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Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten \ Old Friend





Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten \ Old Friends

Written by David Minter.

Finished 10-30-94.

Based on the movies "Return of the Living Dead" @1984 by
Orion Pictures Corporation which is based on the movie
"Night of the Living Dead" @1968 by Image Ten Productions,
"Return of the Living Dead Part II" @1988 by Orion
Pictures Corporation, and "Return of the Living Dead III"
@1993 by Trimark Pictures, the concept of the Book and
Record Set @1984 by Buena Vista Records, and material from
the collected storylines of "Gremlins: Rewritten,"
"Critters: Rewritten," "Gremlins 2: Rewritten," "Night of
the Living Dead: Rewritten," "Bionic Commando: Rewritten,"
and "Star Wars: Rewritten" all written by David Minter
@1991, 1992, 1993, and 1994.


The place: what was once Kingston Falls, Ohio. The
date: March 15, 1976... THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD!
"They're calling this 'the night of the living dead!'" one
soldier joked with his partner out on patrol. A strike
force composed of soldiers from the National Guard and
police officers from nearby Hazzard County, Tennessee had
surrounded Kingston Falls. Equipped with flame throwers,
this rag tag army was systematically closing their circle
around the city, eliminating the zombies that had invaded
the town. Or at least, that was what their original
orders were.




This is the story of Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten
\ Old Friends. You can read along with me in your book.
You will know it is time to turn the page when you hear
the zombie shout, "BRAINS!" Let's begin... now! Remember
to turn the page every time you hear the sound. BRAINS!



He was wondering how he could joke at a time like
this! Reanimated corpses were wondering the streets of
his hometown. And, to top it all off, his orders had been
changed. He was first supposed to accompany his men on a








search and destroy mission with flame throwers. However,
the new orders soon came from on high: cease current
activity and wait for a special research project team to
arrive, after which he would receive new orders from the
Pentagon. The special forces unit arrived and divided up
the force into three man squads. Two men from each squad
were given a funny looking rifle and to the other was
given a large barrel. "THERE'S ONE!" BRAINS!

One soldier aimed the gun at the advancing dead
woman's stomach, intent at hitting its spleen, the only
vulnerable point on these creatures. The other soldier
manning the gun readied the hose and tank feeding the
weapon. After a few seconds, the gun beeped, and the
first soldier fired! The projectile flew straight and
true through the air and buried itself into the ghoul's
spleen. The creature flopped about for a few moments
before falling to the street, motionless. The soldier
that had fired pointed at the corpse and the third man ran
over to it, carrying his barrel in tow. He opened it
along its side and slid it around the creature. But
before he could close it, he got a close glimpse of the
horrible monster's decayed face, an image that haunts him
to this very day. General Montgomery Wilson turned over
once, violently, before throwing himself upright in bed,
screaming. He wiped the sweat from his brow and made a
mental note to schedule another appointment with the
base's doctor for his physical well being, psychiatrist
for his mental hygiene, chaplain for his spiritual health,
and cook because he still feeling a bit peckish. BRAINS!
( which was actually something on the base's menu, oddly
enough! )

Kate Peltzer turned the cassette over and over in her
hands. Her husband's last words to her were concealed in
this tape, trapped within the ferrous oxide coating.
Somehow, some way, sometime, she would HAVE to hear it.
She buzzed the intercom on her desk and asked Mrs. Wye to
call Dr. Wright up to her plush office, the one that had
once housed Chump Towers' less than brilliant corporate
head, Billy Peltzer. "You wanted to see me, ma'am?" "No,
I didn't. I wanted to see Wright!" "He's currently
trying to deactivate your father-in-law's current
invention." "What?!" "It's running rampant downstairs in
the basement! SURELY YOU DON'T US TO LET IT..." "Never
mind that now, Doctor! I'm sure he can work that one out!
However, I need to speak with one of you scientists, and
you'll do. Please take a seat." Dr. Cossack picked up
the chair and started to walk off with it. "YOU KNOW WHAT
I MEANT!" Dr. Cossack blushed. "I know. But, you've cut
our budget recently for R and D, and, well, to be
perfectly frank, we need chairs, damn it! Especially with








that... THING running rampant downstairs." "Never mind
that now. I'm about to provide all you eggheads down in
the basement with all the funding you'll need for...
this!" Kate waved the cassette in front of her face. Dr.
Cossack beamed at it. He could tell that it was some sort
of advanced technology, like nothing ever seen on Earth
before! He began to drool. He put the chair back down
and took a seat properly this time. "So, what can
Research and Development do for you, my dear?" BRAINS!

