The Neighborhood Watch

by Social Junker

I got started yesterday on the Neighborhood Watch and how much I hate it, and I just can't let it go, I hate those bastards! So here's the original story, plus another caper where I do battle with this infernal program:

MY STORY: WHY I HATE THE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH (This is going to be long) I was sitting in my car, just getting home from work, hitting a joint, when I look over and see my gay lesbian neighbors smoking their cigarettes, looking at me, getting this shocked look on their faces, I see one of them go over and pick up the phone.

So, shit! I fumble a cigarette out of the pack, break it in half (since I was half-way done with my joint), turn around, lit it, and step out. I'm standing out there, trying to look friendly, but the stupid dykes have the "stare of death" thing going on, and I'm sure they might have phoned the police. So I ask them if there is a problem, which they respond to by turning around and going inside.

So I go inside, as well, and sure enough, the police pull up to my house. So I walk out and put on my "happy, cooperative" face. They say they had a report from the neighborhood watch that I had been smoking marijuana in my car. I explained to them that someone had been mistaken, I had been smoking a cigarette, and they could search my car if they wanted (I had taken everything inside my house). Amazingly, they declined, said, "stay out of trouble", and pulled out.

During this whole exchange, the dyke neighbors had been watching through their window, and came out to protest, probably since they weren't arresting me. The cops said there was nothing they could do, and left (I had such a huge grin on my face at this time) As soon as the cops were out of sight, I gave my neighbors the finger, told them to leave me alone, and finally relaxed for the night.

You think they would have been more tolerant of marijuana, considering they were living the "alternative" lifestyle themselves, don't you?

Story number two: The Dyke Neighbors Strike Back

Well, I thought that was the end of my neighbor feud, but I was wrong, the Neighborhood Watch is a powerful organization who does not let it's enemies go.

So, I must have pissed off my neighbors by giving them the finger, even though they deserved it, but they started collecting a "file" of all my activities. First of all, these ladies must have had no life, since, by the looks of it, they spent all their time logging my "criminal" activities, yes that's right, they kept a log!

So, eventually, they bring up what I've been doing at the home owner's meeting, presenting their masterwork, The Log. I eventually saw this log, since it was evidence against me, here's an example from it:

2/28/03 - Mr. [my name] was seen at 11:06pm smoking out of a pipe, appearing to get intoxicated, laughing and talking in a loud manner.

And, since I was "up at all hours", they made it sound like I was a speed freak, as well. The ironic thing about all of this is, that a complete alcoholic lives right next to me, causing shit everynight, while I am as quiet as a church mouse.

Well, I was hoping the home owner's would just laugh this off, but no, they don't, they call the police in to have a chat with me. The first thing the officer asks me is, "am I dealing narcotics out of my house?". I, of course, say no, and tell him that the only reason this is happening is because my neighbors bear a grudge against me. This is duly noted, and they question me for another hour or so, leaving with the warning, "if we get any more reports, you could be in some trouble, son".

So, I'm really pissed off at my neighbors, but I can't do anything to them, because if anything happened, they'd come to me first. My only hope is I'll get out of this state someday, and right before I do, I'll get my revenge.