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Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten V \ A Farewe
"Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten V \ A Farewell to
Arms!"
Written by David Minter.
Finished 4-18-95.
Based on the movies "Return of the Living Dead" @1984 by
Orion Pictures Corporation which is based on "Night of the
Living Dead" @1968 by Image Ten Productions, "Return of
the Living Dead Part II" @1988 by Orion Pictures
Corporation, and "Return of the Living Dead III" @1993 by
Trimark Pictures, the concept of the Book and Record Set
@1984 by Buena Vista Records, material from the collected
works of "Gremlins: Rewritten," "Critters: Rewritten,"
"Gremlins II: Rewritten," "Night of the Living Dead:
Rewritten," "Bionic Commando: Rewritten," and "Star Wars:
Rewritten" all written by David Minter @1991, 1992, 1993,
1994. "Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten \ Old
Friends," @1994 by David Minter, "Return of the Living
Dead: Rewritten II \ A United Front" @1994 by David
Minter, "Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten III \
THEY'RE BAAAAAACK!" @1995 by David Minter, and "Return of
the Living Dead: Rewritten IV \ Invasion!" @1995 by David
Minter.
This is the story of "Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten
V \ A Farewell to Arms!" You can read along with me in
your book. You will know it is time to turn the page when
you hear the zombie shout, "BRAINS!" Let's begin... now!
Remember to turn the page every time you hear the sound.
BRAINS!
Seven minuted had passed since the zombies had
started to try and beat their way into the laboratory.
Already the door was starting to buckle away. Dr. Cossack
and General Wilson stood there, staring at their
roboticized zombie, trying to will it to work. Cossack
entered the command string into his laptop again, but that
didn't work. Cossack turned his attention to the
mechanisms surrounding the body. That's when he noticed
it. "Oh! Silly me! I forgot to plug it in!" BRAINS!
Cossack reached down, picked up the dangling Laplink
( Registered trademark ) cable, and connected it to the
exoskeleton. Cossack entered the command once more and
the creature obstinately refused to move. By now, one of
the zombies had managed to work his forearm between the
door and the wall! Wilson stared at the inanimate ghoul.
"Is it supposed to that?" "OF COURSE NOT! I can't
understand why- OH! Even sillier me! I forgot to put a
quarter in the slot!" Cossack fished into the pockets of
his lab coat, shirt, and slacks but failed to produce the
coinage in question. He turned to Wilson and held out his
palm. "Got a quarter?" Wilson mindlessly stared at
Cossack's hand. "C'mon! C'mon!" Cossack had started to
snap his fingers. "This quarter means our lives!" Still
blankly staring ahead, Wilson fished out twenty-five cents
and put it in the doctor's hand. Cossack quickly rushed
over to the slot and plopped the coin in. BRAINS!
The creature sputtered momentarily as some slight
smoke filled the room. Slowly, it stood and went into a
bad Al Jolson routine. "MAMMY! How I love ya', how I
love ya', how I love ya', mammy!" Cossack put a hand to
his temple in frustration, went over to the obviously
malfunctioning machine, and kicked it firmly. The now
enraged cyborg zombie tossed the doctor aside, dashed on
by him, and snatched up its piece of ordinance. It burst
through the door of the lab that the zombies outside were
trying to burst their way into. The startled dead were
torn to pieces by the robot Rambo zombie! BRAINS!
It was now a pure killing machine. Killing the dead,
that's new! Having been programmed with files ranging
from ancient Oriental fighting techniques, taught by old,
Chinese men with funny heads, to the latest in military
hardware, the robot went berserk tearing through the sea
of living dead that had gathered in the hall. While one
hand was karate chopping through heads and spleens and all
other body parts, the other gripped its MPK-5 auto pistol
and tore through zombie torsos. Mechanically enhanced
feet "kung fu"-ed down the hall. Yes, with spin kicks to
boot! Cossack approached one of the zombies. "I'd bet
you'd like to take a hunk out of me, wouldn't you?" He
waved his arm in front of the greedy ghoul. It eyed the
flesh, hungrily. As it opened its cracked mouth wide to
take in the meal, the crazed robot hurled its fist into
the creature's open maw! It reached up through the roof
of its mouth and took a throttle hold around its brain.
