For the past few years religion has been battling within my mind. It started off as a battle between different religions and formed into a battle between religion and "reality" (not to offend those who have religion).
I grew up Catholic, went through Catholic school, and was forced to confirm to the religion. During my confirmation I studied many other religions ranging from Islam to Buddhism to see which religion would be best for me. My parents saw otherwise and threatened to take away just about everything I have if I didn't confirm to catholicism. I confirmed.
After that religion stopped being something I was interested in. I stopped even thinking about religion in any way. But fter a while I started "talking" to God again. I didn't ask for forgiveness. I didn't ask for safety. I asked questions that I wasn't supposed to ask. It wasn't asking really, more like thinking to myself.
"What if Hell isn't fire and brimstone? What is Satan rebelled for other reasons? What if God isn't perfect?"
Quickly I retracted my statements and apologised to God for questioning him.
It got worse and worse. I started rethinking
everything about Catholicism which led to questioning the Bible which led to questioning religion itself. And now that I have no religion I have realized that the only thing holding me onto religion in the first place was fear. Every question brought fear into me. Every "wrong" thought made me fearful of an eternity in a lake of fire. Fear at every turn. I no longer have these fears.
Funny how fear can control someones beliefs without them even knowing it.
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