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Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten II \ A Unite
"Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten II \ A United Front"
Written by David Minter.
Finished 1-13-95, appropriately enough.
Based on the movies "Return of the Living Dead" @1984 by
Orion Pictures Corporation which is based on "Night of the
Living Dead" @1968 by Image Ten Productions, "Return of
the Living Dead Part II" @1988 by Orion Pictures
Corporation, and "Return of the Living Dead III" @1993 by
Trimark Pictures, the concept of the Book and Record Set
@1984 by Buena Vista Records, material from the stories
"Gremlins: Rewritten," "Critters: Rewritten," "Gremlins
II: Rewritten," "Night of the Living Dead: Rewritten,"
"Bionic Commando: Rewritten," and "Star Wars: Rewritten"
by David Minter @1991, 1992, 1993, and 1994, and "Return
of the Living Dead: Rewritten \ Old Friends" @1994 by
David Minter.
This is the story of "Return of the Living Dead:
Rewritten II \ A United Front." You can read along with
me in your book. You will know it is time to turn the
page when you hear the zombie shout, "BRAINS!" Let's
begin... now! Remember to turn the page every time you
hear the sound. BRAINS!
In her most too eager desire to hear her husband's
last words to her, Kate Peltzer, head of Chump Towers,
ordered the research and development divisions into
overtime to devise a means of reading the audio cassette
that Billy had made for her in an alternate Earth future.
To that end, she authorized them to use every method at
their disposal, including the remnants of experiments
conducted by the insane genius Dr. William Douglas Wily.
Dr. Igottcha Cossack, one of the scientists principle to
Dr. Wily's defeat, felt that those remnants should be
destroyed, effectively destroying Wily's legacy of evil.
In their debate, Kate fired Dr. Cossack, who went into the
military field for his bread and butter, and was replaced
by one Mister Professor Baxter Stockman. Stockman seems
to have his own ideas for the fruits of Dr. Wily's healthy
imagination. Meanwhile, Dr. Cossack joined up with
General Montgomery Wilson at a militray installation in
Louisville, Kentucky which was working on a special
project based on one of Dr. Cossack's mistaken experiments
for the betterment of mankind. The results of these
experiments were going to be used to make his bosses rich,
but instead they produced... THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD!
BRAINS!
Dr. Cossack jumped back from the horribly disfigured
face that stared back at him. "NO! I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE CONTEMPLATING THIS! I've had my fill already! I
will not be responsible for such things again! I
absolutely refuse to work on such evil!" "Calm down,
Doctor," the general softly pleaded. "NO! I will not! I
would rather starve first from lack of a job than to-"
The general raced up to the doctor and took hold of him by
his lab smock lapels. "I THINK IT WOULD BE IN YOUR BEST
INTERESTS TO SHUT UP AND LET ME EXPLAIN!" When he had
seen the scientist calm down, he let go and continued.
"Believe me, I know how you feel. When the living dead
broke out in Ohio, the army took notice. Under the direct
orders of the Senate Subcommittee, the army was sent down
into Kingston Falls to capture the zombies. However, we
discovered that its national guard forces had begun
routing the dead. We intercepted their officers and
placed them under direct deputization of the federal
defense. We dissected some dead... well, dead and
developed a way to capture them intact with a special gun
we developd on the spot. We then placed them into the
hermetically sealed drums you see before you. Believe me,
I know the evil these things commit; I was a part of the
Kingston Falls civil defense... and I saw my wife torn to
pieces by those bastards!" BRAINS!
"I'm sorry," Dr. Cossack was truly touched. He was
standing directly in from of one who had suffered from the
indirect results of his blunders, and he was truly
ashamed. "Yeah, well, that apologies won't bring her
back. All we can do now is stop this!" he pointed towards
the drums for effect. "What does the United States army
want with these corpses?" "Lieutenant Morgan of the House
Ways and Means Committee has been sent here to oversee
this project, code named Afterlife for appropriate
reasons. He's here to make this project fit within the
House's budget, which my original plan seems destined to
fail." "YOUR plan?" "Yes. I joined the army proper to
try and console the loss of my wife. We were going to
have a child, you know. AND ALL THOSE STINKING ZOMBIES
DID WAS CONSIDER OUR CHILD A SIDE DISH!" The general
fought back a whimper and continued. "I hoped to bury my
sorrow and become lost in my work. Unfortunately, they
shipped me onto this hellish assignment! They wanted a
means to chemically control the zombies. We send them in
behind enemy lines and they take care of the troops,
turning them into unwilling volunteers. So what if
innocent civilians were eaten too... acceptable losses
they called it!" BRAINS!