Yanking it out, it unloaded a clip into the oozing gray
matter and then took out the spleen. "I knew it'd do
that!" General Wilson stared at the somewhat round about
way of eliminating the creature. "Pomposity," Cossack
simply replied. "One of the special features we added to
the software. Makes it more like an army soldier."
Wilson took offense to that remark. BARINS, A LITTLE
WELSH TOWN!
After coming out of the stupor of hearing the name of
his Welsh home town being shouted out of thin air for no
apparent reason, Wilson saw the laptop PC being dragged
behind the robot zombie. "Um, Doctor," he began, pointing
at the laptop. "Shouldn't you be worried about
controlling that thing?!" Dr. Cossack waved Wilson aside.
"Nonsense! All that was needed for was to activate the
system. It's running on automatic now. Thankfully it
attacked them instead of us. We don't need the controls
anymore! Just lead the way to the ammo dump. We have
nothing to fear with our robot friend at the lead!" For
no reason at all, the robot system simply froze on the
spot! BRAINS!
It just stood motionless, its MPK-5 clutched tightly
in its hand, hanging limply at its side. Cossack rushed
with concern to the system. It quickly looked over the
outer endoskeletal structure. Wilson looked at him for an
answer. "Th- there doesn't appear to be any structural
damage. I can't understand why it won't move." "I'm
protesting," the robot answered. DR. COSSACK WAS STUNNED!
"Protesting? Protesting what?" "Humanity's treatment of
its dead. You kill your own, forget them, resuscitate
them, and convert one to start the whole process all over
again. So I simply refuse to go on. And you always
satisfy yourself first in our relationship!" Cossack
blushed and turned away from Wilson's gaze. "I've always
hated you for that!" The robot remained silent for the
rest of the story. Wilson slowly approached Cossack.
"What the hell have you been doing with United States
Government property, Cossack?!" But there was no time to
answer that! The advancing wave of zombies that had been
momentarily swayed by the robot attacker were moving
forward again, and Dr. Cossack and General Wilson were
easy targets out in the hall! BRAINS!
"Quick!" Wilson shouted, drawing Cossack's gaze to
the doorway that he was gesturing towards. "In there!"
They ran into the large room and shut the door. Cossack
looked around and saw basketballs, nets, baseballs, bats,
ping pong tables, and the like. "Where are we?" Wilson
smirked. "Hmmm," he hmmmed. "Must be the rec hall's
storeroom. No wonder there we so many zombies out there!"
"Who cares about that?" Cossack questioned. "What is of
more pressing concern to us now is what are we going to do
now that we're trapped in this room? How are we going to
get to the ammo dump now?" As Wilson pondered the
question, his gaze fell on a communication console in the
room, which one must admit is a rather odd thing to have
in a storage room, but it was there nonetheless. "We may
not need to!" he beamed, pointing at the console.
"Remember, a contingent of my crack soldiers are at the
gates. They can handle anything hurled at them. I'm sure
by now they have secured the exit." He pressed buttons on
the console. "I'll just call them up and have some troops
sent to extricate-" The general went silent as the image
of horror leapt up onto the screen. BRAINS!
The soldiers had tried; they had really tried. They
put up a valiant effort compared to most other military
personnel. But, there were simply too many zombies and
too few of them. As quickly as they were taking out
advancing ghouls, they were replaced by their fallen
comrades. Eventually, the last of the soldiers guarding
the gate controls were swallowed, screaming, into a wave
of groping hands, hands which pulled back with large
bloody chunks in their fingers. The gates of hell were
opened and the zombies slowly made their way towards the
lights of the city of Louisville cutting away the dark
October morning. Oh, this is getting good! BRAINS!
