Old Totse review #3: Hand to Hand Combat

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Das Troll
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Joined: Mon Apr 15, 2019 2:10 am

Old Totse review #3: Hand to Hand Combat

Post by Das Troll » Fri May 22, 2020 12:09 am

https://newtotse.com/oldtotse/en/bad_id ... 66059.html

Ugh, OK time to dive deep into the past and pull up another gem.

"Upon scouring webites and BBS's I have ahd little sucess in finding a paper on hand to hand combat that was not pulled directly out of the Anarchists Cookbook. So here goes my take on it.

Oh yeah.. These techniques are not directed for the experienced martial artist, but more at the aspiring street fighter, or complete dumbass."

Oh please don't do anything from the anarchist cookbook. Shit is dangerous and bad.

"Part One

Daily limbering up of the legs will help in any confrontation, so here are some basic techniques. This section /should not/ be skipped, for being capable of executing akick is more essential then knowing how to. Repeat these every night before bed!

1. Simply lie down and sit up, with your legs extended in front out you and reach as far forward as possible, then hold until you can not bear it, then, whithout pulling back, reach farther foreward for 10 more seconds (Now be a pony. One and Two and Thee. Good! You've got it!)

2. Squat down and extend your right leg to the right, repeat the above instructions on holding. Repeat with left leg. (No dumbshit.. Extend the left leg to the LEFT)

3. Sit down and stick you right leg in the air, fully extended using your hands to pull as clsoe to you as you can, one again following the rules for holding.

Repeat with left"

Not bad. Just basic exercise. Any sort of fitness will help you in a physical confrontation.

"Part Two

I prefer this method in hand to hand, due to the extended reach and power, at the cost of speed/looking like an idiot.

1. Front Kick - Pull your knee up as high as possible and then kick outward. Raising the knee is absoltly essential, Do NOT do both simultaniously! Knee up: kick out! The best part of the foot to sue is the heel, or so I find. Target the stomach or the chest with this. IF you use the ball of the foot, attack the throat/jaw, but unless you are barefoot, use the heel.

2. Side Kick - Raise your knee, but before you extend, turn perpendicular to the enemy, then with your foot parallel to the ground, kick outward and upward. The heel is the only effective weapon for this with shoes. Target the upper chest or head with this. Yes, lazy, the head, now STRETCH!

3. Roundhouse - Facing the enemy perpendicular, raise the knee of the back foot and , with the leg almost parallel to the ground, kick with the ball of the foot. Target the temple or generic head.

4. Spinning Heel - Heres deadly power combined with speed and grace! In the same stance as for a roundhouse, Raise the back knee and while spinning - backwards - extend your leg and spin it into them, if you are feeling fly try to swing your leg with the kick. You must make sure to spin your uppen body too for increased power. Target head for devestating results."

Don't do any of this unless it's a kick in the nuts. It's a lot harder to kick than a person thinks. All this shit is just going to get you blasted in the face or slammed into the ground. This person probably has some martial arts experience so he's explaining it like it's easy. Sure it's easy for him but if you've never thrown a kick then you will likely fall on your ass.

"Part Three

Simple enough!

1. Punch: Straight! Don't hook it, you lose power that way! Clench your fist as tight as possible!

2. Ridge Hand: Open your hand and tuck your thumb under the palm. Now, extend the arm and start the arm from belt level, barly behind you and swing the part of your hand there the thumb would be into their jaw. Simple enough.

3. Palm Heel: Open your hand, and angle it upward, whith the bottom of the palm beng the most foreward. start at the belt and attack like a punch, right into where the point of the V in the center of the chest the the ribcage opens."

The only thing that isn't stupid is the first one and even then it's only half right. Straight punches are always good since they're quick and do damage. They're still not as good as a hook though in terms of raw power. Number two and three seem to be based on the karate principal of a reverse punch. Often karate-kas will chamber a punch from the waist. This will get you punched in the face. Keep your hands up like a boxer. The palm heel is a good attack and it probably should be used by people who don't know anything about fighting. You hit anyone in the head with a fist and you hit above the cheek bone you're likely to end up with a broken hand. Also the V in the center of the chest is the diaphragm. If I remember my anatomy classes correctly, when the diaphragm is struck hard enough it paralyzes the ability to expand your chest and take in breath. That's the feeling you get when the wind is knocked out of you. Good place to strike to be honest. Hard to break your hand with all the soft material around.

"Part 4

Leap up and execute and of the first 3 kicks to the head. Be Jakie Chan. If you can, make is a forewardmoving jump for added power!

That's all for now, not going to cover grappling becasue thats to complecated for words! If all else fails, turn your back to themand raise your heels repeatedly towards the enemy, mantaining a foreward motion.

Good night all, and in the words of a trooll berserker:

Ja 'ant Axe?


Just... Just don't. I've been doing martial arts for 18 years and I rarely, if ever jump. When you're in the air you have no control over where you're going. Some people can sort of control themselves in the air, but you're likely not one of them.

Final verdict. Some of the info is good but with all the spelling errors this is likely written by a teenager who only knew a little bit about fighting.

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Re: Old Totse review #3: Hand to Hand Combat

Post by AngryIVer » Fri May 22, 2020 7:47 am

I like how they misspelled "Jackie Chan"
Tell your friends about New Totse. Can't get murdered by police on the internet

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