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a thread of messages describing a newe game.. FUNN
& R ? j@ ? L ? ` > A message thread of BLAZEMONGER! nd on another board
Article 51180 of comp.sys.amiga:
Path: jhunix!barrett
From: [email protected] (Dan Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga
Subject: The ONLY way to get RAW, UNBRIDLED SPEED in an Amiga program
Keywords: C, assembly, Elvis, prongs
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Date: 7 Dec 90 17:18:14 GMT
Organization: The Johns Hopkins
University - HCF
Lines: 79
Some folks wrote about:
>Subject: Re: Assembler Programming - Costs versus Benefits
>Subject: Re: Awesome! Now I am Pi**ed!
>Basically, writing a portable program blah blah blah...
You people in comp.sys.amiga just don't know what you are TALKING
about! It is TOTALLY OBVIOUS to me that NONE of you have EVER WRITTEN a
computer program. If you want to see RAW SPEED in an Amiga game, you MUST
check out
*B L A Z E M O N G E R****
THIS IS THE FASTEST AMIGA GAME EVER WRITTEN -- NOTHING ELSE EVEN COMES CLOSE!
Tired of TURRICAN? Is the BEAST a pussycat?? Does the KILLING
GAME SHOW play like RERUNS of HOME SHOPPING NETWORK??? GET A LIFE!!!!!
BLAZEMONGER animates at 200 FRAMES PER SECOND -- so blindingly FAST that you
need TWO MONITORS just to WATCH THE INTRO!!!
Forget C! Forget ASSEMBLER! Forget all those SLOW, WIMPY
LANGUAGES!! BLAZEMONGER is written in 100% CRAY YMP MACHINE CODE for the
ULTIMATE in SPEED!!!
BLAZEMONGER goes DIRECTLY to the AMIGA HARDWARE for unmatched
performance. While BLAZEMONGER is being played, warm boots (ctrl-A-A) have
ABSOLUTELY NO EFFECT. In fact, you literally CANNOT TURN OFF THE AMIGA
because BLAZEMONGER takes over the power switch!! (How's THAT for a safety
feature??) At the same time, POWERMONGER sends thousands of volts through
your power cable, SOLDERING IT TO THE WALL OUTLET, assuring that UNDER
NO CIRCUMSTANCES can you EVER accidentally stop this game.
Copy protected? You BET!! BLAZEMONGER uses disk protection, dongle
protection, "look up the word in the manual" protection, "look up the word
in the DICTIONARY" protection (Webster's 4th edition), 40-number YALE
COMBINATION LOCK protection, and an impenetrable TEFLON COATING around the
entire disk!!! And for your added safety, your high scores are written to
the super-protected MASTER DISK, so the pesky scores CANNOT ESCAPE and post
themselves to THOUSANDS OF BULLETIN BOARDS, bragging about their MAGNITUDE!
Multitasking? WHO NEEDS IT?!? BLAZEMONGER is SO AMAZINGLY FAST
that it takes LESS TIME to COLD BOOT on our custom OS than it does to SWITCH
SCREENS!! In the time it takes you to run a stupid "clock" program in the
background, you can play FIVE FULL GAMES of BLAZEMONGER!! YOU DON'T NEED
ANYTHING ELSE RUNNING!!!
Playability? NO CHANCE!! The RAW SPEED of BLAZEMONGER is so WILDLY
INTENSE that nobody has EVER beaten this game. You will literally feel
WIND AGAINST YOUR FACE as the images WHIP past your glazed eyes. The
average player dies in FIFTEEN DIFFERENT WAYS before he can even PLUG IN
THE JOYSTICK!!! The best-known high score is in the NEGATIVES!!!
Speaking of joysticks... BLAZEMONGER supports 2-button joysticks,
3-button joysticks, 3-button mice, 6-button shirts, 24-button ELEVATOR
PANELS, and even 256-button TELEPHONE OPERATOR SWITCHBOARDS to give you
precise control over nearly ALL of the 1073 BRAIN-BLASTING ULTIMATE WEAPONS
available at ALL TIMES!!
Does BLAZEMONGER have a 2-player mode? GET REAL!! BLAZEMONGER
supports NINE SIMULTANEOUS PLAYERS through the use of CUSTOM JOYSTICKS.
These little beauties can plug into the serial port, parallel port, SCSI
port, 2nd-disk-drive port, video port, coprocessor slot, RGB monitor port...
even the TWO AUDIO OUTPUTS!! And you can add MORE PLAYERS by modem, FAX, or
GENLOCK!!
