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Star Wars: Rewritten V \ Return of the Jedi by:





Star Wars: Rewritten V \ Return of the Jedi

by: David Minter

Finished 7-28-94.

Featuring story, music, and photos
( minus music and photos )
from the original motion picture
( minus the original motion picture ).

Based on an original story by George Lucas, the film "Star
Wars: Return of the Jedi" @1983 by Lucasfilm Ltd., the
concept of the Book and Record Set @1984 by Buena Vista
Records, the Buena Vista Book and Record Set "Star Wars:
Return of the Jedi" @1983 by Buena Vista Records, Star
Wars: Rewritten IV \ A New Hope @1994 by David Minter,
from material freely adapted from Batman #497 "The Broken
Bat" by Doug Moench, @1993 by DC Comics, a division of
Warner Brothers Pictures Incorporated, a subsidiary of the
Time Warner Company, Star Wars: Rewritten III \ The Empire
Strikes Back @1994 by David Minter, from the film "Star
Wars: The Empire Strikes Back" @1980 by Lucasfilm Ltd. and
the Buena Vista Book Record Set "Star Wars: The Empire
Strikes Back" @1980 by Buena Vista Records, Star Wars:
Rewritten II \ This Island Earth @1994 by David Minter,
from the film "Star Wars" @1976 by Twentieth Century Fox
Film Corporation and the Buena Vista Book and Record Set
"Star Wars" @1980 by Buena Vista Records, Star Wars:
Rewritten \ A Universe Divided @1994 by David Minter, and
material freely adapted from the Doctor Who episode
"Remembrance of the Daleks," written by Ben Aaronovitch,
@1987 by the British Broadcasting Corporation and @1989 by
Ben Aaronovitch.


This is the story of Star Wars: Rewritten V \ Return of
the Jedi. You can read along with me in your book. You
will know it is time to turn the page when you hear
ARGH_2-BILLY_DEE_WILLIAMS beep like this...

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP.

________________

LET'S BEGIN NOW:

----------------











Some time far ahead of ours in a galaxy far, far away...

( Dramatic pause )

( Cue now famous Star Wars theme by John Williams )

STAR
WARS

EPISODE V

RETURN OF THE JEDI

Billy
Peltzer has
returned to his
home planet Earth, although
not the one in his home dimension
but in this flip side where he has visited
before, in an attempt to rescue his friend and
country music legend\intergalactic smuggler Hank Williams
from the clutches of the vile gangster Bubba the Fett.

Little
does Billy
know that the
DALEK EMPIRE has secretly
begun construction on a new
armored space station even more powerful
than the first dreaded Death Star.

When completed,
this ultimate weapon
will spell certain doom
for the small band of rebels
struggling to restore freedom to the galaxy...


I bet you'd probably like a free pair of glasses right
about now, wouldn't you?

Well, now you can! Free inside every specially marked box
of Star Wars: Rewritten cereal, the ONLY official cereal
that Billy Peltzer shaves when he eats his face every
morning for breakfast! WOW! Can you imagine that? Now,
you, too, can own the haunting... beautiful music that
comes from these shades-


Anyway, Van Vader's shuttle approached the patchwork








sphere that hung in space over the forests of Endure, the
Planet of Ordeals. This was the new Death Star. To
protect the gigantic space station during its
construction, an invisible force shield was thrown around
it from a large generator on Endure. As Vader has
discovered over past events, the Dalek army kept secrets
from his weak human side. One of these was the purpose of
this new Death Star. One of the reasons behind its
construction was to eliminate the annoying Rebel faction
once and for all, as his Death Star had been. But, as the
Rebels had proven, his plans were all but perfect; it had
been destroyed. Now, the Emperor was resurrecting the
Death Star, more powerful than before. It had been
outfitted with the latest in Dalek war technology and some
equipment gleaned from Dalek Time Corridor experiments.
One of the results of these experiments was the
transportation of a group of Daleks into the other reality
where they met up with, and subsequently exterminated, an
old woman. What would a battle station need with quantum
mechanical machinery? Surely, the Rebels aren't powerful
enough to deal with firepower of such magnitude, even
without the time devices. Of course, the Emperor wouldn't
tell him. He just ordered Vader to journey to the Death
Star and oversee its final stages, including chambers
for... THE EMPEROR ITSELF! BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Meanwhile, Rebel commanders were planning their next
move against the evil Dalek Empire. After a stunning
victory, followed by a small setback, the Alliance needed
to decide its next course of action. Little did they know
the Rebellion was possibly doomed to extinction. If the
Emperor gets his way, the Rebel Alliance will be wiped out
once and forever! Wait a minute. Why am I repeating
this? They already know it! Soon, their next plan
revealed itself. Rebel spies from deep space reported
what appeared to be a fledgling Death Star above the
planet Endure. Therefore, the next logical course of
action was to attack the station before it was able to
attack them. And to do that, they needed all their
available pilots. However, there was one slight problem.
Hank Williams, veteran country musician and smuggler, had
been frozen by the Empire, and taken to Bubba the Fett,
who had put a price his head, by the robotic bounty
hunter, S.E.X.I.S.T. P.I.G. 69. Williams, with his
co-pilot Chewingtobacco, possessed one of the Alliance's
most powerful craft, the Millennium Falcon. They needed
the Falcon if they were going to take the Death Star
again, and to do that, they needed Williams back!
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Williams had been taken to the now desert planet
Earth. S.E.X.I.S.T. P.I.G. 69 had delivered Williams's








body, in carbonite stasis, to the vile gangster, Bubba,
collected the rather large bounty, and took off to spend
it on nuts, bolts, machine oil, and robotic hookers.
Bubba the Fett lived in a foul, dimly lit palace several
miles away from the only other major dwelling on Earth,
Canteena. Actually, palace is too nice a word. It was a
junkyard action playset, with accompanying hovel. Bubba's
throne room was about as esthetically pleasing as a gas
chamber. Within this menacing fortress, the slug-like
Bubba the Fett was hearing an audience with See-Thru-B-O.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"Pardon my pause," See-Thru-B-O begged. "It's just
that for a fleeting moment, I thought I heard the voice
of... a once trusted friend of mine." Through its
jumble-like haze of a language, Bubba uttered that he
hated beings who couldn't say what they wanted in a single
moment, and enslaved See-Thru-B-O, using him as an
interpreter. Next, Kate tried her unique talents to
retrieve the space pilot. After selling Chewingtobacco
for a bounty failed to worm her way close enough to free
Hank, she tried dancing naked atop throne room tables.
This did entertain Bubba, so much so that he had her
imprisoned too, dressed in scantily clad golden plate
armor, and chained to his throne block to lovingly rub
herself against him. She couldn't help but laugh when
Bubba used the word "concierge" to describe her new
position... even in his alien tongue. All seemed lost,
until a black-robed figure strode bravely into the room.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"Listen to me, Bubba. I am Billy Peltzer, recently
crowned Jedi Knight even though I am no such thing. I
come unarmed, but do not underestimate my powers!" With
that threat having been uttered, a guard's blaster flew
across the room, and into Billy's grasp, followed by all
the guards' blasters, shields, spears, swords, helmets,
and various other forms of arsenal. This was not what
Billy had planned. This did, however, prove to be his
undoing. "Release my wife, my friends, Hank Williams, my
droid, and others I see fit to pardon, or be destroyed,
Bubba!" But, the gangster only laughed. "You don't seem
to understand who I am, Jedi." It spoke English!? BILLY
WAS STUNNED! Billy, Kate, See-Thru, and if he had been
able to, what with being frozen inside of a carbonite
block and resting in a hole in a wall and all, Hank
watched in amazement as a seam opened up in Bubba the
Fett's skin! Steam, slime, and green smoke hissed from
the deflating form of Bubba. The false skin fell away to
reveal what appeared to be a man's torso surgically
grafted onto a snake's body! BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!









BILLY WAS STUNNED! He stared into the creature's
face. One eye was covered with what appeared to be some
sort of vein-covered green root, in which the dilating
pupil resided within a pool of yellow liquid. One of its
arms was covered with the same green vein material. Other
than the snake portion of its body, he looked like your
average Joe from an alternate, albeit parallel, universe.
"Know that I am the being men once worshiped as
Golobulus," the creature spoke with the voice of Burgess
Meredith. "Men had thought that they had gotten rid of
me. Nay, I was working on a second attempt to warp
humanity's minds with cable tv when the Daleks arrived.
The Jedi had assumed that the Daleks had put me out of the
way to further their own desires. However, I resided
within the skin that the Daleks provided for me. Working
as their agent, I eliminated Earth resistance to the
Daleks, while secretly working to overthrow them and wrest
control of not only the planet but the universe! As the
Jedi that you seem to hold claim to, it is your sworn duty
to defeat me. But, as you will see, it is I who will
eliminate the last Jedi. You and the furry one will be
taken to the Pit and fed to the Sarlacc, and I will keep
the female, Williams, and the droid; they please me. And
there is nothing that you can do about it!" At the wave
of his hands, the imperial guards pounced on Billy who was
indeed helpless, buried beneath the mound of guards and
their weapons and armor. Other guards brought Chewie
before Golobulus. "OBLITERATE THEM!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Before long, Billy and Chewie found themselves
standing on an air skiff, piloted by Zanzibar, floating
above the deadly, man-eating Sarlacc's pit! Golobulus was
watching the display safely from his Sail Barge. He
fielded a report before continuing with the execution. It
seemed that the Rancor monster keeper was dissatisfied
that the creature had not been fed the prisoners as per
ritual. Apparently, Golobulus had forgotten to drop Billy
into a pit either before him, or in the case of the toy
based on his throne, below him. However, Golobulus wasn't
the kind of cruel tyrant to let his pets go hungry. He
ordered the Rancor monster keeper fed to the Rancor
monster, and then ordered Billy to be dropped into the
Sarlacc pit! At that signal, the panel set into Billy's
recently attached bionic hand opened up, revealing his
Chain Sword within. Pneumatic vents shot the saber out
into his hand and closed the panel. The Chain Sword lit
into life, and Bubba's guards were destroyed! At that
cue, Recondo, disguised as one of the guards on the skiff,
leapt into the fray to deal with the advancing army of
action figures taking to the bridge.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!









