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How to lose friends and annoy people
/----------------------------------------------------------\
|o| |o|
|o| How not to Make Friends & Annoy People |o|
|o| |o|
|o| By: |o|
|o| |o|
|o| ]> The Razor <[ |o|
|o| |o|
\----------------------------------------------------------/
/-----------\
| Teenagers |
\-----------/
Now to keep this straight, this section is to describe to
teenagers how not to make friends & annoy people.
1) When meeting a new friend's parents, ask your friend what
their first names are and then call his parents by them from
that point on.
2) Before going out on a really heavy date, eat a pepperoni,
onion, garlic, & sprinkled with red & green peppers pizza.
3) Invite your friends over, and then charge them rent per
hour. If they make phone calls charge them 20 cents each.
4) Start to flirt with your best friend's girlfriend.
5) At a Sweet-Sixteen party hand out pamphlets about stopping
abortions, also spike the punch with Vodka.
6) If you find that your worst neighbor's dog has escaped
on a very hot day, chain him to a tree and put a bowl of
water a few inches out of its reach. You may also chain it
to a tree in someone else's yard.
7) Spread around rumors that there will be a free beer-bash at
your neighbors house. You should hand out pamphlets also to
attract a larger crowd.
8) If your neighbors have an outdoor phone jack, then plug in
your phone and make all the long-distance phone calls you
like. You won't get traced either. You may also do this with
electrical outlets also.
9) Beat and tie up your neighbor's pet, then call the Humane
Society.
10) If your neighbors have gone on vacation, then turn on all
their outdoor faucets on full blast.
11) If you are lucky enough to get in your neighbor's house,
remove a light-bulb, take a hyperdermic needle full of
gasoline and then squeeze the gas into the light-bulb, and
replace it. Get out of the room quick.
12) Put some Sugar in your neighbor's gas tank of their car.
13) Put a "For Sale" sign in front of their house while they are
on vacation. Remember to put your phone number to make the
sale.
14) Put an advertisement in the newspaper for a brand new
Porsche 911 with all the options for $5,000.
/--------\
| Adults |
\--------/
1) Hire a group of the neighborhood brats to annoy your
neighbors by lighting off fireworks, playing ding-dong
ditch, and throwing various items at your neighbors house.
One dollar per each child on a weekly basis.
2) Hire a hooker to go to your neighbor's house while he and
his spouse are present at the time.
3) Get your neighbor's credit card number and charge all you
can to it in only one week.
4) Make signs that say "Flea Market" and "Garage Sale" and
point them at your neighbor's house.
5) Set their bushes on fire and claim they were trying to get
their insurance money for the house.?
6) If your neighbor's have a pool, then make a life-size
replica of their daughter, and put it in the pool (Dead-Man
Float Style) and put some cherry Kool-Aid in also.
7) Sneak into your neighbor's house and put panties in the
master bedroom, and smear lipstick on the husband's collar.
8) When their child is asleep, sneak into their house, and put
a teddy bear head at the foot of his bed.
9) Stock your neighbor's toilets and pool with goldfish.
10) Make holes in your neighbor's roof all the way through.
11) Make a replica of their 2 year old baby and put a tape
recorder with screams on it, and set it behind a tire of
their car when their garage door opens.
12) Pass out pamphlets that say there is a "KKK" meeting at
your neighbor's address.
13) Take your 5 year-old son to learn to play golf on your
neighbor's land.
14) Take your neighbor's son, and tell his father that you are
going to see Dumbo and take hime out to see all the violent
and most profanic movies that are playing around you.
/---------------------\
| The End of Volume I |
\---------------------/
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