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Quotes from The Simpsons
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Well, I have compiled the list. *59* people responded with a total of *116*
quotes. But before I get to the list, I want to mention a couple of things.
First, there were some quotes that were voted for that I got different
wordings on. I listed the various wordings and where I had the episodes on
tape, I got the exact wording.
There were some quotes from the Tracy Ullman show that I went ahead and
included. Also, there were some quotes that I could not place with an episode
as well as some quotes that I could not place with a character. My guesses
are indicated by a "(?)".
I've listed all the quotes that got more than two votes with the most popular
listed first. I also broke it down into most quoted episode and most quoted
character. I gave the list of voters and following that, the entire list of
quotes.
Again, because not all the sites receive alt.tv.simpsons, I have posted the
results also to rec.arts.tv.
***** TOP QUOTES *****
The results for this category were tallied by counting the number of times
that a particular quote received a vote.
And the winner is ... (drum roll, please) ... with 14 (14 ... 14 ... echo)
votes quoted by Lisa in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_:
"If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd be on in prime time."
And, in second place, with 5 (5 ... 5 ... echo) votes quoted by Homer in
_Moaning_Lisa_:
"I have feelings, too. Like 'My stomach hurts' or 'I'm going crazy!'"
Tied for third with 4 (4 ... 4 ... echo) votes each:
"Stay away from that jazz man, Lisa. Nothing personal ... I just fear the
unfamiliar."
Marge in _Moaning_Lisa_
"Tell him I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love ...
and I won't be back for *TEN MINUTES*!"
Homer in _Jacques_to_be_Wild_
"Ah, the life of a frog; that's the life for me."
Bart in _Crepes_of_Wrath_
"A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center."
Homer in _Tell-Tale_Head_
"Yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I work in a convenience
store, you know."
Apu, the Kwik-E-Mart clerk, in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
"I'm glad you asked that, son. Being popular is the most important thing
in the world."
Homer in _Tell-Tale_Head_
And, honorably mentioned, with 3 votes each:
Maggie quotes collectively:
"*SLURP* *SLURP* *SLURP* *THUD*"
"*SLURP* *SLURP* *SLURP* *SLURP* *SLURP*"
"*SQUINK* *SQUINK*"
"When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom
of a bottle. THEY'RE ON T.V.!!"
Homer in _There's_No_Disgrace_Like_Home_
Principal Skinner: "You'll be getting an Albanian [student]."
Homer: "You mean all white with pink eyes?!"
_Crepes_of_Wrath_
"Now we are going to set this pile of evil abalze. But remeber, because
these are children's toys, the fire will spread quite rapidly. So, please
stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes."
the Minister, in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
"It's a classic Pinzer maneuver; it can't fail agains a bunch of
ten-year-olds!"
Herman, in _Bart_the_General_
***** MOST QUOTED EPISODE *****
The results for this category were tallied by adding how many times a
particular episode was given as the source of a quote.
_Krusty_Gets_Busted_ wins with 18 quotes
_Moaning_Lisa_ placed second with 13 quotes
_Call_of_the_Simpsons_ placed third with 11 quotes
***** MOST QUOTED CHARACTER *****
The results for this category were tallied by adding the number of times
that a particular character was attributed with a quote. In those quotes
that were given as a cut from a scene where more than one person was
talking, the author of the poll most humbly decided which character scored
the salient quote.