A blast rocked the ship! At Golobulus's command,
Sail Barge guns were firing at them. Chewie tumbled
overboard and into the waiting mouth of the Sarlacc! The
creature chewed Chewie up, and spat him out like the glob
of saliva ridden tobacco leaves that he deserved to be!
The glob flew over the horizon, and landed with such a
splat that even the motley crew left behind at the palace
could hear it. "Never mind Chewie now!" Recondo called
over to Billy. "You get used to things like that
happening to you when you're nothing but animated tobacco!
He lets that happen to himself all the time just for kicks
back when Hank and I were partners in crime! He'll be all
right; they regenerate! Go get the others and deal with
Bubba!" "He's actually Golobulus in disguise! You take
control of the skiff. We'll need some way to escape!"
Using what he knew of the Force powers, Billy leapt onto
the Sail Barge and attacked the crewmen fearlessly. The
deck became awash in poor-selling action figures! Billy
worked his way to Golobulus's room, only to find Gonzo,
the Muppet, pecking out one of See-Thru's sensors and Kate
having strangled Golobulus with the snake portion of its
own body! "He wouldn't keep his hands nor his tail to
itself!" "Come on, you two! We're getting out... NOW!"
Recondo, having taken control of the skiff, guided it over
to the deck of the devastated Sail Barge. "Go on, Kate!
Golobulus is finished. I'm just going to leave a little
message to the Daleks!" Kate and the droid escaped onto
the skiff, while Billy blasted the ship ( not the skiff )
with its own gun! Billy leapt to the speeding escape
skiff as the pleasure barge exploded in flames!
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"I didn't think we'd get out of that one as easily as
we did." Recondo breathed a sigh of relief as he brought
the skiff hovering above the spot of goo that Chewie had
become upon striking the ground. Already, the creature
had started regenerating its arms. "So, where's Hank?"
"Hank?" "Hank?" HANK! They had forgotten all about him!
Recondo scooped up what remained of Chewie and sped for
the palace. "I don't think this will do much good," Kate,
like the woman she was, voiced her opinion. "I tried to
tell you, but the sound of the deck guns firing into the
Sail Barge drowned out my feeble words. Hank had been
moved to the barge! Golobulus liked trundling it around
with him wherever he went! HANK WENT UP WITH THE BARGE!"
BILLY WAS STUNNED! BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Billy was stunned at the sight of the wreckage formed
by the downed barge. "Somewhere within all that rubble is
our possible friend and definite key pawn in our next move
against the Empire. We've got to find him!" "It won't be
that difficult," Recondo piped up. "Watch." Recondo








raised his hands above his head, and clapped. There was
an immediate response from the rubble. Debris fell away
as the carbonite block containing Hank floated up from the
twisted metal and hovered over to the waiting Recondo.
BILLY WAS STUNNED! "Ha! A Clapper Hand of Omega!" Kate
angrily rushed over to Recondo and clutched at his lapels.
"You mean to tell me that you could have saved us all this
trouble by just clapping at any time?" "Not at any time.
Only when it was funny." Kate let go of Recondo.
"Spielberg's lawyers will see you later about lifting that
joke." "What's all the fuss about? It's easy to free
Hank now." Recondo threw the switch frozen into the side
of the block. With a loud BOUSHH!, the carbonite melted
away, freeing Hank who freely fell and sunk into the sand
beneath him. Recondo quickly began trying to extract his
friend. "Help with Hank, Kate," Billy began. "I'll
rejoin you with the Rebel Alliance later. I have to visit
Dago-BAH!, and speak with Vigoda." With that, Billy gave
Kate a jocular punch in the mouth.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"So, what brings you back to me on a night like this,
the night when I will surely die? You've already finished
MOST of the training, so what could you want... as if I
couldn't guess!?" Abe Vigoda was dying. He was going on
800, and at that age, after having been Fish, twice,
helping to create a religion, and training people to fight
two different invasions, he felt he had accomplished
enough in his life. He had little left to live for, what
with the pathetic failure that Billy had become as a Jedi.
So, why should he go on living? He made the decision last
night, and is now in the throes of death. Still, Billy
had a burning question, as well as a torch, to give the
old man before he died. "What about the Guide... Van
Vader?" Vigoda grew sad. "His father you aren't. Your
stepson he is. But, face him you must, Billy, for the
book. The book means more than just your return home.
UGH! You- you know you have to do!" "Yes. I know."
With that, Vigoda weakly raised some sort of audio
recording device and placed it softly into Billy's hand.
"Go! I'll last until you're finished." Billy clutched
the device, shook his head at the old Jedi, and went off.
Sometime later, Billy returned and gave the device back to
Vigoda, minus the cassette he made which he kept... per
his father's instructions! Vigoda gave one last piece of
advice to Billy before dying. "Of the Emperor beware, or
the dark side of the Force will he turn you- like Vader!
The last of the Jedi... are you!" BILLY WAS STUNNED! "I
don't believe that bilge water for a second! I'm not this
Last Jedi!" With that, Vigoda grew sad and then grew
dead. Vigoda's body gave up its ghost to join the Force.
Billy shut the corpse's eyes, and then poked them out with
glee! "Then it is I who must face Lord Vader? Then it is








I who must face Lord Vader! EXCELLENT!" Billy stripped,
threw his clothes into his X-wing, boarded, and left
Dago-BAH!, not the kind of planet that one would expect a
famous actor to die on. BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Billy returned to Rebel Headquarters in time to
fondle his wife's ass before the surprising news came from
Mommy Mothra, the moth creature who was leading the
Alliance. "Our agents have reported that the Daleks have
increased their production of new Daleks, and have nearly
finished amassing at Endure. Also, and this is the most
important piece of information, the Emperor Dalek is
reportedly aboard!" Rebel murmurs filled the debriefing
chamber. "We are sending our entire fleet. If we
eliminate the Emperor, the heart of the Empire, the rest
of the Daleks should crumble, or at least be easy
targets... if we can also eliminate Van Vader. The
construction fleet is protected by a deflector shield,
emanating from Endure. It's good to have Williams back,
since he will lead a strike team to shut it down, which is
also why I have upgraded him to general. After that, our
fleet, led by also recently upgraded General Recondo
Calrissian, will be permitted to attack. Good luck, and
may the Force be with us!" As the gathered Rebels
shuffled off to Buffalo or their assigned posts, whichever
was closer, Billy broke the death grip he know had on his
wife's behind and worked his way over to Hank. Much to
the pilot's dismay, Billy wanted to join his wife, Hank,
Chewie, and See-Thru on their mission down to Endure.
There was something he had to do; Vader might on Endure!
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Hank piloted a stolen Imperial Dalek shuttle craft
towards Endure. "This baby may not be as fast as the
Millennium Falcon, Chewie, but it'll have to do. It would
be quite difficult to smuggle the Falcon past the Dalek
deflector shield!" Hank paused, reflecting on his last
statement and going over a new song forming in the
subconscious portion of his mind. "I really don't know
why I said that without any sort of provocation
whatsoever. By the way, Chewie. I really must compliment
you on your newest regeneration. This time, I can't even
tell you were eaten up!" Chewie blushed, although you
couldn't tell it by the black hue of his tobacco flesh.
Hank ran another scan of the instrument panel. "We're
approaching the planet's deflector shield, protecting the
planet from outsiders and the deflector shield generator
itself, protecting the fledgling Death Star as well. Get
ready to transmit the clearance code, Chewie." "I hope
that secret code we managed to glean from defeated Dalek
databases works!" Kate worried. Suddenly, the radio
crackled to life. "THIS-IS-DEFLECTOR-SHIELD-ALPHA-








