Misrepresentation and Insincerity

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This post is going to be about talking to God...something known as prayer.

Many people pray with 'vain repetitions'...Praise God this, praise God that, amen this, amen that, hallelujah this, hallelujah that...total bullshit.

Frankly, I get pissed off at God. I feel abandoned by God some times. I get really frustrated with the day to day bullshit I experience sometimes. It's not all praise and thanks...a lot of the time I'm an ungrateful SoB and I actually start accusing God of trying to fuck me over and ruin me (ya know, because I'm so important that God takes time out of his day to plot against me, haha). But that's how I sincerely feel.

I tell God how I sincerely feel...if I'm pissed off, he hears my wrath. If I'm afraid, he hears my concers. If I'm lonely, he hears my feelings of abandonment. It isn't through bullshit like feeling like killing my self and lying through my teeth, "Praise God for this blessed day," that I grow into a real relationship with my Creator. What good does it do me or God to pretend like I'm not infuriated with him at times? What good does it do either to be insincere, to misrepresent my self to the One who knows me completely already?

To you atheists out there...ya know, telling God that you don't believe he exists is a great starting point to a rather wonderful friendship. I started off praying some time ago with, "You dirty motherfucker, how could you do all of this to me? I don't even think you exist, but here I am, cursing you anyways." Over time, I've come to call what I thought to be a boundless void of the imagination my friend. Deluded? Maybe. It's hard though, to continue believing there's nothing there when you get an answer for the first time.

Peace, back to work for me.

Edit: And sometimes, my boss walks in, hands me a sub sandwich for lunch, and 30$ cash, and tells me he may or may not come back today. These are the times when it's like, "Whoa, thanks G."