Bondo: The Secret Weapon of Anarchy Nobody Knows About

Bondo: The Secret Weapon of Anarchy Nobody Knows About

by Akira the Razor

Note: I do not condone these activities, they are for informational purposes only.

Do you hate someone? Good. I hate a lot of people and I have found that there is a great way to permanently ruin their personal property that nobody really knows about. It is called "Bondo Autobody Repair Filler". I must first explain the body repair procedure that requires bondo so that i can tell you how to wreak havoc with it. You see, when a bodyman fixes a dent in a car, he removes the panel, hammers out the dent from the inside, then sands off the paint. This provides a good adhesion surface for the Bondo, which fills in the tiny low spots in the panel that cannot be hammered out. All of the supplies you need can be purchased at any auto part store, some hardware stores, and maybe a supermarket. Bondo comes in one gallon drums(it looks like a can of paint.) It sometimes comes in a smaller 1/2 gallon plastic container. You will need to buy a container of the Bondo, which will cost you anywhere from $10-$20, depending on how much you buy. You also need to buy a tube of hardener, which should be red or white (Try to get the red stuff, it works best.) The hardener will come in a toothepaste-like tube, and shouldnt run more than $10. Go home and get a bowl and a spoon (don't bust out your grandma's antique Victorian era silver soup spoon for this, because the spoon and the bowl will be totally ruined. Just use a plastic spoon and a piece of shit bowl.) Now crack open the can of bondo, and dish some out into the bowl. Open the tube of hardener, you should have a mixture of 10 parts bondo, 1 part hardener. For example, if you have 20 grams of bondo, add 2 grams of hardener. Got that? Now stir up the mixture with the spoon. It should become a solid pink/fleshy color. You have about ten minutes to smear it on anything before it becomes rock hard. You can also just use the plain bondo, no hardener, because it is super-sticky and it never goes bad, even if it is sitting there in an open container.

A few suggestions:

1. Smear it onto someones windows with your hands. Careful though, only paint thinner will remove it from your skin.

2. Funnel it into someone's gas tank. This will require them to buy a new gas tank and possibly some new engine parts, if you can manage to get it in there just before they start their car in the morning.

3. Get a hold of a syringe, minus the needle, and pump it into every keyhole on their house. It will totally ruin thier door, because nothing can get it out of there. Maybe hydrochloric acid will eat it away, but who has that readily available???

4. Take the plain bondo, no hardener, and mix it with someone's shampoo (The bondo will never get hard in there without the hardener.) Their hair will be ruined.

5. Put it into someone's food. This one is probably not a good idea, because first off, they will smell some strange chemical odor when they eat, and second off, it is poisonous and will most definitly put someone in the emergency room.

6. Grind it into dust and give your friends money to snort it, like we do in Auto Collison Repair Class at the trade school.

There are other types of body fillers which can be easily purchased at any auto supply store.

Duraglass - Green, with a white hardener. Basically the same as bondo, only it has small pieces of fiberglass in it for more durability. Dolphin Glaze - Comes in a large toothepaste-like tube. It is a very pale yellow color and it gets very hard in about ten minutes. No hardener is needed, just reseal the tube when you're done.

Have fun and be very careful that the porkers don't bust you for injecting it into someone's keyhole.