infidelguy
2008-12-25, 05:01
i agree, with the few posts above
very bukowskiesque
but bukowski on the other hand was a fountain of
endless prodigal original
talent
and i find it almost
offensive and
detrimental
to his work that all his name
evokes is an ocean of untalented
would be poets. you cannot blame him for the endless waves of bad poetry he spawned
just because he wrote in free verse and seemlingly effortlessly does not mean it is easily emulated.
just because he wrote about shitstains and eating at sizzler does not make his work immature .
just because he was a drunk and wrote alot of sub par poems does not make on any of his other more profound and touching poems.
less valuable
Crucifix in a death hand, The History Of One Tough Motherfucker,
adding abrupt line changes does not a bukowski poem make. (as demonstrated ), it makes it seem bukowski, but it is only one aspect of the style and poise of that only bukowski emobodied. ( i dont know what poise means in this context but what the hey)
Yea...it would be nice if you grew a pair.
Fuck you dude.
I thought the poem was good, lengthy, but good.