totse.com | I Met Myself

NOTICE: TO ALL CONCERNED Certain text files and messages contained on this site deal with activities and devices which would be in violation of various Federal, State, and local laws if actually carried out or constructed. The webmasters of this site do not advocate the breaking of any law. Our text files and message bases are for informational purposes only. We recommend that you contact your local law enforcement officials before undertaking any project based upon any information obtained from this or any other web site. We do not guarantee that any of the information contained on this system is correct, workable, or factual. We are not responsible for, nor do we assume any liability for, damages resulting from the use of any information on this site.

This file is an excerpt from the book "The Beyond Within: The LSD Story" by Sidney Cohen.

The following narrative report is from a young man who came into the laboratory, was checked over, and in due time was given LSD. He was just one of a series of subjects, nothing extraordinary about him. His reason for volunteering to take the drug? He was a psychology student, had heard about the visual effects, and thought it would be interesting to see what they were like.

the strangest thing happened on the way to me this day. I met myself and found that i'm really not me after all. Or perhaps i should say that i have found out what it is like to exist. For that's all there was left that instant, at that instant when feeling, thinking, being, all were caught up into one ebbing unity; a unity which was me, but not me, too. A me-not-me which stood there nakedly and pointed back at itself in a sorrowful joy, and asked "why?" that's all, just "why?" but then the "why" didn't matter and it just was! i have now the strangest feeling that i'm so alone and yet so crowded. Have you ever felt like all that existed was you, and that suddenly the reason for your "youness" was knocked out from underneath you?

I have just come back from seeing the world for the first time. A little over two hours ago by watch time i went out to eat dinner, and i'll be damned if life isn't beautiful. I sat in the restaurant just en- joying living. Everything seemed so clear and beautiful. It was like looking at the world for the very first time and thinking to yourself, how beautiful, how sen- suous!! the people in the rest- aurant must really have thought me queer. I watched the ice in the ice water, the water on the counter top, the reflection of the ceiling in the water, i watched the wait- resses, the busboys, and above all else, i watched the cheese melt on top of my hamburger. Have you ever watched the foam on a glass of beer? what a world of delight can exist in such a common thing. I looked at the people sitting around, all grumpy and grouchy, and felt sorry for them. Can't they see how beautiful life is? . . . I re- member looking down the street and thinking to myself how many lights there are in the city and nobody to look at them.

I think that i'm going to quit typing now and lie down, i think my back is very sore. So, darling, i hope you didn't mind too much sharing this little bit of time with me, and maybe getting a glimse of what i have been through, felt, become, what all, in this last twelve hours. Undoubtedly we'll have many chances to sit down and laugh about it in the future. I hope there is a future for us, but i hope we don't laugh to much, but then, i hope we don't cry. Like i said, "a funny thing happened".