CONTROL. IMPERIAL-SHUTTLE-CRAFT-0110-0000, IDENTIFY-
YOURSELF-BY-TRANSMITTING-SECURITY-CLEARANCE-CODE-NOW."
The humans in the craft waited breathlessly for what
seemed like hours as the Daleks on Endure examined the
received code. "CLEARANCE-GRANTED." The shield above
Endure opened for them. "WE DID IT!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Van Vader entered the Emperor's recently completed
throne room chamber on the Death Star. He stood before
the huge Emperor Dalek shell as he waited for the gold and
white Imperial guard Daleks to leave him and the Emperor
alone to stand watch outside the entrance. He kneeled.
"A small Rebel force has landed on Endure, my Master.
Billy... my stepfather... is among them. I felt him."
"AS-DID-I. YES, I-KNOW. WE-DETECTED-THE-ANOMALY-
INSTANTLY. THE-SHUTTLE-CRAFT-TRANSMITTED-AN-OLDER-CODE.
THE-PLANTED-CODE-WORKED. THE-REBELS-WILL-SOON-TROUBLE-US-
NO-MORE." "May I please know what the plan and ultimate
goal is, Master?" The Emperor paused. "YOU-MUST-GO-TO-
ENDURE, AND-WAIT-FOR-BILLY. HE-WILL-COME-TO-YOU,
SEARCHING-FOR-THE-GUIDE-WE-TOOK-FROM-THE-CORPSE-OF-KENOBI.
YOU-WILL-THEN-BRING-HIM-TO-ME. TOGETHER, WE-WILL-EITHER-
TURN-HIM-TO-THE-DARK-SIDE-OF-THE-FORCE-OR-DESTROY-HIM!"
"Yes, my Master!" "YOU-WILL-THEN-KNOW-ALL-THAT-YOU-NEED-
TO-KNOW." Vader rose, and bowed before his potentate.
"Thank you, your Highness! I leave for Endure at once!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

No sooner had Hank and his strike team landed on
Endure, when they ran into trouble. They were suddenly
surrounded by crude spears held by tiny bear-like
warriors. Billy thought they were this universe's
manifestations of those good luck trolls that they made
back in the sixties, when the awful realization hit him!
These creatures, Chewingtobacco, they were... MOGWAI!
Endure was a planet loaded to the gills with Mogwai, and
their trusted companion was nothing but a giant example
( albeit he was made from tobacco ). He must have been an
acromegalic. Billy laughed with growing insanity.
"Mogwai. Ha, ha, HA! MOGWAI! I'M SURROUNDED BY MOGWAI!
A whole planet full of the disgusting creatures! And I
bet they're ruled by a strange Chinaman! And, they're
mean like Stripe, Shemp, and the rest!" Billy put his
hands to his temples. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" One of
the Mogwai jabbed Billy in the ribs with its spear,
drawing blood. "OUCH! That actually hurt. Why, you
dumb-" See-Thru translated the irate attacker's squeaky
language. "They say that Williams, Kate, and you, sir,
are they're prisoners, and that prisoners will keep quite.
After all, they say, you've already done enough shouting.
That's why you're their prisoners. Shouting in a








consecrated forest such as this one appears to be is an
unpardonable crime in their society. And, as such, you
will be slaughtered and served to their young... as, oddly
enough, corned beef. Do you have any idea what this
means, sir?" BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"We're they're prisoners?" Hank muttered as the
Mogwai covered him, Billy, and Kate with a large mesh net,
tying the three to spits. "What about you, goldenrod?"
"Chewingtobacco and I are their guests. Chewie seems to
be some sort of long, lost prodigal son. They're
welcoming him back after his heroic battles against the
Daleks who have now invaded the sanctity of their planet.
I, it seems, am some sort of god to them." "Well, why
don't you or Chewie tell them to set us free?" Billy
called through the mesh in his mouth. "We tried. Your
shouting crimes are too grievous to forgive. And, they're
going to sacrifice you to me in some sort of
transformation\fertility right to convert themselves into
giants such Chewingtobacco and then into some sort of
horrible lizard creatures to fight the Daleks! Oh, dear.
There's nothing I can do, sir!" "Oh, great!" Hank shouted
as they were led away to the Mogwai village, high in the
trees of the sacred forest that they had earlier defiled.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

The Mogwai chief, Wicket, who walked about with a
cricket bat for a cane, sharpening two large carving
knives gave Billy an idea about how to escape.
"See-Thru-B-O, tell them if they don't release us, you'll
become angry and use your great magic." "But, Master
Billy," See-Thru said from the makeshift wooden throne
that the Mogwai had constructed for him. "What magic? I
don't... HELP!" "I know you don't help, See-Thru! Now,
shut up so that I can concentrate!" Using the Force,
Billy lifted See-Thru over the now frightened Mogwai's
heads. They chattered nervously amongst themselves, as
Billy used the Force to alter probability and cause
powerfully, wafting odors to emanate from See-Thru,
knocking all of the Mogwai unconscious. Taking a cue from
his own hated Mogwai, Groucho, Billy used his mental
powers to enthrall the tiny creatures' even tinier minds.
"See-Thru, Chewie. Help us out of these bonds. When they
regain consciousness, they will vow to help us fight the
Empire, and not eat any corned beef!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Later that night, it was as Billy had said. The
Mogwai made a solemn oath to help fight the Daleks, and
swore off of corned beef. Billy sat alone along the edge
of the tree city. Looking up into the night, he could see








the form of the Death Star and the construction ships
making the final adjustments. It had to happen soon, or
the Rebels would be lost. He had no choice. He had hoped
that Vader would come to him. But, if the Rebellion would
have any chance of winning, they must attack before the
battle station was complete. He had to go to Vader, and
he didn't like the prospect! The memories of what
happened as a result of their last encounter still loomed
painfully in his mind. He absentmindedly flexed and
relaxed his bionic hand. Kate, noticing the wandering
loneliness of her mate, saddled up to him. "A penny for
your thoughts, since that's all they're worth." "I have
to do something, Kate, and I don't really want to do it.
I'm... afraid. For the first time that I'll really admit,
I'm terrified. Vader all but tore me apart the last time
we met. And he would have taken me to the Emperor had it
not been for my father's help once again. They're nearing
completion on the Death Star. We must attack before they
do. In order to do that, I must face Vader... alone, and
on his terms... before I'm ready! And, I may not be
coming back!" Kate drew herself closer to him. "Then
don't go! I can't bear to be without you! We've been
through so much together." "I have to go. The Empire
must be destroyed so that the children of this reality can
go to sleep at night without the fear of constant
oppression. I must defeat Vader and Emperor if we're ever
to get our hands on the Guide that can send us home."
"Just get another Guide!" "Can't. Remember, the Daleks
hold control of all the publishing houses." "THEN TAKE ME
WITH YOU!" Kate was almost hysterical by now. "I can't
put you in that kind of danger, Kate. I can't have
another Dr. Wily fiasco forced upon you again! Somehow,
even if it may mean my death, I'll get the Guide back to
you somehow, so that Jason can be raised by at least one
of its natural parents. I have to go... alone... and I
may not be coming back..." Kate was silent for the
longest time. "Then... make love to me for what may be...
THE FINAL TIME..." The pair of lovers climbed down the
tree, found a nice patch of sand, which was an odd thing
to find in a forest, and settled down, stripped bare, and
made love, Kate's sharp cries rising loudly into the
forest night. The only evidence left behind was an
impression of Kate's ass in the sand, and a wet spot left
behind by Kate. BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

No one noticed that Billy had slipped out of camp
earlier that morning. He was even able to slip past Kate,
who had fallen asleep curled around his chest. Once again
employing the power of the Force, Billy worked his way
through the dense flora of Endure and to the large bunker
that served as the deflector shield generator for both the
moon itself and the Death Star. He made the job that much
easier by waltzing up to the Daleks patrolling the bunker.








"DO-NOT-MOVE! DO-NOT-MOVE! DO-NOT-MOVE! YOU-ARE-OUR-
PRISONER! YOU-WILL-BE-INTERROGATED!" Billy raised his
hands above his head. "By Vader I hope." The Daleks led
Billy away to a cell within the bunker. The next day, Van
Vader arrived at the Imperial base on Endure. His captors
brought Billy before him. "Ah, young Peltzer. The
Emperor told me you'd seek me out." "I surrendered so I
could speak with you... stepson, for lack of a better
term. There is still good in you; I felt it." "Right
after I snapped your pathetically brittle spine I
suppose?" Vader taunted him sarcastically. "The Emperor
hasn't driven you fully towards evil. I can help you turn
away from the Dark Side!" Vader remained silent for a
painfully long time. "Who says I want to?" "I do." "We
shall see, young one. We shall see. Someone has filled
your mind with foolish ideas. The Emperor will show you
the true nature of the Force... its DARK SIDE! Come."
Vader headed for his shuttle back to the Death Star, and
then Billy's guards led him into it.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Hank and his troops were attempting to overpower the
Daleks guarding the deflector generator. "THIS WOULD BE A
WHOLE LOT EASIER IF BILLY WERE HERE!" he shouted as he
blasted an advancing Dalek in its dome. "He had to go off
and face Vader!" Kate responded as she did her part in the
conflict by bedazzling a Dalek with her bare breasts; its
computer couldn't find any sort of logic behind such a
dangerous and silly move to attempt in battle and fried
its own circuits when it couldn't devise a meaning from
it. "I don't think this will work!" "Nothing to it,
Kate. As long as you incorporate those lovely ta-ta's of
yours, we'll have that shield down in now time!" "Still I
wish Chewie was here with us!" "He's-" "HANDS-UP,
YOU-REBEL-BUM!" a Dalek voice above him interrupted Hank.
He spun around to see dozens of Dalek garrisons on
specially designed speeder bike craft pointing their
bike's front lasers at them. "We're surrounded! These
hovering Daleks must have been waiting in the trees for us
to try and take the front guards. We were set up!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Daleks led Billy, with Vader in tow, to the Emperor's
throne room. Billy looked up at the massive Dalek that
loomed before him... THE EMPEROR! It was about 25 feet
tall, and vaguely Dalek shaped. It was missing the
ambulatory and weaponry arms; it was immobile, and
therefore had no use for them. A series of globes, fewer
and larger than the regular Daleks', ran along the base.
Various metal grooves had been craved into its casing.
The grill below its dome was vaguely trapezoidal, with the
metal gullies leading up and partially over the dome. The








top of the grill was a simple Dalek dome. The dome had no
flashing speech lamps, and one massive eye stalk leading
out from it. Large hoses and wires ran into its base,
supplying it with nourishment and other fluids of life,
incoming data from every portion of the Dalek Empire, and
providing an outlet for its commands to its forces. All
Billy could do for the moment was stare up at the vast
Emperor Dalek before him. BILLY WAS STUNNED! He wanted
to say something like, "Look at the size of those balls!"
but resisted and stuck to the script instead. "Damn,
you're a big one!" BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

