I've always accepted the existence of God, but I've lacked what was necessary to walk with Him. Every man walks a journey called life, and I've been standing still for quite some time.
Last night it finally clicked, and I was able to let go. For every action, there is a reaction, and when I let go I was blindsided by the love that replaced the confusion, ignorance, and hatred that will never find quarter in my heart, again. My stormy heart is calm at last. Before last night, I had a knot in my chest; a weight that held me down, and kept me blind and deaf to the truth. I was one week away from requesting a prescription for valium to calm that storm in me. I was actually looking forward to it. I had a desire for that answer. All that anxiousness, and confusion has left my body, and I am free. Chirst took that from me long ago, and I thought I understood what that meant, but I was wrong. I've led a wicked life, all the while denying my God. I would pray and repent and deny my Savior through actions I knew to be wrong. Eventually I just stopped praying altogether, because I knew I would only disappoint Him. Last night changed me forever. I woke up today with a calm I had never previously experienced. I would use certain drugs to attain that state in the past, but they all pale in comparison to steady hand of God. I thought I had accepted His way in the past, but I never really let go of the burdens that weighed on my soul. Last night was a turning point. One that I will stay until my dying day. I was given an opportunity to prove that today...and I failed. But, the message of it all was recieved loud and clear, and my eyes and ears have been opened to the will of God. I was amazed at the speed of his call. I failed the test, but the answer was recieved immediately, and I can now say that I am ready to walk with Him, and follow wherever he leads me. I have no doubt that my journey is about to get harder, but my strength comes from the Almighty and now I can stand. And walk.
I will no longer be lukewarm. I'm on fire and I intend to spread the flames of passion for God to any who will listen.
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