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Common sense word problems

Dedaparamaxxaginos Productions presents . . .

Common Sense Word Problems

INTRODUCTION
------------

This file contains word problems that can be solved by using your
common sense (assuming you HAVE any; avid Dedaparamaxxaginos
Prodictions readers can safely assume they will FAIL this exam).
Think before you answer the questions. There will be a quiz on this
material sometime within the 21st century.

And now, on with the show.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

COMMON-SENSE WORD PROBLEMS

1). Suppose you are on an elevator on the 16th floor of a building,
when the cable breaks. As you plummet toward the ground, you
recall that you once heard that by jumping up FAST at the instant
of impact, you can escape death. You also recall that the floors
are twelve feet apart and that the speed of a falling object is
32 feet per second per second. When should you jump?

SOLUTION: You would impact between the 2nd and 3rd second after the
cable broke, so you would want to jump 2 seconds after the break.
However, considering the calculations involved, you would probably end
up as a heap of screaming bloody fucking mess at the bottom of the
elevator shaft. Besides, there's no telling if jumping really works.

2). A light year is 5.9x10^12 miles and Alpha Centuri is 2.5x10^14
miles away. If your friend stood on the surface of Alpha Centuri
and waved, how long would it be until you could see it from the
earth?

SOLUTION: From now until hell freezes over. NO telescope yet invented
has THAT kind of magnification. Besides, Alpha Centuri is a star and
your friend couldn't get within miles of it without being vaporized.

3). Buildings A and B are adjacent buildings. The floors in Building
A are 12 feet apart, and it is 16 stories high. If Ronald
McDonald jumped out of the 20th story window of Building A, how
far would he fall before hitting the roof of Building B?

SOLUTION: Far enough. . .

4). The chance of rolling snake eyes is 1 in 36. If you roll snake
eyes eight times in a row with the same pair of dice, what is the
chance of rolling snake eyes on your ninth roll?

SOLUTION: Pretty Good! The dice are obviously rigged.

5). The human body holds nine quarts of blood. Suppose you were
alone in the desert and accidently cut a major artery. If you
bleed at one cup a minute, how long will it take you to bleed to
death?

SOLUTION: Apply a tourniquet and you won't!

6). You are reading a Dedaparmaxxaginos Productions file. Your brain
explodes.

SOLUTION: Continue reading Dedaparamaxxaginos Productions files. It's
obviously good for you.

CREDITS
-------

Dedaparamaxxaginos Productions (lack-of-good) Management Staff
--------------------------------------------------------------

Dedaparamaxx: Head writer, head dum kopf, head head.

Imaginos: Master of cows and demented thoughts.

Morgan Bluejeans: Cyberspace expert, maker of "big funnies."

Tempus Fugit: Latin scholar, possessor of "outrageous French
Accent."

Sometimes, but not all times, staff writers
-------------------------------------------

Jeff the Riffer: Evil! Evil! Evil!

Diskwiz: Cyberspace engineer, editor-in-sleep.


IF YOU'RE CRAZY ENOUGH TO WANT TO CONTACT US:
---------------------------------------------

Dedaparamaxxaginos Productions, LTD, INC, PhD, BS, FTD.
8009 SW 55th PL
Gainesville, FL 32608

No CODs please. We don't like getting fish in the mail. That is
a REAL address, and any correspondence sent there will be answered
according to our moods, but it WILL be answered. Letter bombs will be
returned to sender, unopened. Drugs, money, complements, and general
ramblings are accepted.

To receive a group photo of the Dedaparamaxxaginos Productions
staff, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope and a quarter wrapped
in duct tape to the above address.

Mail may also be sent to mongo@maple.circa.ufl.edu.
 
To the best of our knowledge, the text on this page may be freely reproduced and distributed.
If you have any questions about this, please check out our Copyright Policy.

 

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