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Star Wars: Rewritten \ A Universe Divided by: Da
Star Wars: Rewritten \ A Universe Divided
Written by: David Minter
Finished 6-1-94.
Based on the movie Star Wars @1977 by Twentieth Century
Fox Film Corporation, and the concept of the Book and
Record Set @1984 by Buena Vista Records.
"I'll talk about the person I met when I was
younger." "Oh, yes, Mom! Please do!" "In 1984, we came
across a species of creature called Gremlin. It should
have never been put into practice. In 1988, we came
across an extraterrestrial form of life called Critter,
which should also have never been put into practice. For
from this unassuming life form, Mentos, a hateful sorcerer
from the darker times of man, was resurrected. With him,
he carried all the secrets of the universe, which fell
into the hands of the Earth's then greatest robotics
genius, Dr. William Douglas Wily. Wily had seen the plan
that was never put into practice, and decided to execute
it himself. According to him, I was a necessary part of
this plan, and so he had me kidnaped. Chump Towers tried
to stop his attempt by sending our hero, Billy Peltzer, in
an experimental exosuit, based on the now famous Mega Man
design. He stopped Wily eventually. Only then, we didn't
know the terrible consequences Billy had unleashed on an
unsuspecting Earth! The story begins..."
This is the story of Star Wars: Rewritten \ A Universe
Divided. You can follow along with me in Billy's audio
diary. You will know it's time to turn the page when you
hear ARGH_2-BILLY_DEE_WILLIAMS beep like this...
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP, not to be confused with the sound
of the Road Runner, BEEP! BEEP! from Gremlins 2:
Rewritten, which was only a book and record set and not a
diary. Boy, as was promised, that damn page turner signal
gets longer and longer! Let's begin now!
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
It was an usually lovely June day... for New York.
Billy Peltzer could actually look out upon the city he
virtually owned from the tower looming above it. Not even
the bright lights of the city burning through the remnants
of his good retina could shake him out of his current
state, though. Something was wrong, and he didn't know
how to tell Kate. Oh, he hadn't seen Stripe raping his
clock or anything as unsettling like that. No, this sense
of dread was intangible, as all sense or dread usually
are. It held in the air conditioned plush of his office,
and strangled him. But, what could possibly go wrong?
Two years ago, he had fulfilled his father's mission for
him in life. He had stopped the end of the world. He had
even destroyed Dr. Wily and rescued his girlfriend.
But... "That's it!" he shouted, relieved. "I'm too
worried about the past! That's all said and done. It's
June 13, 1994. It's the start of a new work week. I'M
FREE!" He went over to his intercom and buzzed his
secretary, which really annoyed Mrs. Wye since he had
insisted she be neurologically wired into the intercom for
quicker service. He and Kate were going take an early...
lunch? BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
Billy and Kate raised their glasses in a loving tink.
"Oh, Billy. This is so lovely! Closing Obsidian's down
just for the two of us to drink wine all day." Billy
laughed. "Not just wine, but scotch and that El Diablo
drink you like so much. I've even provided some unique
entertainment." He snapped his fingers and Jerry, that
funny rocket waiter, zoomed into the dining area. He
quickly set up an intricate series of pillars and posts
and sped back into the kitchen. "What is he-" Billy
silenced her question by placing her hand in his. "You'll
see." Jerry returned with an armful of plates, and began
spinning them all on the device he had set up. Kate
giggled gleefully. "Mindless plate spinning
entertainment! My favorite!" "That's not all. Watch."