At the sound of Billy's voice, the Emperor swung its
huge eye stalk in his direction. "AH, BILLY. YOU-HAVE-
ARRIVED-AGAIN." Again? "YOUR-APPEARANCE-HERE-IS-AS-
CONSTANT-AS-YOUR-INTELLIGENCE!" Suddenly, to Billy vast,
stunned surprise, the Emperor Dalek split down the middle!
The sides of the Emperor Dalek's casing parted. Within,
resting on a large cube shaped platform, was a smaller
more vaguely Dalek like machine... the true Emperor Dalek!
It had the normal 52 globes. It was colored gold and
white like the Imperial Dalek guards. It, too, was
missing the two arms normally associated with Daleks. The
grill was replaced with a raised platform that jutted
outwards slightly. The dome was more of a round globe,
like the ones about its base only larger, covering almost
all of the platform. It had no eye stalk. An illuminated
plate, with a flash of light traveling across it every so
often, served as its source of vision. This Emperor Dalek
had speech bulbs on its head, but they were different from
its normal Daleks'. What appeared to be Pringles can lids
were set into and through the middle of the lamps. The
Dalek rested on top of a raised dais on the platform.
Fifty two various smaller hoses ran into the globes set
into its base. The hoses retreated from their globes and
into their resting places within the larger shell. The
dais fell into the base of the earlier Emperor Dalek's
shell. This smaller Emperor Dalek was mobile, as it
proved when it moved about on a base like the other Daleks
did. It trundled on to a ramp that fell from the base set
into the larger Emperor, and glided up to Billy. BILLY
WAS ONCE AGAIN STUNNED! BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"IMPERIAL-GUARDS, LEAVE-US!" it spoke with a more
human-sounding voice than your average Dalek. The gold
and white Daleks in the room left via the elevator that
Billy and Vader had used to enter. The door slid quietly
shut. "WELCOME, YOUNG-JEDI. I-LOOK-FORWARD-TO-
COMPLETING-YOUR-TRAINING." "Look! I keep telling people,
I'm not the last Jedi! The last Jedi, Vigoda, died just
the other day." "VADER-AND-I-KNOW. WE-FELT-IT-IN-THE-
FORCE. BUT, THAT-DOES-NOT-MATTER-NOW. THE-DALEK-ARMY-








NEEDS-YOU, BILLY-PELTZER. SOON, YOU-WILL-CALL-ME...
MASTER!" "You're mistaken. You and this entire Death
Star will be destroyed! Soon I will be dead, and you with
me!" "NO! IT-IS-YOU-WHO-ARE-MISTAKEN!" the Emperor's
voice was gradually rising, becoming more human, almost...
angry. "THE-FIRST-DEATH-STAR-WAS-A-SIMPLE-WEAPON,
DESIGNED-ONLY-TO-DESTROY-THE-REBELS! THIS-DEATH-STAR-
WILL-CONQUER-ALL-OF-EXISTENCE!" "Where have I heard those
words before?" Billy asked, dripping with sarcasm ( his
words, not Billy himself ). "SILENCE! THE-REBEL-ATTACK-
IS-DOOMED!" BILLY WAS STUNNED! "YES, I'VE-KNOWN-ABOUT-
YOUR-PLANNED-ATTACK-FOR-SOME-TIME-NOW, SINCE-IT-WAS-I-WHO-
INSTIGATED-IT! IT-WAS-I-WHO-ALLOWED-THE-ALLIANCE-TO-
LEARN-OF-THE-NEW-DEATH-STAR, AND-THE-CLEARANCE-CODE-PAST-
THE-DEFLECTOR-SHIELD-ON-ENDURE. YOUR-FRIENDS-ARE-WALKING-
INTO-A-TRAP-OF-MY-DEVISING! I'M-AFRAID-THE-DEFLECTOR-
SHIELD-WILL-BE-QUITE-OPERATIONAL-BY-THE-TIME-YOUR-FRIENDS-
ARRIVE. AND-YOU, BILLY-PELTZER, WILL-EITHER-HELP-US-OR-
BE-DESTROYED!" "Neither will happen, Emperor." "IT-
SHALL! YOU-HAVE-CONFOUNDED-ME-FOR-THE-LAST-TIME!" Billy
was stunned when the front of the Emperor Dalek's dome
rose back on a hinge to reveal the ugly, grotesque head
of... "Dr. Wily! I should have known!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Some enhancements had been made to the good doctor's
head since their last encounter two years ago. In fact,
the major difference was that his head was all that was
left of him. Wires, hoses, and pipes led into Dr. Wily's
neck, providing it with nutrients and support. A main
strut held his head in the relative center of the space
carved into the Emperor Dalek's dome. His eyes appeared
to have been fused shut. A wired device led under his
chin from a block of metal rising along the back of his
skull. Wires led to the bottom of his ear lobes. Four
small metal pipes with metal sensors at the ends rested on
his temples. The hole in his head made by the flare had
been filled with a cylindrical metal tube that led out
from the metal block behind his head. Within his skull,
wires led out into the damaged portions of his brain and
into his optic nerves, ears and mouth. A blue sensor,
acting as an eye, was attached to the portion of the
cylinder sticking out in the front from the hole in his
head. Wire coils, much like those leading to his
earlobes, led away from the mechanical eye and to the
metal block. Dr. William Douglas Wily was back, more
grotesque than ever before! BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"I see you've discarded the last vestige of your
human form. It's still no improvement!" A noticeable
look of disgust crossed Dr. Wily's twisted face. "Save
your insolence for the weak-minded, Billy!" "You're not








going to survive a second time, Wily!" "Are you
threatening me? If so, it is most unwise!" "Last time
our paths crossed, I blew a hole in your head with a flare
gun!" "Yes, you did. And, if I were an ordinarily
disgusting human being, I would be angry at you. But I,
however, am above my fellow contemporaries. I actually
thank you." "You thank me for making you... THIS?" "Yes,
I do! You have removed most of the one thing I hated
about myself... my body! I am now almost entirely like
the machines that I praise. By killing me, you have, in
fact, delivered into the hands that I once had the means
to ultimately destroy mankind! But perhaps, you'd
probably like to hear how I am once again here to torment
you, after, as you put it, you blew a hole in my head. I
cannot say what transpired immediately after my death, but
I can offer my theories, which must be undoubtedly correct
since I am such a genius. Think, Billy Peltzer. Think
back two years ago. Back into the building you eventually
recognized as the remains of Dory's Pub. Think back to
it." A vague, hazy image of the pub, or what was left
that was still recognizable after Wily's tampering, filled
his mind. There was the bar itself, what appeared to be
the place where the overhead Gremlin fan that Kate had
told him about had once been, the exit point of the
Batpoles, the complexly complicated machine that served as
the entrance to and from this alternate Earth reality, the
entrance to the room where he and Rand I had been tied up
by Umlaut during the "Night of the Living Dead," the...
"The complexly complicated machine that served as the
entrance to and from this alternate Earth reality! It
wasn't there! It was gone!" BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"Very good, SIR! You're finally learning to
incorporate the vast powers of the mind that I possess and
that anyone can who will just work for it. Obi Wan and
Vigoda have taught you well, and even your fathers must be
given credit. They have turned an idiot like you into a
force to be reckoned with. Even now, you're becoming a
thorn in my side once again! But this time, I have been
given a reprieve! This time, I won't fall to hubris and
pride! You will serve me or die! Yes, it was I who
removed the dimensional stabilizer from the tavern! When
Dory put it in there, she didn't even know what she had
her hands on! She thought it was some new kind of nuclear
slot machine! It was actually designed by scientists from
this dimension who worked on The Hitch-hikers' Guide to
the Galaxy and sent it to our world to try and further
peaceful relations with us. Unfortunately, it fell into
the hands of the idiotic denizens of Kingston Falls! That
was why I had to take control of the town. I needed the
vast dimensional energies of the device to convert Kate's
child into Quantum-Man and then project it back into the
past. Luckily, I think it proved to be my salvation as