Homer and Bart tied for first place with 37 quotes each
(though half a dozen of the Bart quotes are his one-liners)
Krusty placed third with 6 quotes
Marge placed fourth with 5 quotes
Lisa, Jacques, Grandpa and Mr. Burns tied with 4 quotes each
***** THE FOLKS THAT CARED ENOUGH TO SEND THE VERY BEST *****
A very big thank you to everyone that sent in their favorite quotes. Without
you, this posting would not be possible ;-)
gnat@milton.u.washington.edu (Laura)
kjp@en.ecn.purdue.edu (Kevin J Podsiadlik)
smarison@hawk.ulowell.edu (Scott Marison)
mixcom!cyaa01@uwm.edu (Chris Klausmeier)
cec35848@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Chuck Carroll)
jym@mica.berkeley.edu (Jym Dyer)
mholtz@sactoh0.sac.ca.us (Mark Holtz)
jwcst4@unix.cis.pitt.edu (John W. Connelly)
ralphc@hcx9.ssd.csd.harris.COM (Ralph Capasso)
310a3339@fergvax.unl.edu (Todd Davis) <10>
dylan@june.cs.washington.edu (Dylan McNamee)
homey@portia.stanford.edu (John Lilly)
kenk@mips.COM (Ken Kubey)
ssivakum@hopi.intel.COM (Sam Sivakumar)
jimmy@tybalt.caltech.edu (Jimmy Hu)
bijal@garnet.berkeley.edu (Bijal C. Modi)
jthornto@fsl.ee.ubc.ca (Johan Thornton)
kcc@wucs1.wustl.edu (Ken Cox)
hampel@demon.siemens.com (Ken Hampel)
VitaM6!marciano@uunet.uu.net (Marciano Pitargue) <20>
lutanist@ebay.sun.com (Dennis Richards Montgomery)
bunnymen@downbeat.eng.sun.com (Stephen Ong)
dhp1@gte.com (David Pascoe)
jh6g+@andrew.cmu.edu (Jason F. Harvey)
mmitchel@msd.gatech.edu (Mark Mitchell)
gkirks@cs.utexas.edu (Garry James Kirks)
cor@wpi.wpi.edu (Corydon T. Shimer)
dbw@hare.udev.cdc.COM (Dave Woerner)
jon@vector0.pacbell.COM (A Product of Society)
dukee!amu@egr.duke.edu (Audrey M. Urling) <30>
ttl@cs.wisc.edu (Tony Laundrie)
kreme@nyx.cs.du.edu (Eric Idle's Fish Eric)
Damatt01@ulkyvx.bitnet (Dave Mattingly)
wall@m2.csc.ti.com (Raj Wall)
spies@calgary.gsfc.nasa.gov (John Spies)
Donahue@m2.csc.ti.COM (RTB: CSC young toughs)
jmaziarz@hawk (Jeff Maziarz)
hm0i+@andrew.cmu.edu (H. Scott Matthews)
jbs21045@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu (Joe Sterbenc)
REEWILE%YALEVM.BITNET@cunyvm.cuny.edu (Bill Reeves) <40>
ses@naitc.naitc.com (Steve Steiner)
bono@andromeda.rutgers.edu (Joseph Bono (no relation to Sonny))
frog@wpi.wpi.edu (Cynthia Ann Proff)
eal@kaarne.tut.fi (Erkki Lehtim{ki)
ncrlnk!ncrcae!sauron!paul@uunet.uu.net
delanzo@hri.com (Mike Delanzo)
prisoner@darkside.com (The Prisoner)
prine@image.lle.rochester.edu (Ron Prine)
man@kato.att.com (Mark Nevar)
V103PDT5@ubvmsc.cc.buffalo.edu (Jorian Nicholas Wolfe) <50>
dce@smsc.sony.com (David Elliot)
matty@cs.su.oz.au (James Matthew Farrow)
cubfan@jessica.stanford.edu (Rick Casares)
ntm1836@dsacg3.dsac.dla.mil (Ken Burch)
palmer@hsi.com (Mike Palmer)
wesw@skyhawk.WV (Wes Whitnah)
zane@ddsw1.mcs.COM (Sameer Parekh)
cmbecker@athena.mit.edu (Chris Becker)
debraa@pogo.WV.TEK.COM (Debbie Aubrey)
***** AND, ON WITH THE QUOTES ... *****
I listed each quote and the folks that voted for each. I also included the
set-up line quotes that were voted for where it seemed to set the tone for
the quote.
__________________________________________________
"Such senseless violence! I don't understand it."
"We don't expect you to. If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd be on in
prime time." -- Marge and Lisa in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
gnat@milton.u.washington.edu
kjp@en.ecn.purdue.edu
mholtz@sactoh0.sac.ca.us
dylan@cs.washington.edu
jimmy@tybalt.caltech.edu
kcc@wucs1.wustl.edu
VitaM6!marciano@uunet.uu.net
DAMATT01%ulkyvx.bitnet@pucc.princeton.edu (3x)
hm0i+@andrew.cmu.edu
prisoner@darkside.com
man@kato.att.com
V103PDT5@ubvmsc.cc.buffalo.edu
wesw@skyhawk.WV
zane@ddsw1.mcs.com
__________________________________________________
"Beer! Now there's a temporary solution."
