Samuel_Dies

by Malone27

I have a strange idea of life. While i appreciate the many wonders and simple pleasures of this world i still see my perfect vision of life as sitting in a darkened room with a computer, maybe a tv, and a constant supply of cigarettes. Entertaining myself and myself only, feeding myself, living a life of indulgence and abuse to my body. Underslept and overfed, literally decaying but still somehow content.

I would adore to have the means to satisfy every whim and flight of fancy that occurred to me. Or living my life out in a motel room. I can see the day now when i check in to that hotel, my very own deluxe coffin. I can see myself putting my money down on the reception desk, telling the pretty young secretary that i "May be staying for some time, and when i pay the bill doesn't matter to me. here's ten thousand dollars (is ten thousand dollars really that hard to come by?) bill me for what i use out of this. how much a night? very well, thank you, i'll see myself up."

I have a fascination with motel rooms. it's very much like being young again. there is no need to worry about a supply of food, drinks or entertainment, it's all pretty much done for you, and a mother, of sorts, that makes your bed and refills the fridge. i'm sure they would do my ironing for me if only i asked... it's definitely a shame, my lack of ambition, my need for insant fulfillment of my needs. the way i feel about everybody else in my life, i feel they aren't even there, and i am perplexed as to why anyone would want me in their life. i am selfish, greedy, and generally uneducated about the simplest things in life. i know only how to read and write, to do arithmetic, and to think. i think the idea about the motel is second only to my idea about buying some land and building on it a house, a peculiar house suited to my every need, diametrically opposed to all previous architectural conventions. Perhaps it would be circular, perhaps hexagonal, but in this house i would die. You know there aren't many things holding me back from ending my life now, one being my immediate family members. Seriously... they have enough problems, and two... well, those same immediate family members probably wouldn't be able to afford the funeral... that is why i would need to run away to some remote location first. Oh yes, I'm still a child, i still live with my mother, and she has no idea how i feel. ›››