well!" BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"Some sort of chain reaction probably built up in the
reactor I had set up, a chain reaction that proceeded to
destroy the city. While you and she were undoubtedly
fleeing for your miserable, little lives, you left my body
to burn up in the nuclear fires that were sure to follow.
However, evil such as mine cannot die so easily! You
should have disposed of my corpse yourself, since I found
myself later revived! Before the reactor went up, a
series of smaller explosions must have rocked my
laboratory. These explosions must have thrown my body
into the still active dimensional stabilizer that was
powering my time projection device! My body would have
been hurled through the fragile gate that bridges these
two worlds. But, before I could be deposited into the
Dory's pub of this alternate Earth, the main reactor must
have gone meltdown, destroying my devices, the dimensional
stabilizer, and the city itself! Remember when I said
that time travel was impossible, I must admit I was wrong,
and gladly will when I am. I was wrong. Time travel is
impossible by the current level of technology humans
possess. We were limited to Einstein's theories and
thinkings. When the reactor went up, a large blast of
nuclear energy probably flowed into the dimensional
stabilizer before the main thrust of the explosion
destroyed it. The added energy, combined with the already
existing energies of the dimensional gateway, destroyed
it, probably releasing a wave of quantum energy more
powerful than the comets striking Jupiter, which I'm sure
must have hit in your reality by now!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"Caught in transit, my body, or at least what was
left of my brain, must have miraculously survived the
explosion, and was dumped into this future, into the
laboratory of a scientist named Davros. At this point, I
was revived, and so know of what I speak. As I later
learned, he was a cybernetics and robotics genius equal to
my own! He came upon my remains and hooked me up to one
of his experimental life support systems. I was revived,
but slightly worse for wear. Having been dead for as long
as I was, certain portions of my brain were useless due to
oxygen deprivation. Davros replaced those brain cells,
like my motory and autonomous functions, with mechanical
supplements. Thankfully, the right side of my brain was
undamaged. Under my tutelage, Davros designed better life
support systems from his already adequate creations, until
he finally developed the one you see before you. I would
have simply chosen to remove my anthropomorphic form, had
I had the choice, but I did not! My body had been
destroyed beyond repair by the explosion between our








dimensions. It was a miracle what Davros did with what
little was left of me. As such, I gave him a fitting
reward... I turned him into my first Dalek!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"Golobulus's cable tv turned this reality's men's
minds away from public tv, and so 'Doctor Who' faded into
the realm of obscurity, much to man's dismay! Davros was
also a genetics genius. After reviving in my new body, I
began absorbing all the data on what happened during my
absence. I soon realized by the subtle differences
between what I knew and what I learned, I was in the
alternate Earth reality, however I couldn't detect the
existence of the energy trace generated by the gate
between our Earths, leading me to my conclusions on my
miraculous survival. It is my opinion that the gateway
between our realities that once existed in Kingston Falls
is no longer solid, as I'm sure the city itself isn't.
However I may survived is moot! I survived, and given a
second chance at saving humanity; THAT'S WHAT IS
IMPORTANT! And I decided that the best way is to destroy
it! So, I altered Davros's life support units and my own
into the Dalek designed by Raymond Cusick. Using Davros's
notes on genetics that I had absorbed, I converted him
into my first Dalek, much like I have done with your
stepson, only he's bionicly and not genetically
converted!" BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

VAN VADER WAS STUNNED! "You mean, you're the one
that did this to me?" Dr. Wily turned towards his
creation. "No! This is all Billy's fault! I had meant
to use you as the tool for humanity's salvation. I had to
alter you cybernetically to survive the time journey. I
meant to send you back to the beginning of humanity and
save it from itself. YOU WERE TO BE A GOD! However, HIS
interfering resulted in incorrect coordinates being fed
into you. Before you disappeared, your form was split
into two separate entities, your mechanical half and your
flesh half. Your flesh side later landed here with me. I
can only assume that your mechanical portion was sent back
into the past. I had to keep these things secret from
you. Had I not, you may have turned your powers against
me, when it is Billy Peltzer who is the true source of all
you... OUR pain, suffering, and sorrow!" "But why the
Earth?" Billy asked. "What did IT ever do to you?" "IT
HARBORS THE HUMAN RACE! After I had genetically created
enough Daleks to form a tiny force, I went to Earth to
bolster them even more. First, I dropped bombs on Africa
and eliminated a large portion of its useless populace!
The rest I rounded up and converted into Daleks. With
that force, it was easy to capture and convert most of the
rest of the Earth's inhabitants. I had done it! I had








saved humanity from itself by forcing it to obey me! I
converted them into mindless robots who only obey! The
rest of Earth's rabble meant nothing to me. I irradiated
the planet into a barren desert! AH, HA, HA, HA!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

BILLY WAS STUNNED! "You are insane, Dr. Wily! Even
more then when I blew out what little part of your brain
wasn't!" "AND IT IS YOUR FAULT THAT I'M LIKE THAT!" Dr.
Wily shouted as he rounded on Billy. "YOU MADE ME LIKE
THIS! YOU MADE VADER LIKE THAT! I detected a tear in the
fabric of time and space, and found that it converged on
the portion of this reality's Earth where Dory's Pub stood
in ours. I then found what I thought at the time was
Chuck, and that he had miraculously survived like I did.
Then, I ruled that out. Chuck had already been changed
into a cyborg at my hands, and the one I found was flesh.
However, it may have been his son, your stepson... KATE'S
SON! A subdermal, molecular scan showed evidence of some
sort of severe surgical trauma. I put two and two
together, got four, and deduced that it was the fleshy
portion of Quantum-Man. I theorized that he must have
crashed into the Earth, and that severely damaged him.
Yet, he still lived, barely... unlike myself. So, I
converted him into a cyborg, much like myself. A scan of
the fabric of time revealed some sort of major upheaval in
the quantum stream... not once but twice! In fact,
multiple times! You see, it seems that a certain traveler
changed time for the better once. However, in the new
time line, one event was altered. A certain set of time
and space coordinates was changed into a voluptuous
woman's measurements!" BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Once again... BILLY WAS STUNNED! "NO! You can't
mean-" "OF COURSE I MEAN IT! It's all your fault! The
two time lines tried to coexist in the same space. Time
tried to repair itself, resulting in the death of Earth
and the end everything else many, many times before time
created a slightly different version of Earth and made a
nearly correct copy of it, bridging the copying medium
between the two! YES, BILLY PELTZER! YOU CREATED THIS
WORLD! YOU CREATED THIS ALTERNATE EARTH REALITY! AND,
YOU CREATED THE CREATURE THAT HAS CONQUERED IT... ME! ALL
AT THE COST OF OUR OWN REALITY!" Billy was crushed! That
was what Ben had meant aboard the Falcon. That was Rand I
had talked about after Vader had all but crushed him. He
hadn't become the Earth's savior as he had been raised to
be. By following his own beliefs for what his life should
become, Billy had become its destroyer!
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!









Dr. Wily was beaming with joy. "How does it feel to
know that you have destroyed a universe of lives and
worlds? How does it feel to have two of those lives
before you, cursing your very existence?! And, there's
nothing that you can do about it! It has fallen down to
me to save humanity once again! There are two separate
versions of reality, this one and yours. After finding
myself here, I set about to conquer all its life forms so
that I could save them... all this was done for a single
reason! I've constructed this Death Star for one purpose.
Come!" Dr. Wily led Billy and Vader to a vast pit in an
adjoining room. Billy and Vader stared down into it to
see a bright power source, seething with energy at the
very bottom. "I've had Dalek scientists construct a
device of my design, similar to the time projector I had
hoped to use to save humanity with Quantum-Man. That is
why I have hidden so much from you, Van Vader, my loyal
servant. I felt that if you were to know this, you would
blame me for your condition, for all of your pain in
absence of the true source, Billy Peltzer. But now, you
know nearly everything that you need to. BRING ME A COPY
OF THE HITCH-HIKERS' GUIDE TO THE GALAXY!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

As Vader went off to fetch a copy of the book, Dr.
Wily turned Billy's attention to a glass view plate. On
the horizon of space, tiny specks appeared, rapidly
growing larger. The Rebel fleet, with the Millennium
Falcon in the lead, was racing towards the Death Star.
Recondo checked his instruments. Something wasn't right.
"That's odd. How can this be? Hank and his group haven't
reported in yet. But- Something's wrong!" Recondo
steered the ship sharply away and called into the comlink.
"All craft pull up! Evasive action! It's a trap! The
shield's down!" "But, isn't that the way it's supposed to
work? You know, attacking the enemy when their guard is
down, and all that?" Recondo's Chinese walrus co-pilot
mumbled in its crazed tongue. "Yes, but Hank hasn't
reported in yet. If he had successfully brought down the
deflector shield, he would have informed us. No, it's a
trap. See!?" Recondo pointed at the view screen.
Hundreds of Imperial TITHE fighters zoomed out of the
Death Star and attacked the Rebels!
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Dr. Wily beamed with glee. "Your fleet and your
friends are lost!" One of Dr. Wily's internal sensors
registered the completion of the final Dalek. It rolled
off of the assembly line and awaited its first
instructions. "Good. Report to the throne room...
IMMEDIATELY! Activate the deflector shield! We'll trap
the Rebel fleet inside, between the Death Star, the








