Artificial Intelligence

by Deliverance

Hello, my friends.

Your friendly neighborhood herald of doom here, to tell you a little about machines and their many evils. Please be patient with me, as most of this I'm making up as I go along.

From early days, man has depended on it's own creations to further itself. Perhaps you've seen the countless, mind-numbingly repetitive references to man creating things like the wheel, fire and sponges. It would be hard to miss, what with society beating these stupid stereotypes into your head endlessly.

Anyways, cavemen created the wheel, quite simply, so they could move around faster. All through history this repeats with other inventions. Man creates a hybrid of the two metals copper and tin, so the inferior weapons of the time cannot pierce his shiny exterior. Man creates bigger weapons to pierce this shiny exterior. Man creates a big ass wall, so other men can't steal his woman. Other men create shovels to dig under the wall...? Man basically created a lot of things throughout the ages in order to make himself appear closer to what created him (Or didn't, depending on your theology). It's obviously stemming on some kind of deep philosophical issue there, so I'll hold off on that.

Eventually, man creates the switch, man discovers the electron and man develops the machine. The first computers were created mechanically. As in with cogs and shit. Eventually the technology was refined over years, and the digital age of computers began. Computers became more intelligent. But of course man was the almighty king of the universe, able to squash mighty bugs with his bare fists! So machines could never surpass his mightiness.

...Until they did. Remember that thing? The whole "My god! That big square thing beat that russian guy in chess! ...A computer? Wtf is a computer?" Computer surpasses man. Eh heh heh. But of course people of the world rest easy, knowing that they were the ones that created machines. Obviously we can control machines if we created machines... Right?

And over the last few years we've had a sudden influx of movies. Stuff like the Matrix, the Terminator films and the like. All with pretty much the same plot. Some stupid guy creates a machine that can think for itself, that machine gains access to the internet and suddenly it has control of all those shiny nuclear missiles George Bush won't let the UN take from him.

Ok time for the conclusion paragraph. My motivation for writing this article today was an article I myself read. Can't remember where, but I remember reading it. Some guy in America somewhere has apparently created a biological machine, made with organic cells and the like. Another step towards Artificial Intelligence! It really makes you think, no? Just imagine... The next time you're online, you turn away for a second, and you're suddenly startled as the cd drive opens, pushing your leg and making your swirly office chair swirl, while at the same time, the cable from your mouse shoots from the back usb port on your computer and wraps around your throat... The swirling of the office chair only tightens the cords grip around your throat... (Queue dramatic music)

Fin.