-- Homer in _Homer's_Odyssey_
gnat@milton.u.washington.edu
mholtz@sactoh0.sac.ca.us
__________________________________________________
Bart: "I think this guy's a little crazy."
Grandpa: "General Patton was a little crazy. This guy's totally out of his
mind! We can't fail!"
-- Bart_the_General_
kjp@en.ecn.purdue.edu
__________________________________________________
"Three. Family Jewels."
-- letter begin written by Grandpa Simpson
kjp@en.ecn.purdue.edu
__________________________________________________
"But now it's time to say good-bye. Please get off my property until next
year. I suggest you don't dawdle - the hounds will be released in ten
minutes."
-- Mr. Burns in _There's_No_Disgrace_Like_Home_
kjp@en.ecn.purdue.edu
__________________________________________________
"Was that you taking that cowardly dive into that display of heavily salted
snack treats?" -- lawyer from _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
smarison@hawk.ulowell.edu
__________________________________________________
"I have feelings too - like "My stomach hurts" or "I'm going crazy!"
-- Homer to Lisa in _Moaning_Lisa_
smarison@hawk.ulowell.edu
ralphc@hcx9.ssd.csd.harris.COM
dylan@cs.washington.edu
mmitchel@msd.gatech.edu
hm0i+@andrew.cmu.edu
__________________________________________________
"Don't have a cow, Homer!"
-- Bart
mixcom!cyaa01@uwm.edu
bijal@garnet.berkeley.edu
__________________________________________________
"Later grizzly dudes!"
-- Bart in _Call_of_the_Simpsons_
mixcom!cyaa01@uwm.edu
jwcst4@unix.cis.pitt.edu
__________________________________________________
"*SLURP* *SLURP* *SLURP* *THUD*"
"*SUCK* *SUCK* *SUCK* *SUCK* *SUCK*"
"*SQUINK* *SQUINK*"
-- Maggie
mixcom!cyaa01@uwm.edu
jwcst4@unix.cis.pitt.edu
dylan@cs.washington.edu
__________________________________________________
"Not the crappy little elves!"
-- Bart in the babysitter episode (_Some_Enchanted_Evening_?)
mixcom!cyaa01@uwm.edu
__________________________________________________
"Doough!!" -- Homer
"Oooh!!" -- Homer, when he realizes he's screwed up
mixcom!cyaa01@uwm.edu
wall@m2.csc.ti.com
__________________________________________________
"If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're mistaken!"
-- Homer in _Homer's_Odyssey_
cec35848@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
__________________________________________________
"When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a
bottle. THEY'RE ON TV!"
-- Homer in _There's_No_Disgrace_Like_Home_
cec35848@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
mmitchel@msd.gatech.edu
wesw@skyhawk.WV
__________________________________________________
"I want to be alone with my thought."
-- Homer in _There's_No_Disgrace_Like_Home_
debraa@pogo.wv.tek.com
__________________________________________________
"Of course, <name of magazine plugged by Sideshow Bob> isn't just for
literates. Why, just look at these humorous caricatures of Gore Vidal."
-- Sideshow Bob in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
cec35848@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
man@kato.att.com
__________________________________________________
"That's OK. I didn't do it!"
-- Krusty in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
cec35848@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
__________________________________________________
Krusty: "And what would you do if Krusty got cancelled?"
kids: "WE'D KILL OURSELVES!"
-- _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
cec35848@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
__________________________________________________
"Hear that, Dad? You can lie around in your underwear and scratch yourself."
-- Bart in _There's_No_Disgrace_Like_Home_
jym@mica.berkeley.edu
jwcst4@unix.cis.pitt.edu
__________________________________________________
"Stay away from that jazz man, Lisa. Nothing personal ... I just fear the
unfamiliar."
-- Marge in _Moaning_Lisa_
jym@mica.berkeley.edu
hampel@demon.siemens.com
gkirks@cs.utexas.edu
ncrlnk!ncrcae!sauron!paul@uunet.uu.net
__________________________________________________
"Chocolate ... double chocolate ... *gasp!* New flavor! Triple chocolate!"