Today's therapy session had been very cleansing for
the good general. He strode confidently into the briefing
room and took his seat. Seeing that he couldn't
successfully waltz out with it, he didn't even try to
steal it. "Now that we're all here, we can begin," the
meeting's chairpersonbeingthing began. "With the recent
sufficient appropriations from the House, the new team of
systems programmers we were able to hire have completed
the operating system for our latest experimental
artificial soldier project. However, we've run into a
slight problem. The House Ways and Means Committee
believes this project can be more economically viable with
a new... more palatable direction." The chairman stood
and waved his arm towards a door. The door in question
opened and men in protective environment suits rolled a
series of drums into the room. General Wilson stared at
the barrels and froze in sheer terror! BRAINS!

"And that's the story," Kate finished abruptly
returning the story to Chump Towers. "So, you want us to
try and devise a way to read this cassette?" "Yes. I've
got to know what my husband was trying to tell me. I'VE
GOT TO!" Dr. Cossack decided to change the course of the
conversation before Kate went berserk and threw herself at
his throat. "Well, we'll try. However, I think it would
be best if I turned this over to Dr. Wright. He's more of
a mechanical expert than I am. He was the... OTHER main
force behind Project: Albatross. I'm a biological
scientist; my technical background comes almost entirely
from what I've gleaned from Dr. Wright... and my brief
association with that poor Dr. Wily. Makes me wonder why
I drooled over the cassette earlier in the story if that's
the case." "You drooled over this cassette? You sure it
wasn't... me?" Kate asked as she shook her jigglies for
Dr. Cossack to scrutinize with a microscope. Dr. Cossack
frowned. "With as little respect as I can muster, Mrs.
Peltzer, I find the cassette more interesting than your
secondary sex characteristics!" KATE WAS STUNNED! "GET
OUT OF MY OFFICE!" Dr. Cossack got up, and tried to take
the chair with him. "By the way," Kate piped up, dashing
Cossack's hopes of successfully getting away with the
theft. "I've heard that you are destroying all of Dr.








Wily's work: his papers, inventions, and such." Dr.
Cossack paused, and turned around. He did not like the
course this intercourse was now taking! BRIANS! I mean,
BRAINS!

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE CONTEMPLATING THIS!" General
Wilson had risen now. Completely out of turn, he was
arguing with the committee chairman. "The artificial
systems are at least stable! We can control those, shut
them down if necessary. But... THIS?! THIS IS MONSTROUS!
We were only able to contain them before because we knew
about it and took appropriate containment precautions!
Believe me, I know. I was there! You can't control them
with any effectiveness. THEY'RE MINDLESS! Driven on by
some form of bacteria! We can't-" "I tend to disagree,"
came a calm voice from the open door. A man stepped into
the room. "Greetings, gentlemen. I am Lieutenant Morgan.
I have been sent here to oversee the adjustments to
Project: Afterlife. Wilson, I'm afraid you may need some
time off to rest." "YOU CAN'T DO THIS! I'm a general and
you're just-" "I'm JUST authorized by the Pentagon to
take control of this operation." He handed the necessary
papers to the general. "Now, if you wish to continue
arguing with the President's orders..." Even SOME
military men know when it is best to put macho bravado
aside... unlike policemen. He knew it was best to stop so
that he could remain part of the project. Away from it,
he would have little chance of stopping it. General
Wilson took his seat. "Excellent. Your file states that
you've made some major strides in you psychiatric therapy.
I'm so glad to see some of those results displayed here."
The lieutenant grinned inside. He had his own hidden
agenda, his own reasons for being here... "Now, back to
the matter at hand: the appropriations report. Now that
we've effectively sacked the object programmers, what we
need now is a... biological scientist." BRAINS!