So, you C and assembler wimps... go back to your stupid, lazy,
futile, high-level software engineering TRASH. Go play "Monopoly" or
something. There is only ONE TRUE GAME for the Amiga, and it is
BLAZEMONGER. Only $9.95! Look for it in your favorite Amiga software store
-- it's the package shaped like a plastic explosive wrapped around a lit
stick of dynamite.
Dan
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: Sat, 08 Dec 90 12:04:35 EST
From: [email protected]
To: David Tiberio <[email protected]>
Subject: Re: The ONLY way to get RAW, UNBRIDLED SPEED in an Amiga program
>This Blazemonger game sounds really cool. Can nine people really play it
>at once?
BLAZEMONGER can indeed be played by nine people at once.
Fortunately, this WIMPY LIMIT has been overcome in the soon-to-appear
"BLAZEMONGER II: THE FINAL BEGINNING". This sequel allows FOUR HUNDRED
simultaneous players, provided you have enough bathrooms.
>Where can I get it? I haven't seen it advertised in any magazines!
BLAZEMONGER is not advertised in any of your WORTHLESS magazines.
Real gameplayers KNOW where to get it.
>:) I didn't know the audio ports can be INPUTS!
They are, if you feed back enough VOLTS into 'em!! The authors of
BLAZEMONGER are the ULTIMATE PROGRAMMERS. They can get around ANY such
trivial details. (In fact, they are now working on BLAZEMONGER hard-disk
installation for people who do not own hard disks.)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 19 Feb 91 15:17:28 GMT
From: [email protected] (Dan Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advoca
cy
Subject: Re: Blazemonger cheats
Keywords: BLAZEMONGER is part of this complete breakfast
In article <[email protected]> [email protected]
(Mike Smithwick) writes:
>A friend of mine got killed in BLAZEMONGER before he even TURNED ON his
>machine.
The next version will have an even MORE SOPHISTICATED algorithm; you
don't even have to OWN an Amiga to lose the game!! BLAZEMONGER periodically
checks your bank account. When senses that you have enough money to BUY
an Amiga, it projects a big, flashing "GAME OVER" message on your wall.
>BTW, how do people get thru the copy-protection? I understand that you have
>to send the author $5.00 each time you want to play, and he'll call up
>your machine to enter the 32 digit keycode.
This RUMOR is a VICIOUS LIE. It is a thirty-*three* digit code.
Dan
--------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
Subject: New BM (was Re: WHERE THE HELL ARETHE 2.0 ROMS FOR THE 2000 AND 500?
Mars???)
Keywords: BLAZEMONGER XIV coming soon!
In article <[email protected]> [email protected] (Raoul Rodriguez)
writes:
>yea, where is the new copy of BLAZEMONGER anyway....
BLAZEMONGER III will be ready Real Soon Now. It features more
graphics, more speed, more sound, more speed, and more SPEED than ever
before. And did I mention MORE SPEED? The game is SO FAST that we
weren't even able to *write* "BLAZEMONGER II" -- it leaped off the disk
and into the upper atmosphere before we could catch it!!
>my copy (version .0009) gurued after I completed the first level, ....
Your Amiga either has a hardware problem, or you are doing something
wrong. BLAZEMONGER has no bugs. I'll bet you are a pirate.
>40 seconds of pure excitement, and
>to top it all off, I can out with a POSITIVE score of 4!!!!!! I think
>this is a new record, (call Guiness)....
That is a TRIVIAL score. I have seen TRUE game players get scores
of 5 or even 6 after ONLY a few hours of play.
Dan
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: barret
[email protected] (Dan Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
Subject: REAL inter-application communication [was Re: Clipboard etc]
Date: 15 Jun 91 21:12:35 GMT
I am so glad that everybody is so concerned about clipboard support
these days. In fact, thanks to your many insightful, polite, and unbiased
clipboard articles, one of your fellow USENETers has requested more
clipboard support in BLAZEMONGER. You know, the usual stuff: cutting out
levels from another game and importing them into BLAZEMONGER, pasting in
pages from actual books, etc. This is an excellent idea.
As I'm sure you know from previous postings, BLAZEMONGER is
one of the most friendly, well-behaved, totally Intuition-ized programs
in existence. Bang on the hardware? We wouldn't DREAM of it! After all,
good behavior is more important than speed, right?
[Pause.... Spittle begins to drip from the chin....]
HAHAHA! If you believe THAT stuff, you've been living on the PLANET
WIMPFACE for the last 2 years!! BLAZEMONGER goes RIGHT TO THE METAL for
EVERYTHING, even during the CODING! Yes, we code DIRECTLY in BINARY for
MAXIMUM SPEED. Assembly is just TOO SLOW, as you ALL know deep in your
HEARTS.