-- Homer
jym@mica.berkeley.edu
__________________________________________________
"Krusty has small feet. Like all good-hearted people."
-- Bart in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
jym@mica.berkeley.edu
__________________________________________________
co-workers: "What'll I tell the boss?"
Homer: "Tell him I'm going to the backseat of my car with the woman I love ...
and I won't be back for *TEN MINUTES*!"
-- Homer in _Jacques_to_be_Wild_
jym@mica.berkeley.edu
jh6g+@andrew.cmu.edu
mmitchel@msd.gatech.edu
bono@andromeda.rutgers.edu
__________________________________________________
"That's a good question, son. Being popular is the most important thing in
the world."
"I'm glad you asked that son. Being popular is the most important thing in
the world."
-- Homer in _Tell_Tale_Head_
mholtz@sactoh0.sac.ca.us
mmitchel@msd.gatech.edu
delanzo@hri.com
matty@cs.su.oz.au
__________________________________________________
"Ah, the life of a frog; that's the life for me."
-- Bart in _Crepes_of_Wrath_
jwcst4@unix.cis.pitt.edu
VitaM6!marciano@uunet.uu.net
dhp1@gte.com
dce@smsc.sony.com
__________________________________________________
Bart: "You gotta help me! These two guys work me night and day. They don't
feed me. They make me sleep on the floor. They put anti-freeze in the wine
and they gave my read hat to the donkey!"
French policeman: "Anti-freeze in the wine?! That is a very serious crime!"
-- English subtitles in _Crepes_of_Wrath_
debraa@pogo.wv.tek.com
__________________________________________________
"JUST a statue! Is the Statue of Liberty JUST a statue? Is the Leaning Tower
of 'pizza' JUST a statue?"
-- Homer to Bart in _Tell-Tale_Head_ (Homer pronounced it as
'pizza' not 'Pisa')
ralphc@hcx9.ssd.csd.harris.COM
jimmy@tybalt.caltech.edu
__________________________________________________
"A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center."
-- Homer in _Tell-Tale_Head_
ralphc@hcx9.ssd.csd.harris.COM
dylan@cs.washington.edu
bono@andromeda.rutgers.edu
V103PDT5@ubvmsc.cc.buffalo.edu
__________________________________________________
"Can I have some applesauce?"
-- Homer in _Call_of_the_Simpsons_ while being kept for
ralphc@hcx9.ssd.csd.harris.COM
__________________________________________________
"Gee, Dad. You must really love us to sink *THIS* low."
-- Bart to Homer in _Simpsons_Roasting_on_an_Open_Fire_
ralphc@hcx9.ssd.csd.harris.COM
man@kato.att.com
__________________________________________________
"Say it isn't so, Krusty."
-- Bart in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
310a3339@fergvax.unl.edu
__________________________________________________
"There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: the American
Revolution, World War II and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn
more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with
cool, gory pictures."
-- Bart in _Bart_the_General_
310a3339@fergvax.unl.edu
cmbecker@athena.mit.edu
__________________________________________________
"Toreador, don't spit on the floor, use the cuspidor, that's what it's for."
-- Bart
310a3339@fergvax.unl.edu
__________________________________________________
"Oooooh Homer, my brilliant beast."
-- Marge in _Call_of_the_Simpsons_
dylan@cs.washington.edu
ntm1836@dsacg3.dsac.dla.mil
__________________________________________________
"In times of trouble, go with what you know."
-- Homer in _Call_of_the_Simpsons_ (?)
homey@portia.stanford.edu
__________________________________________________
"Hasta Lambada, Dudes"
-- Bart
homey@portia.stanford.edu
dukee!amu@egr.duke.edu
__________________________________________________
"Don't rock the boat, man."
-- Bart
homey@portia.stanford.edu
__________________________________________________
Principal Skinner: "You'll be getting an Albanian [student]."
Homer: "You mean all white with pink eyes?"
-- Homer in _Crepes_of_Wrath_
homey@portia.stanford.edu
ttl@cs.wisc.edu
palmer@hsi.com
__________________________________________________
"Hey, this is not a lending library. Put the magazine back or I'll blow your
heads off."
