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Guy gets hassled at Taco Bell for a $2 bill

(source: Internet Wierd News)
Date: December 17, 1993

On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I
need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is a
$50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. I
figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry
about people getting upset at me.

ME: ``Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go.''
IT: ``Is that it?''
ME: ``Yep.''
IT: ``That'll be $1.04, eat here?''
ME: ``No, it's TO GO.'' [I hate effort duplication.]

At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it
kind of funny and...

IT: ``Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back.''

He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The following
conversation occurs between the two of them.
IT: ``Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?''
MG: ``No. A what?''
IT: ``A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me.''
MG: ``Ask for something else, there's no such thing as a $2 bill.''
IT: ``Yeah, thought so.''

He comes back to me and says
IT: ``We don't take these. Do you have anything else?''
ME: ``Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?''
IT: ``I don't know.''
ME: ``See here where it says legal tender?''
IT: ``Yeah.''
ME: ``So, shouldn't you take it?''
IT: ``Well, hang on a sec.''

He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to shoplift,
and
IT: ``He says I have to take it.''
MG: ``Doesn't he have anything else?''
IT: ``Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change.''
MG: ``I'm not opening the safe with him in here.''
IT: ``What should I do?''
MG: ``Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money.''
IT: ``I can't tell him that, you tell him.''
MG: ``Just tell him.''
IT: ``No way, this is weird, I'm going in back.''

The manager approaches me and says

MG: ``Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night.'' [it was 8pm and
this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100 other
stores.]

ME: ``Well, here's a two.''
MG: ``We don't take THOSE either.''
ME: ``Why not?''
MG: ``I think you KNOW why.''
ME: ``No really, tell me, why?''
MG: ``Please leave before I call mall security.''
ME: ``Excuse me?''
MG: ``Please leave before I call mall security.''
ME: ``What for?''
MG: ``Please, sir.''
ME: ``Uh, go ahead, call them.''
MG: ``Would you please just leave?''
ME: ``No.''
MG: ``Fine, have it your way then.''
ME: ``No, that's Burger King, isn't it?''

At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone
around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, and
I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this 45 year
oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a whisper]
SG: ``Yeah, Mike, what's up?''
MG: ``This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money.''
SG: ``Really? What?''
MG: ``Get this, a two dollar bill.''
SG: ``Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?'' [incredulous]
MG: ``I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is a
fifty.''
SG: ``So, the fifty's fake?''
MG: ``<i>No</i>, the $2 is.''
SG: ``Why would he fake a $2 bill?''
MG: ``I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?''
SG: ``Yeah...''

Security guard walks over to me and says

SG: ``Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use.''
ME: ``Uh, no.''
SG: ``Lemme see 'em.''
ME: ``Why?''
SG: ``Do you want me to get the cops in here?''

At this point I was ready to say, ``SURE, PLEASE,'' but I wanted to eat, so I
said

ME: ``I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill.''

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a swing at
him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and says

SG: ``Mike, what's wrong with this bill?''
MG: ``It's fake.''
SG: ``It doesn't look fake to me.''
MG: ``But it's a $2 bill.''
SG: ``Yeah?''
MG: ``Well, there's no such thing, is there?''

The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it
dawned on the guy that he had no clue.

My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon things,
too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see what happens
when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people, I could
probably end up in jail. At least I'd get free food.
 
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