shield, and my TITHE fighters! AH, HA, HA, HA!" Aboard
the main Rebel attack star cruiser, the Alliance's main
tactician ( the Rebels equivalent of the Autobots'
Prowl ), a humanoid squid, listened as Recondo's voice
filled the command center. "Admiral Ackbar, we can't go
forward and now we can't retreat! The Daleks have
re-activated the deflector shield on Endure, trapping us
with the Death Star! It's either be blasted by the TITHE
fighters or be smashed against the invisible shield! Our
only chance is to stand and fight it out!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Van Vader returned with a copy of The Hitch-hikers'
Guide to the Galaxy in his left hand. "Good. Now, then,
Billy Peltzer. It is once again time to choose. I will
not let pride make me fall like before. If you do not
choose to serve me, I will have you destroyed, no
allowances, no desire to have you brought before me again!
As it was before in Kingston Falls, you must choose
between helping me and save yourself, Kate, and two
worlds, or refuse and be destroyed, along with the
possibility of everything else! The bright energy source
in the bottom of the pit before you is something I have
termed the Hand of Omega." Billy laughed to himself. "It
is an energy source equal to that of the dimensional
stabilizer. With that I intend to open the fabric of time
and space and join our two realities, which are just
discontinuous copies of each other! If I do not, the
instability between our two worlds may collapse one or the
other or both! Since I have already done the hard part of
conquering this reality, I will join your reality, and
make it into a copy of this one... I SHALL REPLACE YOUR
IMPERFECT WORLD WITH MY OWN! I SHALL ACHIEVE UNITY!
However, the process is unproven and may cause dire
consequences. You are a rich source of probability, Billy
Peltzer. Only you did not yet know it. Kenobi and Vigoda
helped continue what your first father had started. They
have brought your talent to alter probability to the
surface somewhat by teaching you belief in the Force. You
can use your power to alter reality to make my experiment
definitely work. Either you help me complete it, or I
will kill you and hope for the best. So, it's your
choice. Take the Guide in your hand, and drop it into the
pit so that its dimensional energies can join those of all
the other copies of the Guide that my armies have seized
to power the Hand!" Billy thought for a moment. "Here's
my decision, Wily!" BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Billy opened the panel in his bionic hand and the
pneumatic jets popped the Chain Sword into his hand. He
sliced across Vader's chest, cutting a swath of energy
through the vital cybernetics there. He then directed the








momentum of his blow to the hand that held the Guide.
Billy sliced off Vader's hand! The bionic hand, still
clutching the book, slid over to Billy. Billy looked at
his own bionic hand, and flexed it, noting the irony as he
had told Kate he would eventually do. Vader, what with
missing a hand and suffering severe damage to his
respiration unit, fell to his knees. Dr. Wily rolled up
to Billy. "Good. GOOD! You're becoming more powerful
with each further step into darkness! But I can't have
you turning that power against me! Special Weapons Dalek,
report to the bridge at once!" The door to the bridge
opened, and a different type of Dalek entered the room.
It was gold and white, but its dome was more like the
Emperor's. It had no eye stalk, just the illuminated
panel that the Emperor had. Like the larger Emperor, he
was sans speech lights. Like both Emperors, it didn't
have the two standard arms. Unlike the normal Daleks, it
had only one arm: a large cannon set into its torso! It
turned that large weapon on Billy.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"This is my Special Weapons Dalek... THE ABOMINATION
DALEK!" "Why are you turning this thing on me, the one
who can supposedly complete your plans without a hitch?"
Dr. Wily grinned. "I'm not turning this weapon on you. I
just thought you might like to see an old friend of
yours!" At that, the dome of the Abomination Dalek lifted
up. The grill beneath the dome split down the middle and
the sides parted to reveal the severed head of Obi Wan
Kenobi! "OLD BEN! How? Why?" "Ha! The human brain
needs time to properly incubate successfully into the
Dalek system. I've found that the best way is to
surgically separate the head from the still living subject
and reattach it to the life support systems in the Dalek
shell, becoming much like myself. Later, after sufficient
incubation time has passed, the skull can be surgically
removed from the Dalek system. However, when Vader
discovered a copy of the Guide on Ben's corpse at the
Death Star, I ordered both it and the body brought to me.
I had Ben's dead head removed and placed in this new Dalek
design, the last of my 200,000,000 Dalek army! Since the
head is dead and cannot be removed from this Dalek, I have
dubbed it the Abomination! With this living weapon, I can
easily have total control of the new reality formed by the
merging of our two worlds! It will spearhead the invasion
into your reality once I open the fabric of time and
space! This, also, is your decision. Destroy Vader and
join the Dark Side, taking his place by my side to help me
complete my mission, or allow him to live, forcing the
Abomination to kill you, and I'll just have to trust fate
as to the outcome of my experiments! Vader's already
proven his inability to rule alongside with the Daleks.
Now, he's nothing but a pawn. Either you... or the








Abomination will destroy Vader. But, as before, your fate
and the fate of others rests with you. What is it going
to be, Billy Peltzer?" BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

As Billy was contemplating his decision, he looked
out the view port and saw his friends under Dalek fire.
He was about to answer Dr. Wily when fate made his
decision for him. Actually, Obi Wan Kenobi made it for
him when his ghost appeared behind the Abomination Dalek.
"Use the Force, Billy. Destroy it. DESTROY THE
ABOMINATION! Don't let my body be used for such evil,
such... well, abominations! DESTROY IT!" Billy hefted
his still glowing Chain Sword over his head, singed a few
of the hairs on his ear in the process, and tossed it into
the old man's head residing within the Abomination Dalek
shell! The Chain Sword cut into the brainwashed
reactivated skull, destroying the gray matter within. Dr.
Wily broke into hysterical laughter. "GOOD! You've
killed him! Your hate has made you powerful! Destroy
Vader. DESTROY HIM NOW!" Billy thought for a moment and
threw down his weapon, narrowly missing slicing off three
of his toes. "Never! As much as I hate to admit it, I
guess I am Jedi... like Obi Wan and Vigoda before me!"
Dr. Wily remained silent for the longest time, during
which he ordered the construction of a second Special
Weapons Dalek. "So be it... Jedi." Energy bolts shot
from the 52 globes set into Dr. Wily's Emperor Dalek
shell, hammering Billy to the floor!
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Things looked hopeless for the Rebel fleet, as Dalek
firepower incinerated their numbers. Back on Endure,
things weren't looking any brighter for Hank and his men.
They had held their hands up under Dalek guns for sometime
now and the loss of blood from reduced circulation caused
their arms to tingle. "Now do you wish you'd brought
Chewingtobacco along?" Kate whispered with a hiss of
hatred aimed at Hank. "Not really," was Hank's simple
answer as Chewie and hundreds of Mogwai attacked the
Daleks! They dropped rocks, swung from trees, spat grape
seeds, and threw spears. Not even the Dalek hover bikes,
the AT-ST's ( All Terrain Single-occupancy Transport ),
could stand long against Chewie's strength. It tossed
Daleks about as Hank and Kate broke away to the bunker.
"We've got to get the shields down!" "Then let's do it!"
Hank shouted as he pulled out a 33 1/3 of one of his song
collections and tossed it at the bunker door. The record
smashed into the door, and the metal burst into flames!
Hank and Kate then rushed in with See-Thru who proceeded
to shut off the deflector shields. Both the moon and the
Death Star were now vulnerable and the Rebel fleet was
free! BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!








Aboard the Millennium Falcon, Recondo detected the
failed Death Star shield. "The shield's down!" Just
afterwards, Hank reported in. "Hey, Recondo, old buddy!
Sorry about the delay, but we had a run with some sneaky
Daleks! Go for the Death Star... NOW!" Recondo
responded, "Can't! We fell into a trap. The Empire
caught us between the shield and the Death Star and then
started pelting us with TITHE fighters! We have to pull
out, regroup with the Rebel command and plot anew!" Back
on board the Death Star, Dr. Wily was gloating as he
increased the electrical current flowing into Billy. "I
know what electrical power does to you. It makes you feel
like you're not yourself... not your sex. Well, it's
about time the entire human race felt the same! It's time
for the scum to pay! The piper's price is due! All that
the human being is good for is to become one of my
minions! All they ever did before was reproduce like
viruses! Just look at what Africa was before I destroyed
it. Now, as a wasteland, it serves a better purpose. As
a reminder to what can happen if I let the human race run
rampant like before: reproducing out in the open like
crazy! Lesbianism and homosexuality out of control! Men
need to be brow-beaten to learn to control the lusts of
their flesh! IT'S TIME TO RING IN THE INSANITY, BILLY
PELTZER! AND I'M STARTING WITH YOU, YOU WHO JUST OPENLY
MATES WITH KATE AT ANY TIME THE WRITER RUNS OUT OF JOKES!
DIE, BILLY, DIE! WITH YOUR DEATH, I WILL UNLEASH POWERS
THAT WILL SEND THE VERY HEAVENS THEMSELVES RUSHING TO ME
TO BEG FOR FORGIVENESS! I WILL BECOME A GOD! I WILL BE
GOD! DIE FOR REFUSING ME, FOR DENYING ME, FOR NOT EVEN
GIVING A DAMN WHILE I ROTTED IN LONELINESS. NOT EVEN MY
PARENTS CARED ABOUT ME! AND WITH YOUR DEATH, THE REBIRTH
OF THE HUMAN RACE INTO THE PERFECT PARAGON IT DESERVES TO
BE CAN BEGIN!" Billy weakly stretched a hand out to
Vader. "Stepson, help me! ARGH!" Dr. Wily turned up the
power one more level to its maximum, ready to deal the
final blows, or in this case, flows. Billy could already
sense in the strange changes in his chest and groin!
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Vader, still at his knees, looked up, seeing his
stepfather hurt. Vader rose, and, even with the loss of
one of his hands, seized the wicked ruler of the universe.
The deadly bolts of energy seething from the globes set
into the Emperor's shell now struck the dark lord,
illuminating the various robotic systems in his body and
then his skeleton itself! Vader managed to carry the
Emperor's body, much to its complainants, over to the edge
of the pit leading to the Hand of Omega power source.
Using up almost all of his remaining resources, Vader drew
back and hurled the Emperor into the deep pit! Dr. Wily's
voice grew fainter as he plummeted. "TRAITOR! YOU'RE
DOOMED, TOO! Without my vast brain to guide it, the Death