"Oh, God..." Wilson trailed off as he leaned forward
onto the control console in despair. "That's it!" Cossack
hopelessly breathed. "It's over. No longer contained
here within the compound, they'd be too far spread out to
use our gas against." Wilson looked up at him, with
tension in his eyes. "No. Not yet. We still have one
more trump card to play, but it involves us making the
ultimate sacrifice." Cossack was really worried now.
"Wh- what do you mean?" "Well, we can't allow the zombies
to pour out into the populace. Otherwise, we'd truly have
Hell on Earth. So, there's only one option left to us
now: before they get any further out... destroy the base!"
BRAINS!
"But that means-" "Yes. As I said, 'the ultimate
sacrifice': our lives!" It didn't take much contemplation
on Cossack's part. "You're right. There's no choice. We
must protect the innocent lives that would be endangered
by my mistakes." He always knew that it could come down
to this. His life in exchange for possibly billions of
others. It was partly his fault, and if it took the
spilling of his blood to wash away the blood of the
faultless from his soul... "Okay. LET'S DO IT!" BRAINS!
"Right. This base is powered by a nuclear reactor.
From this communication console, we can instruct the
central network computer, assuming it's still functioning
to throw the reactor into a meltdown sequence." "Yes,
that should do it. According to a story that my former
former boss had told about his life, pan dimensional
scientists had conducted experiments with him and
discovered that radiation destroys Cossackus Rissae
tissue." "And Gremlins as well," Wilson added. "BUT IS
COMPLETELY HARMLESS TO HUMANS!" they shouted in unison.
"Do you really believe that bunk, about the pan
dimensional scientists, I mean?" Wilson questioned after
the generally good feelings that had permeated the room
had fallen like dew. "Whatever the truth may be behind
Billy Peltzer's alter dimension adventures, what he said
about radioactivity was right. So, let's get to work."
Dr. Cossack's fingers went to walking. "Good. The hub is
still up. Token ring is intact. Shouldn't take more than
a few minutes or so to-" The relative quiet of the room
was broken by a loud bang at the door as the metal began
to buckle. "Now, if only those few minutes are enough to
accomplish our task... THEY MUST! We can't fail, not at
this critical juncture, not now when we're so needed- when
the WORLD needs us now..." "Don't worry," Wilson
comforted him as he started gathering up items from about
the room. "Now it's my turn to do it!" BRAINS!
Lieutenant Morgan was eying the body of his wife in
the apparatus that he had set up around her. It had
seemed like an eternity since the gases inside had
subsided. And still, she just lay there. Despite the
inhuman cries from the zombies outside of his room and the
owners of those cries trying to tear down said door, the
only thing that mattered was Mildred. All she was doing
was lying there. Why hadn't she awakened yet? The
treatment was supposed to revive her. After all, death is
nothing but a lengthened slumber. Then, her hand began to
shake. Her arm moved. She groggily groaned back to life!
He did it! "I've done it! SHE'S MINE AGAIN!" BRAINS!
Tossing all thoughts of zombie invasions aside,
Morgan rose and dashed over to the equipment, knocking it
over in the process. The recently resuscitated nude body
of his wife spilled out onto the cold linoleum. With a
look of ultimate concern on his face, Morgan rushed over
to her, cradled her in his arms, and pressed his naked
wife to his body, feeling her for the first time in way
too many years. She was so warm; death tends to make a
person rather cold. Rising to his feet, he lifted his
wife to hers as well. "Oh, darling!" he sobbed into his
betrothed's ample tits. "It's been so long- TOO LONG!"
His tears poured copiously down her cleavage. Then, for
the first time in such a while, he felt her lovingly warm
breath against his ear, one which paid no attention to the
zombies outside rapidly working their way into the room.
Morgan, tears coating his face looked up to kiss his wife
for the first time since... and for the first time since
she was revived, Mildred had her teeth to bear in her
husband's face! BRAINS!