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE CONTEMPLATING THIS!" Dr.
Cossack burst at his boss after what she was, in fact,
contemplating. "Don't raise your voice at me. After all,
I sign your paycheck!" "That doesn't matter!" Dr. Cossack
waved his hand through the air for emphasis. "Wily was a
genius, true, but we was warped out of his mind! There is
an old saying that true evil never dies. It just goes and
finds a new host! We MUST destroy all of Dr. Wily's
work... his cruel legacy! We can't risk his hand
influencing others! Remember what Hitler did? It could
happen again! Dr. Wright thinks that with Wily dead, his
scientific achievements can just lie locked away from the
world. And others, like you seem to be, feel that we
should bastardize it for the sake of contemporary science!
We can't allow that! For the sake of all future men... IT








MUST BE DESTROYED! Had we done that in the first place,
you husband might still be-" "THAT WILL BE ENOUGH! I
don't care about anyone else. All I want to hear are my
husband's last words to me. In my opinion, they're...
important, not just for me, but for the future. Dr.
Wily's inventions, unlike my stepfather-in-law's like the
one currently ransacking the basement, are pretty
advanced. They can be of help in designing a method to
read the cassette. They must not be destroyed... not
until we've seen if we can incorporate it into some sort
of reading device. Now, you will do as I say, or..." Dr.
Cossack sighed. "I thought as much. There's no need to
order me around." Kate beamed. "Good. I'm glad we see
eye to eye. Now, you will-" "QUIT! I quit, Mrs.
Peltzer." Dr. Cossack stormed out of the office, stormed
back in, took the chair, and stormed back out. Kate
tapped her finger angrily against her desk for a moment.
"Mrs. Wye, post security guards at Dr. Wily's laboratory.
I'm afraid it's come time to find a suitable replacement
for Dr. Cossack!" Kate picked up the ledger from her desk
and looked at the applicants' resume. "Mrs. Wye, please
send in Professor Baxter Stockman." BRAINS!, of which
Kate has very little of and has demonstrated not just here
but many times before!

General Wilson picked up the ledger from his desk.
He had hoped that his little outburst before the committee
from a few days ago was forgotten by now as he looked over
the applicant's resume. They needed a biological
scientist, and many qualified persons from across the
nation applied. He was impressed with this application.
This man seemed the perfect choice for the job. A
physical doctorate in bacteriological sciences, minoring
in protozoa research, with a heavy background in physical
therapy and sciences, not mention a medical doctorate
degree! He was perfect... almost too perfect. He knew it
was an unfounded fear, but it almost seemed as if this man
had a hand in the creation of this project. He attributed
it to his recent psychological imbalances, and buzzed his
secretary before going out to fuck her and relief his
mental stress. "Send in Doctor Igottcha Cossack, please."
BRAINS!

The wide-eyed, and some might say pie-eyed, little
man approached the security guards at the door to the
laboratory. It was the first time he had been able to
visit his new office. This funny looking man with glasses
flashed his security identification badge to the guards
who then promptly left. The little man ran his hand
through his wet with sweat, brown-yellow hair and stepped
into the room. As per Kate's warning, he quickly locked
the door behind him. There was really no need to be wary,








since this timid little man would have done so anyway. He
liked to be alone, away from others so that he could go
about his work undaunted. Professor Baxter Stockman went
over and turned on the light. The place was a tad bit
musty. Dirt covered the smashed containment unit that Dr.
Wily had conducted his experiments on the Mogwai in. He
approached the barrel in the center of the room. It had
been used by Dr. Cossack to burn Wily's notes, but, upon
trying to re-enter the lab and finish the job, he found
out that Kate had placed guards at the door, barring him
from continuing his holy mission. Realizing that he had
been outmaneuvered, Dr. Cossack went off to search for his
next job, praying that the one to take his place would see
the horror in Dr. William Douglas Wily's work and finish
his job of destroying it. BRAINS!