Billy slid an escargot down his gullet, as Jerry proceed
to climb onto his spinning plates, and while attempting,
and often failing, to balancing himself on the rotating
china, did a Chippendale's striptease! "I didn't know he
could that!" Kate whispered in disbelief. What followed
stunned her. "OR THAT!" "Neither did he... until he
tried and found out he could." BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
Several hours of wine, El Diablos, escargot, plate
spinning, and nudity later, Billy and Kate were all but
slumped over in each other's arms. "It's such a lucky
thing your father could take care of little Jason for us
while we get zonked! I wonder how he'll keep the little
monster entertained?" "Oh," Billy began with more of a
drunken belch than an interjection. "I'm sure he's
irradiating him with one of his latest discoveries or
something. Who cares?! Wanna make another one?" Kate
grinned. "I've got a better idea." "Better than boffing
you?" "Just hear me out, dear. Why don't we first sleep
off our booze, since there now appear to be an infinite
number of you in my mind, and then take a leisurely stroll
through New York, New York, the city so nice they named it
thrice!" Before Billy could answer, both he and Kate
passed out in each other's arms. Jerry burst over to
Billy, rummaged through his pockets, and pulled out a
handful or ready cash from his boss's jacket. "HA!
Humileeeeeeeeeeate meeeeeeeeee, vill zouuuuuuuuuu!" He
then shot off for parts unknown with his new found
fortune. BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
The bright, searing sun wasn't nearly as tortuous to
his hangover as Billy had assumed it should have been. It
must have been all those years of listening to Dean
Martin's "Little Ole Wine Drinker Me" and "Hey, Brother!
Pour the Wine!" 45's that peppered Rand's 8-track
collection. Or maybe it was the euphoria that shot
through his body at having his true love attached
permanently to his side for as long as he would live. He
took in a deep breath of New York air, coughed out the
impurities, and enjoyed life. "Isn't this the best time
to be alive, Kate!? The town, the people, the-" "The new
shops, like that one over there?" Billy did his best to
focus through his haze at the structure that she was
pointing to. It appeared to be a little knickknack store
called, "All Things Big and Small are Best Remembered
after They're Thrown Away and Collected by Greedy Men like
the Proprietor of this Shoppe." "Hmmm," he remarked to
Kate. "What an odd name for a store." After a few
minutes of staring, he felt he had to add, or he would
burst, "Also an oddly familiar place..." "Let's go in!
I've got a metric tonne of money that I'm just itching to
blow, and I've already frequented the rest of the shops on
this street." What could it hurt? "Sure, why not? After
all, we're already stinking drunk. What other kind of
trouble can you get into in New York?" Almost as if in
answer to his question, a half-naked Marion Berry ran past
them down the street, with three angry Keystone Kops in
close pursuit. BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
The shop was filled with many unique items. And, it
also filled Billy with a sense of dread. Even after Lyman
Taggert left the shop, the feeling of dread stayed behind.
There was something ominous, but familiar, about this
shop. "Oh, Billy! Look at that odd item in the window."
Kate straddled on over to the shop's display glass, and
eyed the strange looking book on the tray. Billy
followed, only to find himself stunned! "Hmmm. I wonder
what it- OH NO! IT CAN'T BE!" "That is very special
item!" came a familiar Oriental voice, which I'm sure by
now you know who it belongs to. "I cannot sell it at any
price!" Billy and Kate slowly turned to stare eyes to one
good eye and a television camera with ( Quan, the old,
Chinese man! BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
Hatred burned in the eye of the old, Chinese man.
"YOU! What are you two doing here? Your job is done,
Billy Peltzer! LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT OF MY SHOP BEFORE
YOU DESTROY IT OR THE WORLD!" Billy patted the hyper
Chinaman on the shoulder, only to pull his hand back in
pain when the very substance of his body burned the flesh
of Billy's hand like acid. "OW! Hey! What could we
possibly do? We're out of the world saving business.
Now, we run the most successful TV empire ever, make tons
of money- see this platinum watch?" Billy flashed the
object in question before the old, Chinese man's eye.
"-and we make lots of love." "Well, he does anyway," Kate
piped up. "I just-" "Be quiet, woman." "No," she
answered in defiance. She played the book before the
shop's proprietor. "What is this thing anyway?" "It is a
book." "I KNOW THAT! I mean, what is its title?"