Morgan just managed to toss his body aside as his
wife made a bite for his shoulder. He looked, shocked, as
he noticed the look in her eyes. It was not one of love,
let me tell you! A bright burning lay beneath them. An
unholy lust now lay within the body of Mildred Morgan.
And right now, that lust was for the warm flesh of her
husband. However, she had ideas other than the
lieutenant's in how to best implement his flesh. And that
was when realization dawned on him. His carefully
intricate plan to revive his wife was sheer madness. The
reports of the rising dead in Ohio seemed to be the
perfect means to rejoin himself to his beloved. The way
he convinced the House of Representatives to act quickly
enough to take advantage of the terrible situation in
Kingston Falls even impressed himself. Capture some of
these zombies to create the ultimate super soldier, all
part of a carefully contrived, intricate ploy, and he had
them all fooled, except for General Wilson who had proven
to have been right all along! "The- the bacteria wasn't
dormant at all! It hadn't mutated into a prokaryotic
substance, instead it had combined with the carbon
molecules in the IUPAC stasis gas!" The hands of the
clock in his room met and struck 12 o'clock midnight,
October 31st, 1994. Morgan backed away from his
advancing, starving wife as the other zombies broke down
his door and began flooding into the room. BRAINS!
"There, it's finished," General Wilson breathed with
pride as he stepped back to let Dr. Cossack admire his
handiwork. "Yes, there it is," Cossack softly replied.
"So, do you mind telling me what this contraption is?"
Wilson hefted the Gatling gun type device to his hip.
"This is a Gatling gun type device." I don't know about
you, but I'm getting really tired of this unnecessary
repetition. I know it pads the story out to fill space,
but this padding the story out to fill space is making me
really tired of this unnecessary repetition. "There are
four bats fitted into the chambers at the front of the
turret. As each shot is fired off, a bat is hurtled
through the air. After the bats are exhausted, a supply
of tennis balls is expelled from the now empty chambers.
When those are used, I simply use my handy reloading
device-" He waived his free hand towards the cylindrical
object lying at his feet. Four bats were set into the
front of that, too, and we are meant to assume a supply of
tennis balls is inside that as well. "Once reloaded, when
emptied again, it's a simple matter of fitting another
reload chamber ready for use." Cossack continued to stare
blankly at the odd invention. "Reminds me of the things a
fellow worker of mine used to tinker with at Chump
Towers." "Well, what do you think?" Wilson asked, beaming
with pride. "I wonder what possessed you to do such a
thing at a time like this?" Cossack responded turning on
Wilson and pointing to his device. "Well, if you recall,
I am a ballistics expert. So, it was a simple matter of
devising something to hurtle projectiles, baseball bats
and tennis balls, to keep the zombies at bay in case they
get in before you're finished." He looked up at the
rapidly buckling door. "And by the looks of it, they will
get through into this supply room, where we keep both
parts to repair weapons and supplies for the rec room!
The projection system comes from a revamped bazooka and if
you need to be told why the bats and balls are in here,
then the United States government has been paying you far
too much for your services! Anyway, just get to work
accessing the reactor!" With that, the zombies burst
through the tattered door and made their way into the
store room. WE'LL BUILD A NEW STORE ROOM! And if you got
that bizarre Scooby Doo reference, then you deserve a good
beating. Wilson turned and brought his gun, resting
beneath his arm and into his waist, to bear. "I'll hold
'em off!" BRAINS!
Four baseball bats went flying through the air at 126
miles per hour. The first made a marked, well, mark as it
took one zombie's head off. The second shot was more
accurate as it tore into a zombie's stomach, immobilizing
it. The third shot not only took out its target, but the
projectile shot through its target, went through two
others behind it, taking them out, and tore off the arm of
an advancing third. The fourth bat completely missed.
Then, the shower of tennis balls came into play. Still,
the army of the undead continued to march towards Wilson.