-- Apu, the Kwik-E-Mart clerk, in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
kenk@mips.COM
__________________________________________________
"Yes, I know the procedure for armed robbery. I work in a convenience store,
you know."
-- Apu, Kwik-E-Mart clerk, in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
kenk@mips.COM
mmitchel@msd.gatech.edu
cubfan@jessica.stanford.edu
VitaM6!marciano@uunet.uu.net
__________________________________________________
"Don't blame me. I didn't do it."
-- Krusty in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
kenk@mips.COM
__________________________________________________
"I've got a hankerin' for some pork products."
-- Krusty in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
kenk@mips.COM
jbs21045@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
__________________________________________________
"The cannon! The cannon!"
-- kids on Krusty's show in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
kenk@mips.COM
__________________________________________________
"The blues isn't about feelin' better ... it's about makin' other
people feel worse (and makin' a few bucks while you're at it)."
-- Bleedin' Gums Murphy, the Jazz Man in _Moaning_Lisa_
ssivakum@hopi.intel.COM
dukee!amu@egr.duke.edu
__________________________________________________
??: "It IS stealing!"
Bart: "I didn't want to think we were deluding ourselves."
-- Bart in the _Tell-Tale_Head_ (?)
jimmy@tybalt.caltech.edu
hm0i+@andrew.cmu.edu
__________________________________________________
"You're smarter than you look, or sound, or our best testing indicates."
-- Mr. Burns (Homer's boss) in _Homer's_Odyssey_
jimmy@tybalt.caltech.edu
__________________________________________________
"Give me a break, man!"
"Oh, man!"
"Hey, dude!"
"Hey, Homer!"
-- Bart
bijal@garnet.berkeley.edu
__________________________________________________
Marge: "You don't even know why you're sorry!"
Homer: "Yes I do. Because I'm hungry, my shirt is smelly, and I'm tired!"
-- _Homer's_Night_Out_
jthornto@fsl.ee.ubc.ca
__________________________________________________
"Now we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze. But remember, because
these are children's toys, the fire will spread quite rapidly. So, please
stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes."
-- Minister in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
kcc@wucs1.wustl.edu
hm0i+@andrew.cmu.edu
bono@andromeda.rutgers.edu
__________________________________________________
Homer: "And remember not to act afraid. Animals can smell fear and they
don't like it. Besides there's nothing to be afraid of."
[sound of Maggie *SLURP* *SLURP* *SLURP*]
Homer: "A rattler!!"
Bart: "I'm not afraid, I'm not afraid"
Homer: "RUN you fool"
-- _Call_of_the_Simpsons
jthornto@fsl.ee.ubc.ca
__________________________________________________
"I have 10 bowling pins in my heart. You have knocked over 8. Would you
please pick up zat spare?"
-- Jacques to Marge in _Jacques_to_be_Wild_
debraa@pogo.wv.tek.com
__________________________________________________
"Ya' know, Moe, my mom once said something that really stuck with me. She
said, 'Homer, you're a big disappointment' and God bless her soul, she was
really onto something."
-- Homer in _There's_No_Disgrace_Like_Home_
debraa@pogo.wv.tek.com
__________________________________________________
"The boy. Bring me the boy."
-- Homer in _The_Crepes_of_Wrath_
kcc@wucs1.wustl.edu
__________________________________________________
"You can march them off a cliff, you can send them to certain death in some
god-forsaken land, but for some reason you can't slap them."
-- Grandpa in _Bart_the_General_
kcc@wucs1.wustl.edu
__________________________________________________
Lisa: "Mom, I'm scared."
Marge: "We all are, dear, but your father says everything is all right."
-- _Call_of_the_Simpsons_
kcc@wucs1.wustl.edu
__________________________________________________
"Somehow I don't feel like killing anymore."
-- Krusty in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
hampel@demon.siemens.com
__________________________________________________
"Oh, so that's it. This is some sort of underwear thing."