"Before you answer that Quan, I've got to know something."
While the book tantalized Kate's meager intelligence,
Billy drew ( aside. "Where the hell did you get that...
thing?" Quan looked at Billy with disgust. "I really
couldn't tell you, even if I wanted to. It was here when
I bought the place. But, I suppose the information you
want is in the manifest." "Manifest?" "Yes. I bought
this colorful, curio shop II from a man by the name of
Frank Mancuso Jr. He had made a deal with the Devil to
sell cursed curios, but he broke the pact. The manifest
contains a record of all of the Devil's knickknacks, one
of which is that book your girlfriend-" "Um, she's my
wife now." "YOUR WIFE, is now ogling."
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
Billy took hold of the old, Chinese man by his
lapels, jarring his detachable head slightly. "You mean
to tell me that that thing that told me was mostly
harmless and not to panic is now cursed by Satan?!"
"Um..." He wasn't quite sure how to answer it. "Let me
look!" He wriggled free of Billy's grasp and dashed into
his office in the back. He quickly locked the door, and
ran to the emergency exit. He fiddled with the door
there, before he realized he was fiddling with the wall.
He hadn't had an emergency exit installed, because it
would have eaten into his profits, despite the fact that
it was the law. Before he could even think about what to
do next, the sound of Billy's running feet approached his
door. BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
Billy kicked the door, which gave way slightly.
Quan, realizing that there was no way of escape, went to
his desk to get the revolver. He opened the drawer and
remembered why the gun wasn't there. The only way Frank
Mancuso Jr. could break his pact, after committing that
travesty known as "War of the Worlds: The Second
Invasion," had used the cursed handgun to blow his own
brains out, after which the hexed object dissolved and
joined them both in Hell. Seeing that he had no choice, (
took the manifest from off of the top shelf in his office
and thumbed through it. The door gave way, and Billy
burst in. "NOW THEN, QUAN!" The old, Chinese man,
looking as calm and as staunch as you please, looked up
from the manifest. He removed the reading glass from his
eye. "Ah, there you are, young Mister Peltzer. I have
sequestered the necessary data you require."
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
Billy didn't know what to think as the old, Chinese
man elegantly waltzed over to him with the book. "It says
here that the book was sold to him by..." THE OLD,
CHINESE MAN WAS STUNNED! "I don't believe it! I'm
stunned! YOU!" "Me? THE me?" "Well, can you think of
anyone else who would willingly admit to being you?"
Billy was truly at a loss for words. "There now. You
told him you found the odd device lying on the ground of a
dilapidated farm. I wonder whose farm that could be,
hmmmm?" He eyed Billy suspiciously, who hung his head
down in shame. "Anyway, you had said that it was a piece
of sophisticated electronics, possibly alien, and sold it
to a pawn shop of all things. You got around 500 bucks,
it says here." Billy knew he was right. He had needed
that money for a trip to New York, but he hadn't sold it
in New York! What was going on here? "It says here that
that book has some very interesting properties. First
off, no one wants it. Even way back in Iowa, where he had
his first, non-cursed pawn shop, no one would even look at
it." So, now we know where the Peltzers' farm and
Innesfree were! That's a cue to turn to the next page if
I ever wrote one. BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
"You came walking into his pawn shop needing money to
pay for a hotel bill and something about gas for a tractor
and a ticket to New York, whatever the hell that may mean!