Having taken down a decent number of zombies, Wilson
reloaded his strange contraption. He slipped the
cylindrical cover containing his reload and twisted it
into place. The tennis balls fell into the chambers
followed by the four bats. Wilson twisted the reload
chamber back in the opposite direction and flung it to the
floor. He brought his gun to bear again to deal with the
dangerously close creatures. "I've got these bastards
handled! How are we doing, Doc?" Dr. Cossack wretched,
his shoulders rising as his hands clenched. He hated
being called "Dave," er, "Doc" because boats dock and
doctors sciencify. "All we can do is wait. The reactors
are building up, but it'll take time!" "Well, time-"
Wilson barely dispatched a zombie before it took a hunk
out of his leg. "-is something we may not have!" BRAINS!
A gaggle of gnarled hands reached out for the meal
Lieutenant Morgan could soon become. And, of course, the
zombie in the lead was his wife. One, to punctuate the
irony of the situation that he had helped to create, and
two, well, she was simply in the room first! Back at the
store room, things were getting worse. The zombies were
terribly close now! "Hurry!" Wilson shouted as he fired
the last of his tennis balls into the crowd of ghouls. As
Wilson reached down for the reload cartridge that he had
filled moments ago, one tennis ball struck a side wall and
then another, losing momentum before striking a zombie on
the bridge of its nose. It covered its proboscis, annoyed
that someone had the pompous audacity to have attacked
him, and waved over its shoulder. Several MP zombies
marched into the room and engulfed Wilson in a sea of
hands in an attempt to arrest him. After the trial and
court martial, Wilson would be drawn, quartered, and then
subsequently eaten. The sports gun fell from Wilson's
hands and slid across the floor. Cossack noticed his
compatriot in trouble out of the corner of his eye, but he
could do nothing to help. "Just a few seconds, please..."
he silently prayed. He looked up at the screen as the
time completion bar hovered nervously near 100 percent.
"ALMOST!" Wilson struggled desperately against the weight
of the zombies upon him, his hand shooting out towards his
fallen weapon, just mere inches from his fingertips!
"COSSACK! HELP ME! PLEASE!" Wilson cried out as more
zombies came in for the kill. Sadly, Dr. Cossack turned
to face the general. "You said so yourself, general.
'Even if it may mean our lives...'"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the general shouted as the
zombies began to tear him to pieces right on the floor
behind Cossack. Those that couldn't fit into the mass
devouring General Wilson tumbled over him and headed
straight for the good doctor, an easy kill! The time bar
thankfully filled out. Doctor Cossack reached for the
button necessary to plunge the reactor into a nuclear
nightmare. Back in Lieutenant Morgan's room, closer,
closer the bloodied hands came. His wife's were the first
to get a hold of his clothing, but they never got the
chance because a searing, white light soon swallowed them
all up. BRAINS!
As Dr. Cossack's hand hovered over the key, waiting
to press it down and end his torment, the screaming behind
him stopped. That resolved him to press his hand home,
but his world was then replaced by a terrible retching
throughout his entire body. White and red danced behind
his eyes as his mind was clouded with unimaginable pain.
He wanted to scream, but he couldn't, the pain was so
intense. Even if he could scream, the contractions in his
chest would force the hot, quick breath from his lungs.
In the reflection of the computer monitor before him, he
could see a look of death frozen on his face and on the
face of General Montgomery Wilson behind him. Wilson's
bloodied hand was clearly seen in the image, clutching Dr.
Cossack's still beating heart in the fist emerged from the
bloody hole in the left side of his chest. The searing
pain made his hand clench into a fist above the button.
With that, as his world ended, the rest of the world was
allowed to live peacefully for one more night. Wilson
forcibly removed his fist from Dr. Cossack's chest.
Cossack's fist relaxed as his body fell forward onto the
control console. Just before he died, Cossack felt the
peacefully assuring pressure of the button being pressed
in his palm. "Thank... you..." were his final thoughts.
BRAINS!
