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Dont Do Stupid Shit Like Me
by PureEvil
2) Do not stick your fingers in cigar cutters when your drunk just because someone said "hey stick your finger in here
3) Do not ride a bike in the ice, or slick snow when you have a thorn patch at the end of your driveway
4) In conjunction with number 3, do not ride a overly small bike down a steep hill and over a large speed bump
5) Despite what we all like to think, not EVERYTHING is smokable
6) Don't throw frisbee's at lit lightbulbs
7) Eating a one pound block of cheese is not good either
8) Don't take pills just because they are there
9) Don't get drunk and run around naked at a shopping center
10) Yes gasoline smells good, but don't smell it for too long
11) check the expiration date on orange juice before making shooters
12) No you can't clean up all that glass after throwing plates of the balcony
13) It is not fun to dance on the roof despite the thrill
14) Most cat's have claws so don't blow in their face just because they make a funny face
15) Avoid animals when on XTC
16) REALLY avoid tree's when on XTC
17) If they are hot and drunk, they probably have a boyfriend that is big and drunk
18) Watch who you make the "that person is runnin like a jew in poland '45" crack to
19) If you see a homeless guy that looks like he's dead, don't try to wake him up
20) and don't laugh at him either
21) Just because they are wearing sunglasses doesn't mean they are blind
22) Empty paintball guns + old people = probation
23) Don't hit shopping carts with your car, as fun as it may seem
24) No it's not fun to get drunk and hit your drunk friend in the face with a champaign cork
25) Do not burn things in the bathroom
26) Although making dale earnhardt's death jokes can be quite amusing, do not make them to large burly black truck drivers
27) A pellet gun CAN kill a dog
28) Once again i need to stress not getting drunk and talking to your friends girlfriend
29) don't show up at your friends house with a bottle of jack daniels in your hand, sometimes their parents are home
30) Think about this when your a pedestrian "No that car probably can't see me coming around the corner"
31) Paint thinner is very flammable
32) "Hey let's just dump the gas directly from the can to the burn barrel"...no don't do that either
33) No cops believe "we were just going to hardee's" at 2 am
34) Getting blitzed and knocking on random peoples doors at 11 pm results in angry man with pistol
35) The first place your parents look for weed is your top drawer
36) And as good as a hiding place as it sounds, the second place they look is above the door frame in the inside of your closet
37) Yes those goofy fake wrestling moves really do hurt
38) That girls parents WERE serious about "no cum stains in my car or im gonna bust your nose in" they meant that, really
39) Yes even if it's a mom saying that
40) Don't tempt drunk friends to "Spray me with that mace, i fucking dare you" Because they are plastered and they will
41) Your parents don't believe (really) that your using that lighter for candles
42) Those floor fans in your room, they are moving faster then you think even if your tripping, the cover is there for a reason
43) If you work at a fast food place, and someone pulls up to the drive through and gets all cockey, don't spit in their food give it to them and say fuck off goat fucker under your breath because they may be your grandparents.
44) Girls know your not bending down underneath your desk JUST to get your pencil...
45) Just IGNORE those people who are selling you bootlegs in the baltimore subways, don't get pissy at them, they probably have knives
46) A pellet gun can go through shoe leather too you know...
47) This isn't TV, the bottles don't break peoples heads, they give them concussions
48) The first time you have a sexual encounter with a woman, make sure you can see what your doing, the small one's probably the ass hole
49) Sticking your dick in the vaccum cleaner hurts
50) Warm apple pie does not feel like pussy.