Mancuso then had a massive liquidation sale and got rid of
everything except for that book. He moved to New York as
well, where he got a job at Paramount Movie Studios. That
was when he made the pact with Lucifer. All he had to do
was sell cursed antiques at a curio shop that he had to
buy himself and rewrite the television series "War of the
Worlds" for cancellation. It seemed that the show was so
good and original that it would have enlightened the human
mind too much for the Devil's liking, much like a similar
deal had been struck with Todd McFarlane of Image Comics
against one Simon Furman. He succeeded, but the network
executives at Paramount decided to get rid of him for
those deadly "War of the Worlds" changes and that "Friday
the 13th" series, which had nothing to do with the "Friday
the 13th" movies also by Paramount. They had to do so
before he did the same thing to "Star Trek: The Next
Generation," their FLAGSHIP program and best and most
original thing ever to have been conceived ( Yeah,
right! ), that he had done to the great "War of the
Worlds." BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
"Now, out of a job, all he had left was the selling
of cursed antiques. Even then, he couldn't get rid of
that stupid book. It was a piece of complicated alien
machinery, but not even the government wanted it. Finally
at rock bottom, he felt he was even lower than Adam West,
which is pretty low indeed. He realized he had been
played a fool by the Devil and went about reacquiring the
antiques, taken from the fictionalized accounts he had
generated for his "Friday the 13th" series. After he
finally gathered the remaining items back, he then killed
himself to remove the curse on the objects. He wasn't
going to let the Devil win, which proved for naught since
he now burns eternally there. After the destruction of my
curio shop and my grandson, something which even though I
cannot prove I know you had a hand in, and since you had
destroyed the Mogwai, I decided to go back into the
pawning business. Unbeknownst to you, I had flagged down
your helicopter back in Kingston Falls for a ride back to
New York. Rand couldn't refuse me since he was partly
responsible for the Mogwai's continued release." Billy
just stared at him. "You mean to say neither you nor Kate
saw me in the copter with you after Kingston Falls blew
up?" Billy simply shook his head.
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
"I found this curio shop for sale sometime later. I
took out a loan and bought it. All of this glorious place
is mine!" ( spread his arms out to encompass the whole
office. "Being the curio entrepreneur that I am, I turned
this place, its reputation for selling hellishly cursed
antiques and all, around, and made millions! I easily
repaid the bank, and then bought it! Want a job there,
like back in what was once your old home town, Kingston
Falls?!" The old, Chinese man stared madly into Billy's
eyes and cackled gleefully. As he backed away from the
rapidly maddening Oriental gentleman, Billy noticed the
yellowed newspaper front page encased in a glass frame on
the wall behind him. The headline blazed, "SMALL CITY IN
OHIO MYSTERIOUSLY EXPLODES! POLICE OF HAZZARD COUNTY
BAFFLED!" BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
"But, what exactly is that book?" Billy asked ( in an
attempt to try and calm him down, which seemed to work.
Quan read on; hmmm, a rhyme! "It says here that it called
itself 'The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy.' It was an
electronic database in the form of a book that held
information on all known planets in the solar system, as
well as a myriad of other worlds, races, galaxies, and
universes. There are also unconfirmed reports on the part
of its previous owners that it was also capable of
transportation, whatever that may include. DAMN!"
"What?" "I knew I should have read this thing before I
started selling those items. Like here-" He held the
book up for Billy to read. "-that moose head I sold last
week, it says not to sell it. It was one of the few items
that refused to be uncursed. If it falls into anyone
else's hands, it will bite off as many human heads as it
can and send their bodies' souls to Hell. Oh, well. When
weighed against millions of dollars, being responsible for
the eternal damnation of souls is nothing too terrible to
bear." Billy read on ahead of the old, Chinese man. "The
Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy's curse will transport
its victims to a random planet, one which closely matches
the victim's impression of Hell. The indigenous
inhabitants of that particular planet will then pursue and
slaughter the victim, sending his soul to the Devil! Good
God! I've got to stop Kate before she activates that
thing!" BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
Billy dashed out of Quan's office, and into the main
floor room of the curio shop. Luckily, the establishment
was empty except for themselves. Kate looked up from the
Hitchhikers' Guide, and noticed Billy presence. "Lookie
here, dear. I've managed to get it working!" Already,
the red bars were leaping and dancing across the book's
Game Boy like LCD screen, gradually spelling out the
warning, "Don't Panic!" "KATE! For God's sake... DROP
THAT BOOK!" Kate, like all bitches should, did as she was
told. The book fell to the floor with a clank and a
rattle. "Hey! Don't damage the merchandise!" the old,
Chinese man shouted. "Pretty to look at, tempting to
hold; but if you break it, consider it-" "SHUT UP, OLD
FOOL!" "That's old, CHINESE fool." "SILENCE! LOOK WHAT
YOU'VE DONE!" Billy pointed at the dissipating Kate. She
tried to scream, but it was if her voice was being sucked
into the sub-etha. She tried to reach out to her
protector, but she wasn't swift enough. She soon just
simply disappeared with a flash of light.