( I keep wanting to type it BRIANS! )
"After a conflagration, we could then mothball the
zombies back into these tanks until we needed them again!
It's a monstrous proposition as you can see. Eating the
enemy is cruel and unusual punishment... INHUMAN! So, I
began developing a way to turn them into 'controllable'
super soldiers. Instead of eating machines, I decided to
incorporate them into machines!" DR. COSSACK WAS STUNNED!
"You mean, cyborgs?" "Sort of. We encase the dead body
in a sort of mechanical endoskeleton. Linked with the
system via a prosthetic device inserted into the spleen
and in effect the bacterial brain, we can then control the
zombie through a computer operating system that I had
software teams working on. My plan was then to arm the
endoskeletal unit with stun weapons, eliminating the need
for lost life on EITHER side! However, as usual, the
assholes up at the Pentagon refused this and ordered that
they be armed with deadly offensive capabilities. As is
the function of a democratic society, the United States is
out to prove its superiority to the rest of the world by
eliminating as many others as possbile to become superior
through being the most densely populated. At least it was
a better alternative than breeding eating machines again!"
BRAINS!
Dr. Cossack knew what was coming next. "But?" "But,
we were going over budget, and that's why they sent
Morgan. It seems humane methods cost too much, so he's
here to see that I obey and create his new zombie army."
"I see." Dr. Cossack contemplated the situation for a
moment. "I think I can help, but first, I must ask for
your forgiveness. You see, through the merciless, rending
hand of American capitalism," Dr. Cossack's inate Russian
upbringing was bursting to the surface. "I accidentally
created the zombie bacteria." "WHAT?!" "I, like you, was
only working with the greedy to try and help the world.
They wanted me to develop a new strain of yeast for baking
enough bread to push all other bakery competitors off the
face of the Earth. I was deceived by them. One of my
throw away experiments then mutated into the strain that
brought the dead back to life. Ever since then, I've been
trying to atone for my sins with my science. I've gone so
far as to help stop, once and for all, the evil of Dr.
William Douglas Wily." "DR. WILY!" GENERAL WILSON WAS
STUNNED! "There's a name I haven't heard for a while.
Been about nine year now..." "Recently, he tried one
final masterplan to wrest control of the world. I helped
the effort that finally put him down with a new suit of
battle armor that turned Billy Peltzer into the 'Bionic
Commano.'" "Billy Peltzer?" Wilson butted in. "Of the
Chump Towers? The guy who made 'Sci-Fi High' so great? I
LOVE THAT SHOW!" BRAINS!
"Despite that, can you find it in your heart to
forgive me, general?" "Well, I was going to sock you and
then take you out to be executed with a 21 gun salute, but
seeing as how you're the guy most familiar with the
make-up of these creatures, you're the one who can help me
the most." The general put a hand on Dr. Cossack's
shoulder. The good doctor at first recoiled fearing that
Wilson had changed his mind, but loosened up when he
didn't see 21 guns anywhere. "Come on, doctor. Follow
me. I want you to meet the software team that I've
compiled for this project." As the general led Dr.
Cossack into another part of the military complex, a
mysterious figure hidden in the shadows of the drums
stepped out. He waited until the light footfalls of their
steps upon the linoleum were drowned out by the distance
they had travelled. ( Huh? ) After he was sure that they
were far out of earshot, he stepped into the comforting
phosphoresent light. EVIL SOLILOQUY TIME! "So, Wilson
now seeks the source of the zombies themselves to try and
keep me from the prize that I so richly deserve. He's
lost his wife, and now, in retaliation, tries to keep me
from mine! Well, he won't get away with it. HE WON'T!
I'll him! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL FOR ACTIVELY SEEKING TO DENY
ME!" It was speech that would have made the writer proud
to utter. BRAINS!
AND, NO, IT WASN'T ME. Well spoken, Dave! Give 'em
Hell! YOU JUST GIVE THEM THE SCRIPT! Oh, yeah! Right.
DAY 1:
"When I accidentally created this strain of
mutant yeast, not even I could have realized the benefits
it would bring 18 years later. Nor today, facing the task
of creating a potentially deadly reverberation, I couldn't
believe how easy it could be! All the time that the
corpse specimens have been kept locked away in stasis has
made the Cossackus Risae within their spleens complacent,
but completely intact. Under carefully controlled
conditions, I think I can rework my accidental evil!
Maybe I can finally put said evil behind me, buried under
the potential good of this experiment. Either way, it has
proven a relieving catharsis for my soul. If my work
progresses as it has done so today, I can begin creating
complacent corpses, and get them ready for the operations
reasearch team. Dear God, please help me to purge the
stain that I have inadvertantly left upon morality, and
have mercy on my soul."