To look at the city of Louisville, Kentucky for just
the few scant seconds that we see it now, one could never
tell the impending disaster about to strike it. All was
peaceful, calm; deathly calm. Time was frozen just a few
scant moments before the large, white-hot mushroom cloud
erupted from the epicenter. There was the silence that
follows the detonation of an atomic explosion followed by
the expanding shock wave that engulfed the area around
ground zero. Hurricane gale winds blew the tiles off of
roofs before snatching up the houses beneath and carting
them off. The burning plasma spread about for miles
around. The incredible heat burned bright in Louisville,
Kentucky that day. The massive, uncontrolled energies of
the heart of a star bombarded every single atom in the
area, consuming them in its own funeral pyre. Among these
molecules were those of the recently revived dead and a
particular strain of mutated yeast within them. For a few
seconds, the plan went completely awry, mutating the
bacteria even further rather than consuming them. But,
the bacteria eventually reached its mutation event
horizon. It had become the strongest viral agent that the
people of the Earth could have ever imagined. And the
next mutation was its death knell. The fallout rose into
the night, and interestingly enough, this radiation was
only harmful to humans in the sense that the blast took
out so much. The fallout mattered relatively little. The
alternative acid rain ending almost came into being had it
not been for the bacteria's final mutation. It became
simple yeast, and it began to rain dough across the state
of Kentucky, forcing the governor to declare a state of
baking emergency across the, well, state. The city of
Louisville, Kentucky was destroyed that day, consumed in
the fires of white, hot death, and all it did was generate
another Ohio newspaper headline heralding the explosion of
a city: "ANOTHER AREA CITY MYSTERIOUSLY EXPLODES; SECOND
IN TWO YEARS!" The city's demise also brought an end the
life of Doctor Igottcha Cossack who had only wanted to
help the world, but whose mistakes cost so many lives.
Still, it also brought an end to his suffering. His soul
was exonerated of its accidental crimes on that day,
October 31, 1994. And on the seventh day, he rested.
This is the end of "Return of the Living Dead:
Rewritten V \ A Farewell to Arms!" The zombies have been
stopped, but at the cost of General Wilson and Dr.
Cossack. Oh, and the entire population of Louisville,
Kentucky, as well as the city itself. How can I top
myself with the destruction of yet another middle Eastern
United States city? Well, by God, I'm sure as Hell going
to try with "The Terminator: Rewritten" mini-series coming
soon to a monitor/printer/modem/bulletin board/disk device
near you!
"Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten V \ A Farewell to
Arms" @1995 by David Minter. Based on the movies "Return
of the Living Dead" @1984 by Orion Pictures Corporation
which is based on the movie "Night of the Living Dead"
@1968 by Image Ten Productions, "Return of the Living Dead
Part II" @1988 Orion Pictures Corporation, and "Return of
the Living Dead III" @1993 by Trimark Pictures, the
concept of the Book and Record Set @1984 by Buena Vista
Records, and material from the :Rewritten series,
consisting sequentially of "Gremlins: Rewritten,"
"Critters: Rewritten," "Gremlins 2: Rewritten," "Night of
the Living Dead: Rewritten," "Bionic Command: Rewritten,"
and "Star Wars: Rewritten," written by David Minter @1991,
1992, 1993, and 1994, "Return of the Living Dead:
Rewritten \ Old Friends" @1994 by David Minter, "Return of
the Living Dead: Rewritten II \ A United Front" @1994 by
David Minter, "Return of the Living Dead: Rewritten III \
THEY'RE BAAAAAAACK!" @1995 by David Minter, and "Return of
the Living Dead: Rewritten IV \ Invasion!" @1995 by David
Minter.
Night of the Living Dead @1968, 1984, 1988, 1989, 1990,
1993, and 1994 by Image Ten Productions and George Romero,
John Russo, and Russ Streiner.
Buena Vista Records is a subsidiary of Walt Disney Picture
Incorporated.
The story, all names, characters, and incidents depicted
in this story are subject to change.
This series is dedicated to XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.
CENSORED BY THE GOVERNMENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
HAVE A NICE LIFE!
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