-- Homer about Lisa in _Moaning_Lisa_
hampel@demon.siemens.com
__________________________________________________
"Where's my spy camera! (etc)"
-- Bart to the MailWoman in _Homer's_Night_Out_
VitaM6!marciano@uunet.uu.net
__________________________________________________
"Cross you heart, hope to die,
Stick a needle in your eye,
Jam a dagger in your thigh,
Eat a horse manure pie!"
-- Bart
VitaM6!marciano@uunet.uu.net
__________________________________________________
"This place bites!"
-- Bart at the Rusty Barnacle restaurant in _Homer's_Night_Out_
lutanist@ebay.sun.com
__________________________________________________
Homer: "Sometimes I think we must be the worst family in Springfield."
Marge: "Well, maybe we should move to a larger community."
-- _There's_No_Disgrace_Like_Home_
bunnymen@downbeat.eng.sun.com
__________________________________________________
Bart: "You're giving in to mob mentality, Dad."
Homer: "No, I'm not, son. I'm hopping on the band wagon. Get with the
winning team."
-- _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
dhp1@gte.com
zane@ddsw1.mcs.com
__________________________________________________
Apu (Kwik-E-Mart clerk): "Haven't I seen you on TV somewhere before?"
Homer: "Nah, you have me confused with Fred Flintstone."
-- _Homer's_Night_Out_
dhp1@gte.com
mholtz@sactoh0.sac.ca.us
__________________________________________________
"Cowardly little runt. When I get a hold of you I'm going to gut you like a
fish and drink your blood."
"I'm gonna rip out your heart and drink your blood!"
-- Moe, the Bartender, in _Moaning_Lisa_
jh6g+@andrew.cmu.edu
__________________________________________________
"Please turn off the television."
-- Miss Botts, the babysitter, in _Some_Enchanted_Evening_(?)
jh6g+@andrew.cmu.edu
cmbecker@athena.mit.edu
__________________________________________________
"I hope those horrible stories I heard about prison aren't true."
"I only hope those rumors I hear about what goes on in prison are greatly
exaggerated."
-- Homer
jh6g+@andrew.cmu.edu
DAMATT01%ulkyvx.bitnet@pucc.princeton.edu
__________________________________________________
Lisa: "Gross! Mom, Bart's taking a picture of his butt."
Bart: "Yah right, like I would take a picture of my butt."
-- _Homer's_Night_Out_
jh6g+@andrew.cmu.edu
prine@image.lle.rochester.edu
__________________________________________________
"Some wise guy put a cork in this bottle."
-- Homer in _Crepes_of_Wrath_
cor@wpi.wpi.edu
__________________________________________________
"Remember son ... the family jewels."
-- Homer in _Call_of_the_Simpsons_
cor@wpi.wpi.edu
__________________________________________________
"Try not to beat me so hard this time, son."
"Bart go easy on me. I'm your Dad."
-- Homer about Video Boxing in _Moaning_Lisa_
mholtz@sactoh0.sac.ca.us
__________________________________________________
"Bart, you say butt kisser like it's a bad thing!"
-- Homer in _Bart_the_General_
dbw@hare.udev.cdc.COM
__________________________________________________
Bart: "Sir, did you lose your arm in the war?"
Herman (?): "Well, let's just say that the next time your teacher tells you
not to stick your arm out the bus window, you DO IT!"
-- _Bart_the_General_
jon@vector0.pacbell.COM
__________________________________________________
Marge: "Bart, you love your sister, don't you?"
Bart: "Don't make me say it. I know the answer. You know the answer. He
knows the answer. Let's just drop it, okay?"
-- _Moaning_Lisa_
ttl@cs.wisc.edu
__________________________________________________
"I will not instigate revolution."
-- Bart's writing on the blackboard in _Moaning_Lisa_
nyx.UUCP!kreme%nyx.uucp@nike.cair.du.edu
__________________________________________________
"Send in the clowns."
-- ?? _Krusty_Gets_Busted
DAMATT01%ulkyvx.bitnet@pucc.princeton.edu (3x)
__________________________________________________
"BART!" -- Homer in almost every episode
wall@m2.csc.ti.com
__________________________________________________
"Hmmmmm!" -- Marge, when she thinks Homer has screwed up
wall@m2.csc.ti.com
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Mr. Burns: "What a pathetic attempt to curry my favor."