Scientific Journal
Entry 11323
October 25, 1994
Igottcha Cossack
DAY 2:
"It's truly a miracle! God must have granted ny
prayers! Only the divine could have guided my research as
quickly as it has gone. Within hours of having finished
penning my last entry, I finished developing the second
generation of my yeast. It has the same amazing property
that it did before: it can reanimate the dead. However,
it isn't infectious! Travelling piggy-back within a
strain of common yeast, much like a Trojan horse, it can't
infect the host yeast, so it can't infect any bitten
victims... IF THERE WERE ANY! As surprising as it is,
they have no craving for human flesh. They don't even
need to eat! I seem to have developed this yeast into an
autotrophic life form. It feeds itself! However, with
all these pluses, there is one minus. They're alive, but
almost completely immobile. Even though they can move,
they move very little. Even when offered an easy lunch.
I've already sent several reactivated specimens off to be
outfitted with the bio-skeletons. Hopefully within a few
days, the military programmers cna have their operating
systems on-line. But that is for the future to decide.
Right now, I've got a hankering for some pork products!"
Scientific Journal
Entry 11324
October 26, 1994
Igottcha Cossack
DAY 3:
"Well, this is it! All is in readiness. The
new strains of yeast, which I have named Phoenix
Cossackus, Phoenix for the firey bird reborn from the
ashes of the old, and Cossackus after myself, are
receptive to the prosthetic implants into their spleens.
The endo-mechanical mechanisms are functioning optimally,
and the operating systems themselves have amazingly few
bugs in them. So few problems have we encountered on this
project, Afterlife, that we're pushing ahead the due date
to the day after tomorrow so that we can demonstrate the
new battle units as soon as possible. Let's hope it's
enough to sway the Congressional delegation that we've
invited to try and convince them to continue funding
General Wilson's original project... and lift a terrible
load from my heart. Good luck to all invloved. Let God
speed and bless us."
Scientific Journal
Entry 11325
October 27, 1994
Igottcha Cossack
DAY 4:
Back at Chump Towers, Professor Baxter
Stockman gathered up all his belongings together again.
He had only been an employee there for a few days, but he
had seen all that was necessary. He had all the
information he needed to succeed in his predecessor's
stay. He had learned all... "I believe that's everything
I'll need. Except-" He carefully handled the book, the
most precious item of his repertoire. As he prepared to
pack it away, something fell from between the pages and
onto the linoleum floor with a rattle. Stockman stopped
as he took notice of the item. He bent down to the floor
( He didn't have that far to reach. ) and picked the
discarded thing up. "Hmmm. I must have missed it before
in my haste to finish thumbing through his notes." He
stared at the blue 3.5 inch disk inbetween his fingers,
almost as if he was staring through it and at the space
beneath it. And, to an extent, he was. The lens of his
spectacles were a design of his own... design to do just
that. He tumbled the disk around in his fingers a few
times, and grinned a devious, toothy smile as he took
stock of the hand written letters upon the disk's label.
"There IS one other thing I must do first..." BRAINS!
DAY 5:
Doctor Cossack adjusted his tie. He was
nervous, and who wouldn't be? After all, trying to keep
his hopes of cleansing himself from his sin was bad
enough, but doing so before a gathering of the nation's
top defense personnel and preparing to reanimate a dead
man who was a dead man reanimated from the dead ( ? ) only
made it worse. They were all there: General Colin Powell,
General Stormin' Norman Schwartzkopf, General Stormin'
Norman Rolfingsmeier, and even the senators and governors
whom Yogi Bear saved in his Peter Pan Book and Record Set
were there, oddly enough! And, the fact that his specimen
chosen for the test hadn't arrived yet didn't help at all!
BRAINS!
What had happened to it? Where was it? Or, to his
horror, where had it gone? Had it gone rogue? Was it
another one of "them" now? Was the whole horrible process
that began in Kingston Falls repeating itself again? Dr.
Cossack side-stepped his way over to General Wilson.
"Montgomery, where the hell is that specimen I prepped?!"
The general thought for a moment. "It should have been
here by now. I ordered two lower officers sent off to
fetch it about fifteen minutes ago." "Well, it's not here
now." "I gathered that! I think we'd better go check on
it... just in case it's-" Neither the general nor the
doctor wanted to ponder that! BRIAN HOLT! I MEAN,
BRAINS!
Well, she wanted to see it, and now she got her wish!
There it was for her perusal: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Yep!
