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The tale of Bob the Ogre and his enchanted club
THE CLUB OF THUD
a fairy-tale by Sporkman
Once upon a time, there was an ominous, sinister castle that stood atop a
mountain by the sea. In it, there lived an ugly ogre who went by the name of
Bob. And he had a very wise pet owl whose name is boB (which is Bob spelled
backwards). Bob would often prance gayly in the forest, enjoying the scenery,
and bashing any little furry animals that he would come across with his
enchanted club of Thud. One day a very brave rabbit challenged the authority of
the gayly prancing ogre. He shouted, "I will bring you down!" So the Ogre
replied by bringing the enchanted club of Thud upon the stupid rabbit's head,
killing him instantaneously. A very brave wombat saw the terrible deed, and
goes to warn the people in a nearby village. He saw a young woman and tried to
warn her. She saw the wombat and screamed. Her father came out with a
baseball bat and smashed the wombat to a bloody pulp. At this point, some
nature conservation officers arrested the woman's father and he did ten to
twenty in the kingdom pen. About this time, Bob and boB walked into the
village
and distributed cookies to the local children. BoB said to Bob, "You are being
nice to these children. I am proud that you haven't used the enchanted club of
Thud on any of them." Bob replied, "Oh yeah, I forgot," and proceded to club
every child in the village to a bloody pulp. Then, the Bob's fairy godmother
appeared. "You shouldn't club all those innocent children into the ground." The
fairy godmother was also promptly clubbed by the enchanted club of Thud. But
as the club made the blow, a light started to shine from the club. The enchanted
club of Thud began to rise about ten feet above the crowd. As the people
stared, an image appeared from the club. To the crowds bewilderment, the
image became clearer, clearer, to show.......a Pepsi-Cola commercial! The town
scientists quickly ran and raced to develop Pepsi, and when they did, the town
began to party like they had never partied before! Bob quit clubbing the children
and joined the people in the festivities, and the people quickly forgave Bob for
smashing most of the children. Everyone in the town would be happy forever.
But, in a faraway land, there was an ogre named Bill, who held the enchanted
club of Whomp, just happened to be clubbing children of a similar village. His
club was in the air projecting an image of a Coca-Cola commercial. Bill stopped
his clubbing, and the town's chaos died off. The people then sat down to play a
very long game of bingo and everyone would be bored and boring for all
eternity.
THE END
Especially special thanks to Matt Booher
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