My cousin gave me this and it seemed quite funny so i though use might like it. Oh and i havent checked the bible to make shore that what is said is right so dont blame me if its wrong.
"Dear oprah:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding god's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and i try to share that knowledge with as many people as i can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, i simply remind him or her that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
I do need some advice from you however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to follow them.
a)When i burn a bull on the alter as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the lord(Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should i smite them?
b)I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
c)I know htat i am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her menstral uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24) The problem is, how do i tell? I have tried asking, but most woman take offence.
d)Lev. 25:44 states that i may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, providing they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why cant i own Canadians?
e)I have a neighbour who insists to work on the Sunday (the Sabbath). In the book of Exodus verse 35:2 it cleary states he should be put to death. Am i morally obligated to kill him myself?
f)A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination(Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I dont agree. Can you settle this.
g)Lev. 21:20 states that i may not approach the alter of God if i have defect in my sight. I have to admit i wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
h)Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should the die?
i)I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, butmay i still play fotball if i wear gloves?
j)My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotten/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blasphome a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them?(Lev. 24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws. (Lev. 20:14). I know you have studied these things extensively, so i am confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan."
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