Smithers: "Fabulous observation, sir. Just fabulous."
-- _There's_No_Disgrace_Like_Home_
wall@m2.csc.ti.com
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"Thank you, God!"
-- Bob, the RV salesman, in _Call_of_the_Simpsons_
wall@m2.csc.ti.com
__________________________________________________
"Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy."
-- Homer in _Moaning_Lisa_
spies@calgary.gsfc.nasa.gov
__________________________________________________
"Aye, aye, mamba-man."
-- Bart
Donahue@m2.csc.ti.com
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"Oh, let's face it. I'm just not that bright."
-- Homer
Donahue@m2.csc.ti.com
__________________________________________________
"Throw ze ball, Marge. Throw, damn you!"
-- Jacques in _Jacques_to_be_Wild_
Donahue@m2.csc.ti.com
cmbecker@athena.mit.edu
__________________________________________________
"You told me when something is bothering you and you're too damn stupid to
know what to do, just keep your mouth shut. At least that way you won't make
things worse!"
-- Bart to Homer in _Jacques_to_be_Wild_
Donahue@m2.csc.ti.com
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"First of all, I want you to know I like your face ... Yeah, I really do.
I'm not saying that ... I mean it. You've got color in there. You're not
Roman are you? ... Look like a god, sort of. Why don't we step into the
credit office, 'ZEUS'."
-- Bob, the RV salesman, in _Call_of_the_Simpsons_
Donahue@m2.csc.ti.com
ncrlnk!ncrcae!sauron!paul@uunet.uu.net
__________________________________________________
"You have a lovely friend there, Marge. Let's hope something runs over her."
-- Jacques in _Jacques_to_be_Wild_
jmaziarz@hawk
__________________________________________________
"Unlike most of you, I am not a nut."
-- Homer in _Homer's_Odyssey_
jmaziarz@hawk
__________________________________________________
"You deserve someone better. Someone whose credit card doesn't set off that
horrible beeping noise."
-- Homer in _Homer's_Odyssey_ (?)
jmaziarz@hawk
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teacher: "Bart, give us an example of a modern-day paradox."
Bart: "Damned if you do, damned if you don't."
-- _Bart_the_Genius_
hm0i+@andrew.cmu.edu
__________________________________________________
"I now take this opportunity to announce my retirement - undefeated - from the
world of video boxing."
-- Bart in _Moaning_Lisa_
kjp@en.ecn.purdue.edu
jbs21045@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
__________________________________________________
"I will not waste chalk."
-- Bart's writing on the blackboard in _Bart_the_Genius_
jbs21045@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
__________________________________________________
"It's a classic Pinzer maneuver; it can't fail against a bunch of
ten-year-olds!"
-- Herman in _Bart_the_General_
jbs21045@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
ncrlnk!ncrcae!sauron!paul@uunet.uu.net
cmbecker@athena.mit.edu
__________________________________________________
"Dear Advertisers: I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on
television. We are not all vibrant, fun-loving sex maniacs. Some of us are
bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when
entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I
never want to hear on television again ..."
-- Grandpa Simpson in _Bart_the_General_
jbs21045@uxa.cso.uiuc.edu
__________________________________________________
"We *know* how it ends! They rescue (insert elf's name), jump around like
little green idiots, I puke, the end!"
-- Bart to Lisa in _Some_Enchanted_Evening_ (babysitter ep?)
REEWILE@YALEVM.BITNET@cunyvm.cuny.edu
__________________________________________________
"I didn't do it. Nobody saw me do it. There's nobody that can prove
anything."
-- Bart in _Moaning_Lisa_
ses@naitc.naitc.com
wesw@skyhawk.WV
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"What the hell are you talking about, homeboy?"
-- Bart to Homer
bono@andromeda.rutgers.edu
__________________________________________________
"*BOING!!*" -- the rabbit entering a geosynchronous orbit in
_Call_of_the_Simpsons_
bono@andromeda.rutgers.edu
__________________________________________________
"And if he runs away, he won't be hard to catch."
-- Bart about the greyhound, Santa's Little Helper, Homer
brought home in _Simpsons_Roasting_on_an_Open_Fire_
frog@wpi.wpi.edu
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"Bart, meet the new champ."
