Some Interesting Ways to Kill a Friend (or Enemy)

Some Interesting Ways to Kill a Friend (or Enemy)

by The Gremlin

Hi, it's me, The Gremlin again. This time, I decided to write about some cool ways to kill somebody you don't like, and have a good time laughing while you do it.

..If he/she races BMX, string a 60 pound test line across a jump or in the middle of the track...

..Staple his mouth to the tail-pipe of your BMW, and put a piece of tape across his nose, then drive about 20 miles at top-speed, by this time, his mouth should be enmeshed with the tail-pipe, his knuckles, knees, and feet will be practically non-existent from dragging on the ground, AND he'll be quite dead from inhaling all that Carbon Monoxide...

..Make concrete blocks out of his hands, then hang him from a bridge across a not too well travelled road, by his feet. Set him swinging, and wait for the next truck or van...

..Hang him spread-eagle off a diving board, with a weight tied around his stomach. If the board is low enough, you should be able to bounce up and down on the board, and watch him drown slowly...

..Tie a rope around his neck straight up to the top of a sail on a sail- boat, and strap his feet to the floor, straight in the middle of the boat. Every time the sail comes around, it should hit him quite hard in the head. I recommend this only for very windy days...

..Use him as a marker in a giant slalom ski race...

..slide razor blades across his back for about 20 minutes, then give him the choice of shooting himself in the head, or being thrown in a bath-tub full of gin...

..tie him up spread eagle in front of a pitching machine, in such a way that the tip of his nose is about 2 inches away from the barell...

..tie him up, and handcuff him. Then put his fingers in between the type- head of an old-fashioned typewriter, and the paper. You might like typing out your opinions of him, while he suffers...

..Take a pair of handcuffs and put them on his feet. Then strap a rope between them, so you hold on to the rope. Go on Space Mountain in Disney- Land, and drag him off the back. If you get tired or scared, just let go, it's only 80 or 90 feet down to the concrete...

..steal all the jacks at the Indy 500, and use him as a replacement...

..If he happens to be a sadist, pluck off his arms and legs, just as he probably did to flies...

..bury him standing up 8 feet deep in sand, then make a wider area around his head about 2 feet deep. Pry his eyes open with something (preferably infectious) and pour in salt. THEN let in six rats, and watch them gouge out his eyes for food...

..Tie rubber-bands around his ankles (really strong and long ones MUST be used for this, about 10 feet long) and go up on top of a high dive, that is shorter than the somewhat extended length of the rubber-bands. Use him as a yo-yo...

..String him out across the track at the next Summer Olympics right before the mens 100 meter dash, in place of the ribbon...

..Get all dressed up in a radiation suit, and drive out to Three Mile Island or some other nuclear test that failed its' safety test. Find a huge vat of anything that looks dangerous, is boiling, or is made of a color nature never knew existed. Then grab him by the ankles (like Achilles' mother did) and dunk him in it for about 10 minutes...