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Masters of Mayhem Cry Havoc and Let Slip the Dogs of War
by BANANDIT
Okay...by BANANDIT
I am a member of the banandits, and we kind of do what you all have been talking about in one nice little compact group. We are masters of mayhem. We have never been caught, and we do horribly nasty pranks to people and all deserve spankings. I will try to give you some pointers from personal experiences on how to perform devious acts with a very very small chance of getting caught. I have done everything that I am about to tell you either personally or have seen it done by one of my friends.
I am not advocating that you go out and do these things, rather the things that we have done have kind of sprang from an lack of anything else better to do or because this type of behavior has become tradition for us when we are on the way to a certain nightclub.
Anyways, here are some crazy things that you can do and how to avoid getting caught, and if you do get caught, how to utterly bullshit your way out of it.
We have set off firecracker packets inside of a nightclub bathroom that was supposed to be on a timed fuse, got questioned by security after I walked OUT of the fucking place with them blowing up not 5 seconds behind me, and me and my friend talked our way out of that, we have talked our way out of a situation with a cop once, avoided cops on numerous occasions, and done generally nasty shit.
HAVING FUN WITH MAILBOXES
Okay. You can have SOOO much fun with mailboxes at night. Take it from me, the best time to do anything to mailboxes is AT NIGHT, preferably at around 2 to 3 in the morning when everyone is ass tired and asleep. Usually I would recommend that you do this out in the country as far out in the middle of nowhere as possible. When doing anything to a person's mailbox, assure that you are not around a sharp bend in the road that somebody could swing around and catch you red handed in doing something to a mailbox, cause nobody will be checking their mail at 2:30 in the morning. Do it on a straightaway, preferably in a wooded area but DEFINITELY on a straightaway that you can see at least a good distance away from so that you can have time to react and not be suprised. Try not to do things to people's mailboxes that are in plain view of their house either, unless their lights are totally out and their view is somewhat obscured cause you wouldnt want some poor fuck to look out the window and see that you are beating the shit out of his mailbox/and or pissing on it/shitting on it/bananing it/whatever. That being said, if your mailbox falls within these categories, you may have some fun with it. Here are some ideas!
1. Wiggle it out of the ground, and it you are really on a lonely road out in the middle of McFuckin' nowhere, shove it on the back of the car and drive up a steep hill with it so it falls off the back and someone runs into it with their car when they come over the hill in the morning. LOL. SHIT SHIT! CRUNCH! LOL. Okay so that one's kind of nasty I dont know if I would go as far as to try to cause an accident, cause then it no longer becomes a prank but malicious, but it's just an idea.
2. Hit it with a baseball bat. My friend did like, no kidding, roundabouts 50 in one night. Got several at a time once. Sledges work better but are harder to hide. Never used them.
3. Get out of the car and fucking high kick it. Beat the shit out of it.
4. Bend the zip code signs in half.
5. Piss on it.
6. Shit ON it.
7. Shit IN it and then put it back up and put the flag up. Surprise Mr. Mailman, it isnt the dog this time that's gonna get 'ya.
8. Take their mail.
FUN WITH PAINTBALL GUNS
Almost a limitless amound of fun can be had with paintball guns. I love paintball guns. For plesure and for sport. They can make a regular boring and mundane night into a sheer adrenaline rush. Here are some ideas.
1. Get along some VERY HEAVILY wooded area and paintball a couple of cars from alot of cover and get the fuck out of there after a couple, cause sooner or later they will send a unit out there. Maybe you could have a friend down the road arrange to meet you at a certain location with CB radios and to scope out the area. We did this. It was fun.
2. Paintball a COP CAR. You may think WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS CRAZY but we did it and got away with it. I would advise that you be EXTREMELY CAREFUL when doing something like this, because if the piggies catch you, I don't know what will happen to you but I'd imagine it would be a night in the jail with bubba or at least an assault charge or some other charge against an officer; maybe like disorderly conduct or something. OH! Here is a story that I just found on the net. OMFG. NEVER shoot AT an officer. You wouldnt want to take out an eye and it's just supposed to be a prank, and you really shouldnt shoot at the cop car at all in the first place. Listen to what happened to someone else that was a dumbass and got caught:
A plain clothes cop was shot in the face with a paintgun, which narrowly missed his eye. The officer suffered bruises and swelling but did not require hospitalization. Four males between 17 and 19 are being charged with assault with a weapon and possession of a weapon dangerous to public peace.
Four 18-20 year olds were arrested for shooting paintballs at random houses and cars. All four were charged with breach of peace, weapons in a motor vehicle, unlawful discharge of a firearm and first-degree criminal mischief.
Six teens were arrested on charges of reckless endangering and third-degree assault for going on a 3-hour "paintball rampage". Fourteen people reported being shot, including one woman who was struck in the back several times and one girl who was struck in the eye.
And listen to what this girl has to say.
Lady Attitude Kristen Kleist is adamantly against paintball vandals. "If you drive around with your gun in your car gassed up with paint in the hopper, seek professional help. I am not joking. You are a psychotic if you shoot at anyone that has not consented to playing paintball."
Exactly. We are psychotic. We need adrenaline. That's why we do it. It is childish and self gratifying and yes, some say that it reflects badly on the sport of paintball, but then shouldnt hitting a mailbox with a baseball bat be considered reflecting badly on the sport of baseball? How about bowling? After all, that was the last activity that Dylan and Eric did before going on a shooting rampage at columbine? Yeah. Bowling. Not Duke Nukem or fuckin' Doom. It's called parenting. Look into it. ANYWAYS, back to random mayhem.
It was an extremely stupid thing to do to shoot a cop car, and we had two guy out there at, let's just say, a very high vantage point that was almost a cliff upon which myself and another paintballer had used converging fire on a cop car after paintballing about 10 other cars. The car sped up, obviously trying to turn around down the road, and all I said was RUN! Don't look back, just RUN! Luckily, we had our escape route planned out. A mere 45 seconds running distance away was our place of residence that we escaped into and were totally safe in. We then listened on the radio/scanner as they searched for us in the wrong spot for about an hour in a nearby cemetary (it was near halloween, maybe they made a connection.) Anyways, we decided to go to where the cops were searching for us and drive by them, with a predetermined story lined up so as not to arouse suspicion if they asked us if they saw paintballers. They looked around and made some nasty comments on their radios, then finally gave up.
Here are some other interesting ideas...
THROW BANANAS AT CARS GOING IN THE OPPOSITE LANE AT NIGHT ON LONELY ROADS IN THE COUNTRY! The best ones to do them to are big rigs, semis, or big assed trucks that wont be able to catch up to you, and if they turn around, which they sometimes do when you are like a half mile to a mile down the road, turn off on some side road and turn all your lights off; dont panic and run yourself into some fucking tree too dumbass.
PUT BANANAS IN MAILBOXES AND BLOW THEM UP WITH FIRECRACKERS!
PUT ROCKETS IN PEOPLE'S MAILBOXES!
PUT SMOKEBOMBS IN PEOPLE'S MAILBOXES!
THROW 12 BANANAS AT STREET BUMS ON THEIR WAY TO WORK! GET ROTTING ONES SO THEY SPLAT!
WHIP BANANAS AT PARKED CARS!
WHIP BANANAS IN TRUCK BEDS!
SHOOT BOTTLE ROCKETS AT PEOPLE WALKING AROUND ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD WITH BOTTLE ROCKET GUNS!
PAINTBALL PEDESTRIANS!
The possibilities are limitless, but I must discontinue this blog even though it only contains a fraction of some of the shit that we do because it is past my beddie bye time and I wouldnt want to make mommie upset now would I? Night night!