Star will run amok within the forces of time! Both
worlds... dooooooooooooomed!" The Emperor Dalek plunged
into the heart of the Hand of Omega and was destroyed, its
extra energies mingling with those of the stellar
manipulator. BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Billy, the temporary effects of femininity wearing
off, crawled over to the weak, dying Vader. "I- I knew
there was still some good in you." Vader wheezed through
his failing life support systems. "I only saved you, so
that... so I could eliminate you myself!" Hmmm. This has
to be the shortest paragraph we've seen in a LONG time!
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Vader lunged at Billy, who managed to roll out of the
way. As Vader fell face first into the floor, his mask,
which was already weakened from his attack by Billy and
the jolt he received from rushing the Emperor, cracked and
fell apart. His disgustingly altered face was revealed
once again. "I hoped never to look on you with my own
eyes again!" Billy shouted. "You have the nerve to
criticize my features when it is YOU who did this to me!"
"I did that to you? Why don't you blame the good doctor
that you so usipitously tossed down the drain there? He
turned you into a cyborg twice!" "Yes, but you didn't
have to help him! You didn't to have to yank me out of my
mother's womb and hand me over to him! You could have
tried to save me! Instead, you let him to this to me
twice! You left me in his hands to do whatever he wanted
to with me! That's why I tossed him over the edge. I
have no love for either of you, but I didn't want him to
have the honor of killing you! I eliminated him... and
now I'll get rid of you!" With that threat, Billy simply
stood up and kicked Vader in the head. Vader fell limply
back. Billy snatched the Guide, with Vader's hand still
attached to it by a death grip, from the floor, and ran
past the motionless Abomination Dalek, heading for the
exit. "No, my father! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME! Not after
what you've done to me!" Billy paused and turned around.
"I already have, Vader. No, I'm not going to save you! I
was wrong. There is no good left in you! Your motives
behind destroying the Emperor proved that to me." Billy
stumbled sadly over some wreckage of the Abomination Dalek
and headed for the shuttle bay. Vader watched sadly as
Billy trotted off, his life's dream leaving, and then
slumped over, dead. BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Already, the loss of the Emperor Dalek was apparent
in the actions of the Daleks in the shuttle bay. Billy
watched as Daleks rushed by him to and fro, not bothering
in the least to even acknowledge the presence of the








enemy. "WHERE-IS-THE-EMPEROR?" "I-CANNOT-HEAR-HIS-
VOICE!" "WHAT-IS-OUR-NEXT-COMMAND?" "WHAT-ARE-WE-TO-DO?"
"THERE-IS-NO-DATA!" This was the perfect chance! While
the Daleks were busy muddling around aimlessly fretting
about their precious Emperor, without which they were
nothing, he could easily slip into a Dalek shuttle craft
and escape. As he made his way to the nearest ship, the
whole Death Star suddenly shook! A whine of power began
building up from the very center of the craft. "Oh no!
The Hand of Omega! THE DEATH STAR'S SET ON AUTOMATIC!
IT'S GOING TO TRY TO ACHIEVE UNITY ON ITS OWN!" And
that's when he knew, and it filled his heart with terror!
"Two hundred million Daleks! Coming together on one
battlefield... THE EARTH! Two hundred thousand thousand
converging at Armagedo! DR. WILY'S MAD PLAN WILL PLUNGE
THE WORLD INTO ARMAGEDDON!" BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"That's what my father must have meant by Dr. Wily
and Chuck being-" Another shock flooded the Death Star.
Billy rushed into the shuttle and left the bay. "He may
not be the Anti-Christ, but if I don't stop Wily's
machinations here and now, there won't be a time or space
left for the true Anti-Christ to appear!" Meanwhile, the
Millennium Falcon was heading on a course to join with
Admiral Ackbar's craft when a blinding beam flashed out
from a depression set into the front of the Death Star.
The beam struck a point in space and appeared to start
eating at it, seemingly trying to tear a hole open in
space. Recondo shouted, "That blast came from the Death
Star, Admiral. That thing's operational!"
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

"Millennium Falcon, come in!" "Billy, is that you?
This is Recondo!" "Glad to hear you made it out of the
Emperor's trap." "Billy, how can that Death Star be
operational?! It's not even completed yet. There are
still areas in the hull where they're constructing!"
"It's my fault in a way. Vader destroyed the Emperor and
I defeated Vader. However, the Death Star has been
automatically set to conduct an experiment of the
Emperor's devising. He wanted to join this world with its
alternate Earth reality, my own! But, without the Emperor
overseeing it, the Death Star may destroy all of time!
Recondo, slow down. I'm coming aboard! I need you to
do... one last favor for me." Billy clutched the Guide
and the hand tightly in his own as he reached into his
pocket and pulled out a cassette. He changed the
shuttle's trajectory and headed for the Falcon.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Back on Endure, the Mogwai looked fearfully up into








the night sky. Even Chewingtobacco was a bit worried
about the bright light invading the darkness of space,
with strands of dark energy escaping from the hole of
light up in space. The strands seemingly were engulfing
all matter around them! Back in our reality, the one that
is home to our hero and heroine, the Toxic Avenger was
cleaning Billy's office. He, like the rest of the
employees of Chump Towers ( Why isn't it now called
Peltzer Towers, since Billy owns it? I'll tell you why.
It's because the author's an IDIOT, that's why! OUCH! ),
wondered where Billy and Kate had gone to. Two weeks ago,
they had decided to celebrate life and go for an
inebriated walk in the park, and hadn't come back yet;
time is relative and only two weeks had passed in our
reality while Billy was in the reality alternate to our
own where this story is taking place. As he finished
cleaning the windows in Billy's office with his mop, he
looked out through the now spotless windows to admire his
handiwork. You can understand his surprise when he looked
out and saw a large black hole in the sky with what
appeared to the edge of a metal sphere slowly emerging
from it! BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!


But now, let's return to Endure! Kate stared at the
Death Star edging ever so slightly towards the open hole
in the fabric of the quantum continuum. She wondered if
Billy was still on board that thing. Had he escaped? Did
he defeat Vader and the Emperor and recover the Guide?
Would they ever return to their home again? Or were they
trapped here forever? Was this what Billy had meant by
that he might not be returning? Her wonderings were
interrupted by the sound of the Millennium Falcon coming
in for a landing, the exhaust from its engines blowing the
forest leaves aside. Recondo exited the Falcon and ran up
to Kate. He then handed her the Guide. "The
Hitch-hikers' Guide to the Galaxy?! Then, he did it! We
can go home! Who's hand is this?" "You really don't want
to know." "Oh well. What does it matter? Where's
Billy?" Recondo swallowed nervously. "There was
something he wanted me to do for him." "What? What do
you-" She looked back up at the Death Star. Part of it
had already entered into the portal! But this time, there
was something new. A small speck of light was edging
towards an open construction patch set into the bottom of
the Death Star. "No. IT CAN'T BE!" "He told you he
might not be coming back." "BILLY!" "He had to. The
Death Star is entering your reality. When it emerges from
the portal, it will pull this reality with it, like a
magnet. Then, your world will be replaced by ours, a
world ruled by Daleks! But, Billy was able to stop the
Emperor, who turned to be someone named Dr. Wily." KATE
WAS STUNNED! "Dr. Wily?! So that's it! That's why he's








still fighting! That's why he's still alive! That's why
we're here! He still hasn't fulfilled the plan set into
motion by his father!" Somewhat confused at Kate's
apparently random outbursts, Recondo continued. "Without
the Emperor, the Daleks are no more. But, that still
doesn't mean we're safe. Your world will be replaced by a
world of chaos... if we're lucky! It's more than likely
possible that when the Death Star emerges in your world...
it'll mean the end of EVERYTHING!" "The Emperor is dead?
DR. WILY'S DEAD?! Is he sure? If he is... BILLY CAN NOW
DIE! He's really going to do it, isn't he? HE'S REALLY
GOING TO DO IT!" BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Kate knew what was to come before Recondo had even
uttered it. "BILLY! DON'T DO IT!" "He asked me to bring
the Guide back to you so that at least you could return
safely home." "I told him not to go!" "He told me to
give you this." He handed Kate the cassette. "He said he
may not be coming back! I TOLD HIM NOT TO GO!" By now
Kate was shaking Recondo by the lapels. She turned back
to face the sky. By now, the speck of light was
perilously close to the opening in the Death Star. "He
also told me to say these last few things. He said
something about Vader being his stepson." "...and my
son..." RECONDO WAS STUNNED! "BILLY! COME BACK! COME
BACK TO ME! DON'T DO IT! DON'T!" It took a moment
before Recondo could continue further. "Lastly, he said
to tell you that he loved you. With all of his heart,
with everything he had, he wished it would not end like
this. But he had to do it. He asks only that you forgive
him, remember him, and take good care of someone named
Jason and, and these were his own words, the little one
who was surely on the way. Do you know what he meant?"
All Kate could do was continue staring upwards at the
light approaching the Death Star. Recondo stared up to
join her. "Yes," she said through sobs. "I know what he
meant." She burst into tears as the tiny light fell into
the Death Star. BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