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
"Kate? KATE! DEAR LORD, NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Billy
rounded angrily on (. "Haven't you done enough to me
already?! I'M RETIRED! AND NOW, BECAUSE OF YOU, I'LL
HAVE TO JOURNEY TO SOME UNKNOWN WORLD AND BRAVE UNKNOWN
YET SOMEHOW FAMILIAR DANGERS TO RESCUE KATE AGAIN! WHO
WILL I MEET UP WITH THIS TIME? SOME KIND OF CROSSBREED
BETWEEN GREMLINS AND CRITTERS, EH?!" Billy raised his
fist and was about to assault ( when, "You lay this at my
doorstep? She has done with Hitchhikers' Guide what she
and her society have done with all of nature's, in this
case the universe's, gifts! She brought it all on
herself, and you blame me? I was wrong, Billy Peltzer.
YOU ARE NOT READY!" Billy took a swing at the old,
Chinese man anyway. ( simply separated his head from his
shoulders, and Billy ended up swinging at the empty space
where ('s neck had once been. "We could continue this
fruitless endeavor, but I don't think you would want that
to happen. You see, I will win. Always." Billy compared
his strengths to that of ('s. There was the orbital head,
which would prevent any sort of knockout blows to the
chin... "Okay. You win. Just... help me get Kate back."
He hated to admit it, but he was out of his league here.
Sure, he could save the world multiple times, but cursed
antique curios were where he drew he line. He needed help
there! BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
The old, Chinese man recalled his amazing head. He
placed his hand to his chin for a moment, felt to make
sure the connection between his spine and his brain had
been reestablished correctly, and thought. "The book
supposedly transports victims to the planet that most
closely resembles his, or in this case her, idea of Hell.
Since both you and she have been through the same
nightmares, it would seem correct to assume that both you
and she have the same idea of Hell. I'm sure if you take
a hold of the book, you will be transported to the same
place. Pick up the book." Reluctantly at first, Billy
took the book in his hand. He examined it once again as
he had done before in 1988. He found the power switch
that he had accidentally done before, and turned on the
Hitchhikers' Guide. BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
"Good luck, Billy Peltzer." "What's that supposed to
mean?" "Well, there's always the idea that your vision of
Hell may be different than hers. You'll probably end up
inside the rotting corpse of your first father." "WHAT?!"
Billy's discorporate form spun to face (. "Don't drop the
book!" the old, Chinese man commanded. "You'll probably
need it to return to this time and place... hoping that
the book doesn't immediately send you to Hell; go to Hell;
go directly to Hell; do not pass Go; do not collect $200!"
Before Billy could even say "WHAT?!" again, he simply
faded away from Earth, the book making the journey with
him. The old, Chinese man stared at the empty space where
Billy had stood just a moment before. He looked up and
beamed. "I knew I'd get rid of that cursed book someday!"
