How to NOT get Busted when Stoned

by CatatonicHandGrenade

I just moved out of the home, and had been smoking pot in that home for the last 6 or 7 years. Only caring about "getting caught" for the first 3 or 4, until I got a little brains in my head and managed to explain to my parents that I am making these choices regardless of any rhetoric they throw my direction implicating threats of punishment and other repricussions of their finding me smoking herb, so they would be wiser to at least have me do it safely (i.e. off the streets and away from "trouble with the law"). From then on it was easy sailing since they knew I got stoned pretty regularly. But anyway, I know some of you out there are younger teenagers and have mom and dad to look out for, so here is a list of everything I could compile from what I used to do to hide it, and more importantly, what exactly it was that gave away myself and my friends.

The inevitable "red-eye"

This is caused by a dehydration of the body from smoking pot. Notice how you never sweat, have a sticky mouth, and dry eyes when you're high? All the water is drained. This is easily remedied in this day and age with drops. Put a maximum of 3 in at a time (I have seen excessive amounts of drops cause the problem to actually worsen), about 15 minutes before you see your doomsayers.

HELP! no eye drops.

If that's you, go buy or steal some from your local CVS, walgreens, eckerd, etc. If that's still not a possibility, you would be wise to DRINK A LOT OF FUCKING WATER. Water alleviates cotton mouth, munchies, and red eyes. It truly is a godsend to the unprepared stoner. Drink a lot though, like 5 glasses. You'll be pissin later.

Stinking of weed

This actually is more just what I've seen parents say when they really DON'T smell weed on their kid, and may jsut be springing a test on their kid due to recent suspicions or something, because I have learned that the smell dissipates very quickly off clothing and hair. However, the hands continue to reek of weed long after someone smokes, because that is the part that has been digging through bags of weed, rolling joints/blunts, packing down into bowls, holding sticky, and the worst, the tar-laden blunt roach that stinks to the high heavens of herb oil (smell your next blunt roach, you'll understand if you somehow missed that one). Remedy this by a THOROUGH washing of the hands with soap and warm water, or if that's nto available, just rub your hands around in something smelly. Eat some buffalo wings or something.

Smell it on your breath

If someone says this to you, they either just walked in as you were smoking or they are full of shit. The smell is gone from your breath in 5 minutes MAX. And if you're that concerned, take a god damn breath mint.

Posture

A lot of kids lose themselves as their are being talked to. They end up wavering. JUST STAND STILL! I always used to lean against something to support me.

Knowing through speech/behavior

This is a tough one, the one that always got me. I never had a problem keeping my eyes normal and I always smelled ok. But I always fucked up when I was talking to them, so what I eventually learned to do was jsut say nothing. Smile and keep eye contact.

That's all for now, hope it helps you younger kids or anyone who lives with anyone that shouldn't know about your naughty habit.