Tips for the Marijuana Smoker

by MartinStaper

Heres some handy tips for all you potheads out there!

First, you'll want to have a little nifty container for holding all of your weed paraphernalia and the weed itself. Find a metal container of some sort with a strong lid; I like using altoid containers although they are a bit small. I also suggest getting one of those awesome little baggies for holding the leaf, which you can find around the house somewhere. Smaller bags are better because you can just tilt them and pour the bud into whatever you're smoking it with, big bags are clumsy and hard to do this with(as well as hard to hide).

It's good to keep a lighter with your weed at all times, I hate having to resort to using matches to smoke weed, it's a waste. Also keep whatever you use to smoke in the container as well (rolling papers, bowl) I myself prefer a nice, medium sized bowl with an effective clear-hole for smoking, but everyone is different. (If you don't have anything to smoke it with, I reccomend using a penhitter. To make one, get a papermate pen. First, unscrew the metal bottom part. Remove ink cartridge, and light that end of the plastic on fire to make it softer. Push the smaller end of the metal part into the melted pen and make sure that its firmly in and wont fall out. Now stuff some weed in the metal part, and toke it up! You can also make a bong out of an apple, but that absorbs too much smoke to bother with)

Marijuana prices: For the love of christ, do not get ripped off. It happens all the time, I used to do this to people for money myself sometimes. If you're a newbie to smokin' the leaf, get an experienced friend to help you with buying the pot. Also, try to find a good dealer and become his bud. Often your buddies will hook up phat because they like you. If you're meeting a dealer you dont know, then bring a big friend with you, it can't hurt. Also, always try to buy eighths (one eighth of an ounce). You get more weed for your money! Hells yeah, son.

Ok, so now you have a phat sack of weed, and your own nifty little kit. Get a good buddy or two (In my opinion, smoking weed alone is dumb) and find a good place to toke it up. Try to choose a place where you have an extremely small chance to get caught, and set up everything etc. Now, the best part is chiefin that sweet leaf. Try not to take a hit thats too big, cause you'll end up either coughing like a bitch and blowing the substance all over the place (You fool) or you'll swallow it, and cough insanely until you burp the smoke out. Also, it's best to try to light the weed up as less as possible. Keeping the roast saves your weed! And if the bowls roasting, don't hoard it! Pass it on to your next bud. Keep the smoke in your lungs as much as possible, and shotgun (blow the smoke into the person's face while they suck in) to the person thats before you. This way, smoke gets used more! Efficient, huh?

Now, if a cop ever gets near you: RUN LIKE HELL! Try to keep a lookout for the fuz, and always be on your guard. You can never be too paranoid. If you're stuck holding the shit, run, and hide it somewhere nearby incase you're gonna get caught. Also, try to have someone with a cigar/cigarrete so it covers the weed smell up, and you can also just say that you were smoking those, which will get you in virtually no trouble. Also, avoid smoking weed in cars while driving with somebody, if you get caught you're a friggin goner, although the cigarrette trick might work for this.

Now, for when you're done tokin' it up.. Try to sleep over at a friends house. If you can't, avoid all contact with parents. Try to use clear eyes or something.. and maybe a little axe body spray. Tell you're parents you're trying to get laid. It might just work. And remember: They're never 100% sure you're high unless you TELL them, or they're experts. Try not to bring the bowl you just used with you home right away, because that's what smells like weed the most. Stash it away outside, like in a gutter for just a little while. Crotch your weed, and hide all of your other stuff when you go somewhere. In fact, its awesome to crotch your weed. Nobody looks there.

Now, if you're going on a trip somewhere and you just absolutely have to bring reefer with you, cut a piece of soap in half. Cut the inside out, and fill the bar with the weed (in a bag of course). Close it back up, and rub the soap so the line disappears. Place it back in the container, put it with your shampoo and other stuff and you're good. (I hope. Please note I've never done this before, and I got the idea from someone else)

For your weed money, save it up any way you can. Saving all coins you find in a jar and converting to cash later on is awesome. Also, you can budget your lunch money so you have like $10 a week. (ie, you get 3 bucks a day for lunch.. Spend only one, save two. That's 2x5, or 10 bucks for every week) Also, ask for money to go out and eat dinner sometimes and use that shizzle for the munchies. Personally, I like splitting the cost with 1 or 2 other people (good friends) and chiefing it all with them on the spot. That way, there's little evidence left. Also, when you're stoned, do fun shit! Hang out with unstoned people, listen to whatever music you want to and watch movies (Stoner movies are great, and listening to dark side of the moon while Wizard of Oz is on is phenominal)

Not much else to say, really. Take the stems and seeds out of your pot b/c they contain no THC (unless your in it for the smoking.. which is dumb) and don't smoke weed to feel better if you're depressed, because you'll get hooked! Marijuana can be psychologically addicting. It's not for everyone. Wait, what am I saying? Hell yeah it is fool!

And marijuana IS harmful in some aspects. Some friends might not hang out with you anymore, and that really blows cock. And here are the worst things: The munchies make you FAT! I gained 13 pounds! I need to loose that flab off for sports, and that sucks. Smoke also damages the lungs kidluns! Running is harder!

I've also heard the rumor that drinking orange juice (vitamin C) gets you higher. I've done this numerous times, and it seems to have worked. But maybe it's just a placebo. If anyone knows, tell me!

Also, save the seeds for someone who wants to grow bud! You could even sell them for cheap prices! Or eat them before you go to sleep or something. Mm-mm, tasty!

That's all biznatches! Peace out, have fun!

-MartinStapler