Baxter stepped away from the drum, annoyed at the
strong carbon stench rising from the burnt papers lining
the bottom. He made his way over to the good doctor's
bookshelf. He thumbed through the binders of notes,
noting a few of Dr. Wily's theories that intrigued him.
But then, he came upon some notes about some strange
tablet, portending things about world destruction and
small, furry creatures. Seeing now that his predecessor
was indeed a quack, he decided to destroy the papers,
ridding HIS lab of such nonsensical garbage. He went over
to a desk, took a Bunsen burner, ignited it, and tossed it
into the drum. The glass broke, spreading the burning
alcohol along the bottom. He then proceeded to toss Dr.
Wily's papers into the flames. As he reached the final
set of notes, he noticed a book that had been hidden
behind some other notebooks on the shelf. This book was
the only tome on the shelf that had been labeled in any
sort of way: "Our Sexuality... And What We Can Do To Put A
Stop To It! By: Dr. William Douglas Wily." BRAINS!

Little more than an hour later, Baxter closed the
book shut. He had become so engrossed in Dr. Wily's
philosophies and theories that he wouldn't... COULDN'T
stop until he had finished the entire work. He was now
ashamed that he had destroyed the papers of such a
brilliant man. He had only read that one flawed work of
the man. After all, every man is entitled to at least one
bout of insanity in his life. Otherwise, life would be SO
dull. At least, he had this one work, this one final plan
for mankind, one that could work... MUST WORK! He had
seen the way. Humanity must be purged of its one
weakness! And it was down to Professor Baxter Stockman to
implement that plan... true evil never dies; it just looks
for a new host to inhabit. BRAINS!









General Wilson led Dr. Cossack down a maze of
hallways. "As you know, the United States Army is
constantly looking for a way to create superior weaponry,
and eventually the ultimate equalizer." Dr. Cossack
frowned. The idea that his work may be used to kill
people disgusted him somewhat. After all, during Project:
Albatross, he had worked to save life... ALL OF IT from
Dr. Wily. Yet, taken in perspective, he had already
inadvertently caused the death of thousands in Kingston
Falls during the night of the living dead, and was paid
for it! So, why not at least KNOW you're killing people
and STILL be paid for it. "However, we are also looking
for a way to lessen the possible loss of life as much as
we can. After all, what good is it to win a war with
everyone dead? No one wins a war that way." While he
hated such convoluted and greedy logic, Dr. Cossack
couldn't disagree. "So, the Pentagon came up with the
idea of using inanimate weapons." Dr. Cossack DEFINITELY
did not like the course that THIS intercourse was taking!
BRAINS!

"Who said that?" "Said what, Doctor?" "I thought I
heard a gruesome voice shouting, 'BRAINS!' Oh, well. I
guess it's just... certain misgivings I have about this
project." General Wilson thought carefully before
continuing. "I don't mind admitting I feel the same way.
I had the uneasy feeling that you were somewhat involved
with this project." Dr. Cossack was becoming annoyed at
the coy attitude of the general. "Well, I don't know
about that. I don't even know what it is yet!" "Yes, of
course, Doctor. Don't worry. We're almost there."
Almost as a ominous portent, a door loomed down the
hallway ahead of them. "Congress had at first approved
the development of an independent fighting system." "A
robot?" "Sort of. More like the endoskeletons seen in
the Terminator movies." "Robots." "Yes." The general
held his head down in shame. "However, that proved to be
too expensive, even though we were all but through with
it, the House dropped our project in favor of a new one
developed by Lieutenant Morgan, even though that would end
up costing more than if we completed our own. Oh, well.
Congress is just one letter away from Congrass! Ah, here
we are." BRAINS!

