The Physics of Sex

by A.W. Kuhfeld, et al. M.I.T.

PRELIMINARY OBSERVATIONS UPON AN ISOBARIC SPIN MODEL OF HUMAN SEXUALITY

by A.W. Kuhfeld, et al. M.I.T. (Monster Institute of Transylvania)

Abstract: Research into sex has long been hindered by the common practice of considering the human male and female to be two distinct entities, having totally unrelated properties. The clearest expression of this attitude may be found in the erroneous system of experimental calibration known as the Double Standard. Rather, there is an intimate relationship between these two forms of humans, as recent experiments have conclusively revealed. This relationship is amenable to various formalisms of modern physical science.

Certain aspcts of human sexuality have been investigated in detail by methods of nuclear physics, but the field is still largely unexplored. In particular, it is astonishing that the powerful methods of Group Theory have never been applied to the phenomenon, in view of the well-documented know- ledge that most human sexual behavior occurs in groups of two or more. The most prominent human sexual characteristic is dualism, which suggests that an isobaric spin formalism based upon the more familiar t=1/2 baryon doublet would be immediately applicable.

It is generally conceded that the male gets a larger charge out of sex than the female (although this has recently been challenged by Huang, Bang, and Sigh who claim that the greater escitation of the female is masked by a lack of monopole emission mechanism, giving the male a spuriously higher transition rate to the unexcited state). We may tentatively assign tz=1/2 to the male and tz= -1/2 for the female. If the sexual investigations now proceeding in almost all universities and colleges having proper research facilities produce data requiring modifications to this assumption, we can easily apply a similarity transformation to all results obtained under this assumption. Statistics are another important aspect of the problem, since they will govern the sexual relationship between isospin coupling and spatial behavior. Early and easily obtained data on the deviations of humans from ideal gas behavior at room temperature would suggest that humans are fermions rather than bosons. In particular, when humans are compressed they tend to maintain as large an average inter-human distance as possible. This is especially noticable in elevators and buses, where the limiting density is asymptotically approached only under great pressure. It is true that the average m-f distance is smaller than the average m-m or f-f distance, which is strong support for the fermion concept, but this behavior could be governed by the potentials of the system. It is known that many apparently attractive humans posess repulsive cores.

Stronger evidence in favor of fermionic behavior in humans comes from observing the pure T=1 states m-m and f-f. In the closely interacting system the most commonly observed behavior is anti-symmetric, with the humans oriented in opposite directions. Since this is an S state (the only relative motion being radial rather than angular) opposed intrinsic orientations implies antisymmetry. The analogue of this T=1 state is also observed in the m-f system, (known commonly as 69) but there has not been enough valid research to establish the relative amplitude of such behavior. If it is found to occur with equal strength in the f-f, m-f, and m-m systems then our isobaric spin model is upheld. In any case, the T=0 coupling with m and f having parallel orientations is preponderant. This indicates that the T=0 attraction is much stronger than the T=1 under normal conditions.

Unfortunately for acceptance or rejection of the group theoretic hypothesis, by far the greatest number of experiments in the interaction of humans occur in the T=0, spatially symmetric m-f state. This is not surprising, for the T=0 behavior is far more accessible to the majority of researchers (with their limited funds and specialized equipment) than the theoretically more complex T=1 system. There is a surprising lack of information about the t=1/2 isolated human in the literature, although it would seem at first that the study of this system should be easiest of all. (We may speculate that the government considers the dissemination of knowledge about t=1/2 behavior dangerous to the national security, and is therefore suppressing all mention of the subject. This seems improbable, for t=1/2 behavior rarely leads to observable consequences, while T=0 interactions seem to provide the main motive power for many humans. It could be that the government, acceeding to the many requests for it to attempt feedback in the t=1/2 case, has experienced a breakthrough. In the balance, however,it seems likely most researchers find the t=1/2 case interesting only as a preparation for T=0 or 1 investigations. Since there is no tradition of "publish or perish" in this field - a unique situation in itself - this would explain the scanty literature).

Although this model shows considerable promise in evaluation of many of the features of human sexuality, it is not totally valid. Obviously, with the mass of the female less than the mass of the male, they are not totally describable by an isobaric model (which assumes equal masses). Also the mesons mediating the interaction seem to be almost totally emitted by the male and absorbed by the female. A metastable state with a nine month lifetime has been observed in the female, while multiple emission from this metastable state is also infrequently seen (with a slightly smaller average lifetime). This metastability is completely lacking in the male. It is obvious, therefore, that there is some symmetry-breaking intereaction present. This interaction may in most cases be treated only as a perturbation; it is most perturbing when the metastable state is excited, since this excitation *requires* a symmetry breaking interaction.

Despite the inadequacies of the isobaric spin model, it suggsets many lines of future research. Perhaps the most fruitful would be the highly excited states of the many body problem (referred to in the popular literature as the "orgy"). If we assume that all interactions are the sum of the two-body interactions involved, then it is possible to predict immediately that in the three body problem the T=1/2 state will dominate the T=3/2 state; and that the T=1/2 contribution will will come from a strong m-f T=0 coupling, with the remaining human coupled loosely to this pair. An investigation of this system as a function of the valence human's tz might shed a good deal of light on the symmetry breaking interaction.

REFERENCES

1. "The Quantum Mechanics of Sex" Arluis, E. Vell, JOURNAL OF THE M.I.T. SCIENCE FICTION SOCIETY, 69, 20-443 (1984)

2. "Do Children have as Much Fun in Children as Adults Do In Adultery?" Fraud, S., Aberrational Psychophysics, 1 1-2 (1894)

3. "Upon Certain Aspects of Certain Interactions About Which Nothing Is Certain" Huang, Bang, and Sigh, COMPTES RENDUS HEBDOMADAIRES DE LA SOCIETE APHRODITES ANONYME, .236A 56-100 (1966)