How to Piss Off KFC Employees
by Ikilluslo
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1. If you queue in a register with a really hot girl, request a 'fillet' of breast, but say it like "Can I please have a 'feel-et' of your breast?"
2. Or if you're really game request a look of one of the lovely lady's thighs.
3. FREE MEAL: When the 'Drive Thru' is really crowded, drive up behind another car and when you get to the service counter just point towards the car in front of you and say something like "I'm with them." Sound confident and where applicable and if possible sound MEAN! The order taker should let you drive past into the waiting point between the order window and the collection window... When you reach the collection window the employees will automatically assume your are the next customers and give you the meal which is next in line... Which of course will not be your order but the one of the person behind you. Be prepared to wait and act naturally... Do not demand your meal unless you've been waiting for longer than you would consider fair... When you get your meal, leave... NOW! Don't ya' just love the Colonel's stupidity?
4. ANOTHER FREE MEAL: Approach the manager's register during a rush. And bitch very angrily... Without insulting anyone that you came here (to their shop) last night and order a four-person family meal and the chicken had hair completely through it and that this made you feel sick and you could no longer eat the chicken and had to have sandwiches for dinner... Tell them that you are most dissatisfied with this... If he/she offers to replace that part of the meal (and you feel in control) tell them that you think that they should replace the whole meal as none of it was eaten and went cold. Presto!
5. Complain that the chicken is too fatty or that it has 'brown stuff' all over it.
6. Call them from your home and sound very anxious, say "Uh, uh... Excuse me. I'm uh in your um toilets and I seem to have run out toilet paper here and I'm calling from my mobile so could you please send someone to replace the toilet paper. After they apologise or say "Ok. Yes. We'll send in someone right away." or some shit like that, thank them and hang up.
Ten to fifteen minutes later call them back up (it should be the same person) this time sound quite angered and impatient, say fast "Hi it's me again! I've been waiting in here for 20 minutes for someone just to come in here and give me some goddamn toilet paper and I'm getting really impatient now. Could you please send me in some toilet paper, NOW?" They should sound confused, worried or angry at their worker's, which (if you were in there, they would have replaced the toilet paper) And he/she will say something like "Um... I'm soooo- sorry, I thought I sent someone in their 10 minutes ago to replace the toilet paper." Then you say, much calmer now. "Oh... OK, which KFC location is this?" When they tell you, apologise and say you're at another local KFC and hang up.
7. Approach EACH and EVERY member of the one at a time in private with a note pad and ask them that the "11 Secret Herbs and Spices" are... When they tell you they don't know, tell "Ah, don't give me that." and dismiss whatever they said as bullshit. Then stare at them and wait until they start talking again, when they do say, pen to paper, "Well can you tell me just one of the secreat herbs and spices?" If they answer, thank them and move on... If they don't tell them they're wasting your time and move on.
8. Ask for a 'fried chicken head' when he/she says they don't serve those... Bellow "HOW DARE YOU?! NEVER HAVE I HEARD SUCH DISGUSTING FOWLNESS! GET YOUR MANAGER RIGHT NOW!" When the manager comes casually order your meal as if nothing happened.
9. Request a discount from a particularly large order. When they decline with some line like "The combo's already are discounted." kindly correct them by telling them that the combo's are not discounted and ask them again.
10. Complain that the 'potato' in the 'potato and gravy 'is not really potato and that the name should be changed to "ARTIFICIAL POTATO and gravy" POST HASTE!
11. Complain that your coleslaw salad is not infact a salad.
12. Bitch LOUDLY that their fries (chips) are not thin enough.
13. Ask if any of their product is Genetically modified, engineered or enhanced in quality IN ANY WAY buy genetic manipulation.
14. Ask how the Colonel died.
15. Order a drumstick and tell the person serving you that they have nice legs.
16. Tell the person serving you that "I Heard that KFC was actually serving rabbit instead of chicken as it was cheaper to buy and better for the environment." Then lean forward and ask them to, "Now, please tell me... How do you make the rabbits grow wings?"
17. Make two chicken legs dance in front of the employee of your choice. Complete with your own mouth-music, give each leg a name, personality and favourite dance.
18. Complain to the manager that they don't have a 'PlayLand'.
19. Ask for a coffee refill.
20. Select the 'hottest' manager... Each time you visit the shop and they're working there, call them and play the "My Neck, My Back, Lick My Pussy And My Crack" song pausing at regular intervals and bringing the receiver to your ear to hear what they say. If they don't answer, ask the person on the line to speak with them with regards to the quality of their food.
Turrah! -Ikilluslo
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