"That's odd, Doctor," the general commented
quizzically. "I thought I heard it too! I guess I need
to schedule more therapy sessions." The general fished
his identification card from his pocket and ran it through
the lock system beside the door. A panel opened up on the
other side of the door, revealing a place for a palm print
scan. This didn't seem too out of place to Dr. Cossack.
What followed, however, did. After the general's hand








print went through okay, another panel opened up directly
in the door revealing a mold for the general to place his
face in, which he promptly did. DR. COSSACK WAS STUNNED!
"WOW! A face plate identification scan! Pretty nifty."
The computerized voice of Majel Barret filled the hall.
"Palm print and face identification scan completed.
General Montgomery Wilson, voice verification requested,
please." Wilson said into the thin air, "I am Henry VIII,
I am. Second verse, same as the first!" "Voice print
match. Please enter." The general once again spoke.
"Visitor data entry mode." "Mode ready." "Run your card
through the lock system and then place your right palm on
the scanner, please, Doctor." Dr. Cossack did as he was
told. "Dr. Igottcha Cossack data entered. Have a nice
day, or at least a non-rotten one!" BRAINS!

"'Brains!' does not compute." THE GENERAL AND DR.
COSSACK, ALONG WITH THE COMPUTER, WERE ALL STUNNED! "Even
the computer heard it! A bad omen!" General Wilson lead
the stunned doctor into the room. Dr. Cossack was
( still ) stunned to see stacks upon stacks of barrels in
the room. He also noticed the almost cowering look of
terror the drums instilled in the general. "Something
wrong, general." "You'll see." One of those
environmental suit clad soldiers brought one of the drums
before him. "Look into the glass plate set into the top
of the drum." Cautiously, Dr. Cossack approached the drum
and peered into the top. DR. COSSACK WAS STUNNED! "The
Congress's idea is that the best way to win is to reduce
loss of life by eliminating the loss of life on OUR side
and not theirs. As such, they came up with the idea of
using reanimated corpses, corpses capable of assimilating
their victims to our side: 'the best way to win is to
reduce loss of life by eliminating the loss of life on OUR
side and not theirs.' Dead soldiers can't create losses
of out troops, and we reduce the size of our enemies
forces by converting them into soldiers for us!" Dr.
Cossack shuddered as the horribly disfigured visage of one
of the zombies that roamed Kingston Falls during the night
of the living dead, the one that haunted General Wilson's
dreams, the one that he had helped capture, one of the
zombies that Dr. Cossack was responsible for creating,
starred back up at him. The shock of death was frozen on
its face as the soulless eyes seemed to stare right
through Dr. Cossack!

















This is the end of Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten \
Old Friends. So, our old, both figuratively, literally,
and chronologically, friends, the zombies, are back, along
with our good, but not that old, friend, Dr. Igottcha
Cossack. And, these good friends, almost like father and
offspring, have met once again, much to the latter's
detriment. After all, he's responsible for their second
chance at life, one they squander by only searching for
human flesh to devour. That guilt and the souls of all
the ones who die at their hands hangs over his head like a
curse. But, maybe now, Dr. Cossack can correct that
mistake by preventing it from happening again, as it
seems so sure to... or even ending it once and for all!
And, the good general seems willing to help. In fact, it
will be General Wilson who Dr. Cossack will seek help from
next time in Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten II \ A
United Front.



Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten \ Old Friends @1994
by David Minter. Based on the movies "Return of the
Living Dead" @1984 by Orion Pictures Corporation which is
based on the movie "Night of the Living Dead" @1968 by
Image Ten Productions, "Return of the Living Dead Part II"
@1988 Orion Pictures Corporation, and "Return of the
Living Dead III" @1993 by Trimark Pictures, the concept of
the Book and Record Set @1984 by Buena Vista Records, and
material from the collected storylines of "Gremlins:
Rewritten," "Critters: Rewritten," "Gremlins 2:
Rewritten," "Night of the Living Dead: Rewritten," "Bionic
Commando: Rewritten," and "Star Wars: Rewritten" all
written by David Minter @1991, 1992, 1993, and 1994.

"Night of the Living Dead" @1968, 1984, 1988, 1989, 1990,
1993, and 1994 by Image Ten Productions and George Romero,
John Russo, and Russ Streiner.

Buena Vista Records is a subsidiary of Walt Disney.








 
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