That night on Endure, the surface was lit by a
second, new, and soon dead sun. The Dalek shuttle craft
plunged into the inner workings of the Death Star. Guided
by the Force, the craft wormed through the battle stations
innards and to its main reactors. The craft fell into the
burning hot nuclear material. When the reactor of the
shuttle went off, it added extra energy into the Death
Star. Too much, as a matter of fact. The Death Star
rocked with a chain of explosions before the terrible
eruption that illuminated the night sky over Endure. The
hole in time and space closed in on itself like a
puckering anus? Without the Hand of Omega within the
Death Star, there wasn't enough power to hold the portal








open. The crushing forces of nature, along with the
unstable energies within the Death Star, resulted in its
destruction... and that of what finally turned out to be a
good man, Billy Peltzer. BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

With a such a display as that, there was no need for
fireworks to celebrate the final Rebel victory on Endure.
While they laughed, danced, and vomited from too much of
what the Mogwai swore was simply punch, Kate's thoughts,
as well as Kate herself, were elsewhere. "I... I can't
believe it's finally over, Billy. The Daleks have been
destroyed, the Death Star exploded, the Emperor, er, I
mean, Dr. Wily, dead, and- my husband..." She stared into
the little fire that was providing her with such warmth,
and wished it was her husband who was providing her with
that warmth. Suddenly to her stunned delight, ghostly
images appeared. She grinned through flowing tears.
Standing there here were the souls of Obi Wan Kenobi, Abe
Vigoda, oddly enough, the first Rand Peltzer, and...
BILLY! Her heart raced as she was given the chance to say
goodbye one final time. She raised her hand, and Billy
raised his. The ghosts then dissipated away to join the
Force. BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Hank Williams walked up to the somewhat still
dejected Kate. "Hey, gal. I just thought you'd like to
know that I'm grateful you arrived. Without your and your
husband's help, I'd probably end up as property of the
Daleks. Also, it was indeed a real pleasure to have met a
woman as lovely as yourself." Kate smiled at the brash
country musician turned space pirate and kissed him
deeply. Hank pulled back, breathless. "WOW!" He then
proceeded to dive back in for some more. When he refused
to keep his hands to himself, Kate kneed him in the groin.
Hank wobbled off, holding his now inflamed area. "THIS-
THIS GIVES ME AN IDEA FOR A GREAT NEW SONG!" Hank went
off to write his next great single; it reached number 7 on
the top Galactic Billboard charts, and became the freedom
anthem for the galaxy. BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Kate went off and joined up with See-Thru. She held
up the copy of the Hitch-hikers' Guide to the Galaxy, with
Vader's hand still clutching tightly to it. "Would you
tell me how to work this thing? It was only through
random fiddling that I got us here before." "All you had
to do was turn it on. However, since you turned it on on
Earth, you were transported to the Earth of this reality.
If you were to turn it on here, you would be transported
to where Endure exists in your reality, which may not even
exist there yet! You would asphyxiate in the vacuum of
space! I'll set it for your Earth." See-Thru's golden








fingers worked their magic on the book, and Kate kind of
wished he was working that magic on her; she missed Billy
already! BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

One of the eternally burning questions that man
occupies himself with throughout his life is that of
death. Why do we die? What's it like? What awaits us on
the... other side? For once, let's gain just a little bit
of insight into these queries. Just once, let's bypass
the laws of time and space to join Billy Peltzer in the
cockpit of the Dalek shuttle he was piloting into the
Death Star. He knew he wasn't coming back. If the Death
Star was allowed to continue on its present course, it
would one of two things, both destructive. It had to be
destroyed, and there was no room to allow error! He had
to pilot the shuttle craft into the Death Star's
reactor... and destroy it and himself. Billy led the
shuttle through a maze of girders and pipes in the
half-built Death Star. As he approached the blazing
reactor, he held his breath and prayed. He prayed that
the shuttle's hull could withstand the heat long enough.
He prayed his silly idea would work, too! He knew that
exploding the Death Star in the dimensional gateway
between our realities was a dangerous thing. As the end
came near, Obi Wan Kenobi's voice filled the shuttle.
"Use the Force, Billy! Let it guide your actions." Deja
vu all the way as the intense heat generated by the
reactor began burning its way through to Billy! As the
hairs on his forearms began to singe, Billy was stunned to
find that a Bathroom Buddy had materialized on his
shoulder! His father's voice filled his ear, "RAND LOVES
YA'!" Billy laughed maniacally through welling tears as
his finger pressed home the fire button and tossed all the
shuttle's concussion missiles into the Death Star's core.
He screamed triumphantly as the fires of salvation
scorched the flesh from Billy Peltzer's body.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

See-Thru handed the now properly set Guide back to
Kate. "It's all ready, ma'am. Just press the large red A
and B buttons simultaneously. That means at the same
time." "I KNOW THAT, IDIOTIC DROID!" Kate snapped. She
pressed the A button and then the B button, before she
realized and then pressed the two simultaneously. Kate
started to disappear under the influence of the Guide.
The only thing she regretted was that she had forgotten to
ask See-Thru to play the cassette that Billy had left for
her before the now liberated world that Kate was once in
floated away from her sight. She then re-appeared under
the watchful gaze of the old, Chinese man. Toxie, Jerry,
and the rest of the employees at Chump Towers were glad to
welcome Kate back some time later, and were elated when








they heard what happened to Billy! Billy Peltzer was a
hateful, greedy man in the eyes of the tower employees, a
man no one there liked, but at least you could get an easy
piece of ass out of his wife, easier now that she was free
of the shackles of marriage. Yet, it was still ever so
often that Kate would sit in the chair that used to be her
husband's, and could feel the presence of his butt every
once in a while. Kate Peltzer had inherited the most
powerful cable broadcasting company in the world, but at
the cost of her own husband. On further reflection, she
felt it wasn't that bad a trade off. In time, the memory
of Billy Peltzer was almost forgotten. And, the only
remnants of the time she spent with the Rebels in the
alternate Earth reality were the Hitch-hikers' Guide to
the Galaxy, which she kept safely sealed away in a safe,
and an odd black hand that the she managed to fetch a
handsome price for from the old, Chinese man.
BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-DURWEEP!

Oh, but what about that tiny audio cassette from
Billy that Recondo gave Kate? Well, it held many secrets,
and it held those secrets for many years to follow. What
Vigoda had not seen in the confused haze of approaching
death was the difference between the technological levels
of our two realities. Yet, under the somewhat forceful
auspices of Kate, the research and development teams down
in the basement of Chump Towers spent the intervening
years examining the tape and devising a method to read it.
When they finally succeeded, a worldwide technological
revolution resulted. Kate Peltzer finally got to hear her
husband's final words to both her and his lineage, one of
whom he never saw born... FINALLY... in the year 2010...






This is the end of Star Wars: Rewritten V \ Return of the
Jedi. Well, what one can say after the death of the hero,
except... RIP, and I don't mean the term graphics program!


Star Wars: Rewritten V \ Return of the Jedi @1994 by David
Minter. Based on an original story by George Lucas, the
film "Star Wars: Return of the Jedi" @1983 by Lucasfilm
Ltd., the Buena Vista Book and Record Set "Star Wars:
Return of the Jedi" @1983 by Buena Vista Records, the film
"Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back" @1980 by Lucasfilm








Ltd., the film "Star Wars" @1977 by Twentieth Century Fox
Film Corporation, material freely adapted from the Doctor
Who episode "Remembrance of the Daleks" written by Ben
Aaronovitch @1987 British Broadcasting Corporation and
@1989 by Ben Aaronovitch, the concept of the Book and
Record Set @1984 by Buena Vista Records, Star Wars:
Rewritten IV \ A New Hope @1994 by David Minter, with
material freely adapted from Batman #497 "The Broken Bat"
by Doug Moench, @1993 by DC Comics, a division of Warner
Brothers Pictures Incorporated, a subsidiary of the Time
Warner Company, Star Wars: Rewritten III \ The Empire
Strikes Back @1994 by David Minter, from the film "Star
Wars: The Empire Strikes Back" @1980 by Lucasfilm Ltd.,
the Buena Vista Book and Record Set "Star Wars: The Empire
Strikes Back" @1980 Buena Vista Records, Star Wars:
Rewritten II \ This Island Earth @1994 by David Minter,
from the film "Star Wars" @1976 by Twentieth Century Fox
Film Corporation, the Buena Vista Book and Record Set
"Star Wars" @1980 by Buena Vista Records, and Star Wars:
Rewritten \ A Universe Divided @1994 by David Minter.

Star Wars and all related characters @1976, 1977, 1978,
1979, 1981, 1982, 1983, and 1993 by Twentieth Century Fox
Film Corporation, in association with George Lucas,
Lucasfilms, Lucasarts, and Industrial Light and Magic.

Daleks @1990 by the British Broadcasting Corporation and
Terry Nation. Created by Terry Nation, designed by
Raymond Cusick.

Dr. Wily @1993 by Capcom of Japan and the Capcom Company
of America Ltd.

Buena Vista Records is a subsidiary of Walt Disney
Productions.

The name Dr. William Douglas Wily does not identify any
known living person.

This series is dedicated to you, my faithful throng of
readers, so that he can blame you for his fate.








 
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