-- Lisa in _Burp_Contest_ (Tracy Ullman Show)
eal@kaaren.tut.fi
__________________________________________________
"Good drink, good meat; Good God, let's eat!"
-- Homer in _Eating_Dinner_ (Tracy Ullman Show)
eal@kaaren.tut.fi
__________________________________________________
"Pagan rain dance - works every time."
-- Bart in _Pagans_ when it starts raining on Homer while
he is changing the tire on the car (Tracy Ullman Show)
eal@kaaren.tut.fi
__________________________________________________
"I knew it - not enough hot sauce."
-- Lisa in _Bart's_Hiccups_ after pouring their secret elixir
of milk, ice cream, maple syrup, cream of broccoli soup
and hot sauce down Bart's throat
eal@kaaren.tut.fi
__________________________________________________
"I'm Bart Simpson. Who the hell are you?"
-- Bart in _Krusty_the_Clown_ (Tracy Ullman Show)
eal@kaaren.tut.fi
__________________________________________________
"It's almost like having a fifth sense or something!"
-- Homer in _Call_of_the_Simpsons_
ncrlnk!ncrcae!sauron!paul@uunet.uu.net
__________________________________________________
Mr. Burns: "How does he do it?"
Smithers: "He's a love machine, sir."
-- _Homer's_Night_Out_
ncrlnk!ncrcae!sauron!paul@uunet.uu.net
__________________________________________________
"This is Patti [Marge's sister] holding a Mexican Delicacy called, a
'Taco Platter'."
-- Marge's sisters showing slides
prisoner@darkside.com
__________________________________________________
"Make it make it make it make it. It's good!! IT'S GOOD!!"
-- Homer in _Tell-Tale_Head_
man@kato.att.com
__________________________________________________
"Give a hoot. Read a book."
-- Krusty in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
man@kato.att.com
dce@smsc.sony.com
__________________________________________________
"The key to Springfield is Elm Street. The Greeks knew it. The Carthaginians
knew it, and now you know it ..."
-- Herman (?) in _Bart_the_General_
V103PDT5@ubvmsc.cc.buffalo.edu
__________________________________________________
"You may emerge from the chips now sir -- you're chance to be a hero has long
since passed."
-- Apu, the Kwikee Mart clerk, in _Krusty_Gets_Busted_
ntm1836@dsacg3.dsac.dla.mil
__________________________________________________
"I didn't kill Grandpa! Society killed Grandpa!!"
-- Bart
wesw@skyhawk.WV
__________________________________________________
Aunt Patty: "Nothing dear, I'm just trashing your father."
Lisa: "Well, I wish you wouldn't because, aside from the fact that he has the
same frailities as all human beings, he's the only father I have therefore he
is my model of manhood and my estimation of him will govern my prospects of my
adult relationships. So, I hope you bear in mind that any knock at him is a
knock at me and I am far too young to defend myself against such onsluaghts."
Aunt Patty: "Uh, huh. Go watch your cartoon show, dear."
-- _Simpsons_Roasting_on_an_Open_Fire_
debraa@pogo.wv.tek.com
__________________________________________________
"Many people have senseless attachments to heavy, clumsy things such as this
'Homer' of yours."
-- Jacques in _Jacques_to_be_Wild_
cmbecker@athena.mit.edu
__________________________________________________
"You know, Marge, getting old is a terrible thing. I think the saddest day of
my life was when I realized I could beat my dad at most things. Bart
experienced that at the age of 4."
-- Homer in _Moaning_Lisa_
debraa@pogo.wv.tek.com
__________________________________________________
"Miss Simpson, I hope we won't have a repeate of yesterday's outburst of
unbridled creativity."
-- Principal Skinner in _Moaning_Lisa_
debraa@pogo.wv.tek.com
__________________________________________________
"This is the way I've always thought it should be. We've always blamed
ourselves, but I guess we know what cylinder wasn't firing!"
-- Homer in _Crepes_of_Wrath_
VitaM6!marciano@uunet.uu.net
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Enjoy! | A nice man is a man of nasty ideas. Jonathan Swift
Debbie | Kick the person in front of you.
| Blame it on the person behind you.
| from "Throw a Tomato"
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|
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