All there! Finally! On her knees, she was about to reach
for the brass ring to fondle in her hands when... "AHEM!"
She spun around to face the leering, stern look on General
Wilson's countenance. She immediately rose to her feet
and saluted. "Who are you?!" the general commanded,
demanding an answer. "Lieutenant Hanna Barbera, Sir!" she
immediately barked. "Lieutenant! Get your hands of that
private's privates and get over to your station! We've
got work to do; his testes- the TESTS are about to BEGIN!"
"YES SIR!" she screeched in sheer terror as she hurredily
saluted once more before returning to her proper place.
The general then turned his glowering attention towards
the meer soldier. "As for YOU..." "ALREADY ON IT, SIR!"
he shouted as pulled them back on. Wilson got right up
into his face. He was so close that he could actually
count the number of guanine subtrates in the private's DNA
structure. "You know, I could easily have both you and
her court-martialed, Private-" He stopped to look at the
soldier's ID badge. "Jamskely! Now, RETURN TO YOUR
POST!" "YES SIR!" Faster than the speed of light, the
now exposed ( for his lecherous undertaking while on duty
and not physically ) private went back to the perimeter.
"Sorry, Doctor," the general said as he returned to the
room set aside for the demonstration. "We really have to
keep these new buck privates, especially the ones that
lie, in line sometimes." BRAINS!
To avoid a repeat performance of the above situation,
Dr. Cossack and General Wilson took the job in hand
themselves. They loaded the correctly numbered drum onto
the gurney, and rolled it off to prepare the occupant
inside. The gathered Congressmen were beginning to get
impatient with all the waiting. Finally, Powell stood and
said, "When is this damn thing going to get started?!"
"Right now!" was General Wilson's answer as he helped Dr.
Cossack wheel the gurney into the debriefing room. Even
the gathered government officials were distracted by the
massive figure covered with a cloth on the gurney, and all
they were interested in was money and success. The
general uncoiled several lengths of cords from beneath the
cloth. He handed them to Dr. Cossack who connected them
up to the proper intakes. "So sorry you had wait,
gentlemen. But, due to the inevitable delays associated
with human work and the flawed humans behind said work, we
were unavoidably detained. Hopefully though, this little
experiment will prove that the work we've been doing here
for the past few years can change all that, and that you
will still continue to provide funds for... Project:
Afterlife!" With that, General Wilson waved a hand over
the hidden figure on the portable operating table, giving
Dr. Cossack the sign he needed to activate the exoskeletal
system ensconcing the subject corpse. Dr. Cossack's
finger hovered nervously over the <ENTER> key. He knew
one of two thing would happen: 1.) the robotic systems
would perform as normal and carry out their programming or
2.) the yeast bacteria within the corpse's spleen would
become dominant and reject the new operating system,
sending it on another flesh eating mission! He said a
prayer that what he hoped would happen would and pressed
home the return button.
This is the end of "Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten
II \ A United Front." Dr. Cossack and General Wilson seem
well on the track to correcting the errors of their
respective pasts. Hopefully, they'll be able to convice
the visiting government officials to help them continue
their efforts. Otherwise, countless innocent lives, and
possibly the entire world, will be doomed! Will they get
the help they so desperately need? Will the subject
zombie react according to programming, or will it revert
back to its original frame of reference and attack them
all, setting the whole terrible chain of events into
motion all over again, and maybe this time for good?!
And, who is the mysterious stranger deliberately out to
stop General Wilson and Dr. Cossack, both of whom only
want to better their souls and the world's? Find out next
time in "Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten III \
THEY'RE BAAAAAACK!"
"Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten II \ A United Front"
@1994 by David Minter. Based on the movies "Return of the
Living Dead" @1984 by Orion Pictures Corporation which is
based on the movie "Night of the Living Dead" @1968 by
Image Ten Productions, "Return of the Living Dead Part II"
@1988 Orion Pictures Corporation, and "Return of the
Living Dead III" @1993 by Trimark Pictures, the concept of
the Book and Record Set @1984 by Buena Vista Records, and
material from "Gremlins: Rewritten," "Critters:
Rewritten," "Gremlins 2: Rewritten," "Night of the Living
Dead: Rewritten," "Bionic Commando: Rewritten," and "Star
Wars: Rewritten," all written by David Minter @1991, 1992,
1993, and 1994, and "Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten
\ Old Friends" @1994 by David Minter.
Night of the Living Dead @1968, 1984, 1988, 1989, 1990,
1993, and 1994 by Image Ten Productions and George Romero,
John Russo, and Russ Streiner.
Buena Vista Records is a subsidiary of Walt Disney.
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