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
Billy tumbled through many possible times and more
possible places. He passed through the age of the
dinosaurs. The time of rocket powered cars went by in an
instant, replaced by covered wagons. But eventually, his
journey came to an abrupt end. He landed rather roughly
at the appropriate time and place. Billy admired the
beautifully desolate sand dune that he had landed on. He
had to, since he had landed face first into it. He sat up
and spat out sand. He paused for yet another moment to
admire the impression that his body had made into the sand
upon impact before rising to his feet. He looked around
him, hoping to find something other than sand, which was
to prove to be a disappointment since that was all there
was was... sand. That is, except for the woman screaming
from a sand dune behind him! BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
Billy scrambled over the nearest sand dune. What he
saw astonished him. A group of nomadic peoples had
surrounded Kate, and were threateningly poking about her
with spears. She was on the verge of a breakdown. "But I
swear! The canned ham jingle is the only one I know! I
SWEAR!" The obviously oblivious tribesmen cared not for
Kate's excuses, and raised their weapons, poised for the
final kill and a few reenactments of their favorite scenes
from "The Emerald Jungle." "NO! KATE!" Billy, thinking
foolhardily as usual, left his place of concealment and
rushed down the side of the dune to be at Kate's side.
She looked up at the approximate location of the voice.
Her face lit up when she saw Billy. Her face winced when
she saw a guard bring down the butt of its spear across
Billy's chin. BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
He didn't know how long he was out. When he
painfully awoke, he found he was bound by the hands and
feet, facing a guardsman's spear. It seemed that Kate's
usefulness had been outlived. She was also tied up,
except she was trapped against a pole. Either they were
going to burn her at the stake or gut her, both of which
seemed losing propositions to Kate. What appeared to be
the savages' leader stepped forward, brandishing a much
larger... SPEAR! than the rest of his men. He raised his
massive weapon, and bore down on Kate for the kill! The
other men flashed Billy a look that seemed to say "You're
next!" or "Hull High is on." take your pick.
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
A sonic boom erupted across the sky. Sand and plumes
of air arose all around the gathered men, causing the
mentally substandard to flee in terror, which would have
included Billy and Kate had they had been free to do so.
Kate looked up into the burning sky of this desert hell to
see what sort of avian creature could have scared away
somewhat civilized human beings. Needless to say, she was
startled when, not a bird of prey but, a huge spaceship
loomed above their heads and slowly descended.
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
The ugly thing hovered in the air for a moment, as if
surveying the scene about it. Then, an exit gantry fell
into the sand below it. Several metallic things descended
the ramp and scanned the two human prisoners it found.
They were rather trapezoidal in shape, running around on a
sort of base, with a series of globes laden into it. Kate
had never seen anything like it before, but Billy had.
Only, it was on tv, and not in real life. Of course...
this wasn't Earth. "HUMANOIDS. DO-NOT-MOVE! YOU-ARE-
OUR-PRISONERS!" If this was a movie, I would have ordered
the camera to quickly focus in on Billy's stunned looked
before he said, "DALEKS!" Daleks?
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
The lead Dalek went over to Billy and registered his
countenance in its memory banks. There wasn't a match,
and yet this carbon based slime had recognized their race.
This wasn't logical, since the majority of this planet's
populace that had registered intelligence had been
exterminated. "DO-NOT-MOVE, OR-YOU-WILL-BE-EXTERMINATED!"
Billy flashed the Dalek a sarcastic look. "I'm bound,
hands and feet! I couldn't move even if I wanted to!"
"SILENCE!" the Dalek shouted with its equivalent of
contempt. It then turned to its soldiers. "I-HAVE-
COME-UP-WITH-A-MATCH-ON-THE-REGISTERED-FEMALE. TAKE-HER-
PRISONER, AND-EXTERMINATE-THIS-HUMANOID-MALE!" Those
weren't words that Billy wanted to hear!
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
He had to move fast. "I don't know how in the world
you could know Kate, since we don't even come from this
planet..." "HUMANOID-ORGANIC-LIFE-LIKE-YOURSELVES-
ORIGINATED-ON-THIS-PLANET, EARTH." Earth?! They were on
Earth? But how? Such questions would have to wait as
Kate was being herded into the Daleks' spacecraft. One
Dalek broke off from the rest and approached Billy from
behind, aiming its weapon into his spine.
BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
"It's now or never, Peltzer!" he whispered, as he
fell back, tucked into a ball, and crashed into the Dalek
behind him. The machine jerked backwards as well, and
toppled down the sand dune behind it. It fell head first
into the sand and became lodged there. Even through the
granules of the desert floor, the Dalek's distress call
could be heard. "NEED-ASSISTANCE! HUMANOID-ESCAPING!"
The leading Dalek turned back from its ship. It
registered the approaching heat trace. "CONTINUE-LOADING-
THE-PRISONER-ON-BOARD. THE-EMPEROR-WILL-WANT-TO-QUESTION-
THIS-HUMANOID. UNIT-0011-0101, DISPATCH-AND-ELIMINATE-
HUMANOID-MALE." The Dalek did as it was told. It broke
away from its squad and cut Billy off. All he could do
was watch helplessly as the Daleks took Kate, not knowing
why or even how! BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
The Dalek left behind raised its weapon towards
Billy's trachea. "EX-TER-MIN-ATE!" A flash of light went
through the air and then through the Dalek. It began to
sputter and shake; its weapon arm fell away. Billy stared
at it in fascination, wondering what had happened. "No
time to worry about what has just happened!" a voice
belonging to the body that had just appeared before Billy
and placed its hand on his shoulder said. "That thing's
already activated its self-destruct sequence! MOVE! THAT
WAY!" The stranger pointed towards where Billy had
defeated the first Dalek, and dashed off. Seeing no other
course to follow and the smoke belching from the Dalek in
front of him, Billy followed. He scrambled over the sand
dune, and came up to the stranger who was now standing
besides the Dalek buried in the sand. "Better not risk
it!" he shouted as he raised some sort of energy sword,
teeth set into the blazing green beam of light whirring,
and thrust it into the exposed underbelly of the Dalek.
The light beam penetrated the Dalek's mobility systems,
and into its cryogenic suspension, triggering its
self-destruct sequence. The stranger motioned to get
moving again. The pair dashed across the arid desert, and
took cover behind some other sand dunes, just as the two
Daleks went off! BEEP_BEEP_BEEP_DURWEEP!
After the smoke, sand, dust, debris, and flames had
cleared, Billy emerged from his point of concealment. He
held out his hand for the stranger. "Thanks, stranger."
The somewhat older gentlemen arose, and took Billy's hand.
"The name's Obi Wan Kenobi." BILLY WAS STUNNED! "But
almost everyone else calls me Old Ben Kenobi, Bob Kenobi,
Shish K. Bob Kenobi, or Abdul Kenobi, just to name a few.
Why, I've even had people call me Alec Guiness, Alex
Guiness, Guiness Book of World Records, and... but, I
digress." He pressed a hidden control set into the handle
of his light blade, and the toothed beam of energy
retreated into the handle with a hum. "Now then, we've
got to talk about the world situation today, son."
This is the end of Star Wars: Rewritten \ A Universe
Divided. Daleks? What can it all possibly mean? They
seemed to know Kate, but then again, who doesn't?! WINK,
WINK! THAT'S NOT A SIGN TO TURN THE PAGE! Who is this
mysterious Ben Kenobi, and what horrible portends of the
future will he reveal next time in Star Wars: Rewritten II
\ This Island Earth? Find out in- oh, wait! I've already
told you that.
Star Wars: Rewritten \ A Universe Divided @1994 by David
Minter. Based on the movie Star Wars @1977 by Twentieth
Century Fox Film Corporation, and the concept of the Book
and Record Set @1984 by Buena Vista Records
Star Wars and all related characters @1977, 1980, 1983,
and 1993 by Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation, in
association with George Lucas, Lucasfilms, Lucasarts, and
Industrial Light and Magic.
Daleks @1990 by the British Broadcasting Corporation and
Terry Nation.
Buena Vista Records is a subsidiary of Walt Disney
Productions.
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