CLIPBOARD SUPPORT?!? What's the purpose of the Clipboard anyway?
To transfer data from one application into another, right? Well, the
next release of BLAZEMONGER will do even BETTER than THAT! And FASTER,
of course!!
Rather than letting you transfer your WIMPY data from another
application, BLAZEMONGER comes complete with ALL OF YOUR DATA ALREADY IN
IT! Yes, it's true. Thanks to our Microwave Modem Technology, we already
have ALL OF YOUR COMPUTER FILES here on our four million billion gigabyte
hard drive. And thanks to our latest data compression techniques, we have
encoded ALL of this data on the BLAZEMONGER disk. If you need any of
it, just ask BLAZEMONGER, and it is INSTANTLY inserted into your
currently running game!
"But," you say, "what about any *new* data I make after I've
bought Blazemonger?" This is a legitimate question, so here's a very
reasonable answer.
FIRST of all, Mr. SMARTY-PANTS, the name of the game is BLAZEMONGER
in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, because you have to YELL when you say it. GET WITH
IT, BUDDY!!
And second, it's not an issue! You simply can't MAKE any new data after
you buy BLAZEMONGER. Once loaded, it's IMPOSSIBLE to unload the game.
In fact, you can't even TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER because BLAZEMONGER taps
directly into the LIVE VOLTAGES in the power supply and conveniently
reroutes them to the power switch! This way, you are quickly reminded
NEVER to turn off this game. We installed this feature after MANY of
our customers requested it. (Well... actually, they requested hard
drive installation, but we decided that this is more efficient.)
I hope that answers any questions about BLAZEMONGER's Clipboard
support. If you have any comments, just put them in a file on one of
your disks. We'll read them eventually....
Dan
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: [email protected] (Dan Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.programmer
Subject: Re:
Source to OS (Was Re: Information on Amiga Technical Reference
Seri)
Date: 15 Jun 91 21:50:01 GMT
In recent articles, people have asked Commodore to release the
source code of the operating system. Since Commodore has decided not to
do this, I thought it would get the ball rolling by releasing the source
code to BLAZEMONGER.
As you are well aware, BLAZEMONGER is the fastest program ever
written. On the average, it is finished running just slightly before you
reach for your joystick. (Don't worry... it's usually faster in practice.)
We figured that the source code would prove instructive to young
hardware-bangers eager for MAXIMUM SPEED, but still not sure how to get it.
(Hint: you're doing it WRONG.) And next, who knows: perhaps other
companies will release THEIR source code too! Then we can all laugh and see
how STUPID it is compared to BLAZEMONGER's ultimate form.
Aren't we worried about BLAZEMONGER clones being written now, as
EVIL, WIMPY companies steal our source code and incorporate it into their
own games? GET REAL!!! We fear NOTHING!! In fact, if anybody tries to
use even ONE BYTE of BLAZEMONGER code in their programs, even
modified beyond recognition, we will know. Trust us, we'll know. You
don't want to do this. It will be very bad for your, uh, health. So
much for the "legal-ese" portion of our posting.
So, without further ado, here it is: the SOURCE CODE FOR
BLAZEMONGER, THE FASTEST PROGRAM EVER WRITTEN!! It is in uuencoded
format. Simply save it in a file and type "uudecode filename" to
decode it.
------------8<----------------- cut here ----------------8<------------------
begin 644 BLAZEMONGER.X
end
------------8<----------------- cut here ----------------8<------------------
Enjoy!!
Dan
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: barre
[email protected] (Dan Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga
.advocacy
Subject: Re: CDTV News
Date: 17 Jun 91 21:18:12 GMT
In article <[email protected]> [email protected]
(Kevin Darling) writes:
>[email protected] (Ray Cromwell) writes:
>>
>>>
>>>>
[CDTV is great, CD-I is greater, CDTV is greater than greater, etc.]
Sigh.
CDTV?? CD-I?? These are BOTH very WIMPY ideas. If you want to see
a REAL innovation, check out the LATEST in the series of similarly-named,
4-letter video products:
Introducing... CBTV!
Yes, CBTV! Now, you might think that the "CB" stands for "Citizen's
Band", as in "CB radio". After all, it makes a lot of sense to integrate a
television set with a CB. It would certainly find its way into 99% of
people's homes. (Mainly because we'd sneak in at night and put it there.)
But that's NOT what "CBTV" stands for!! The REAL words are (you
knew this was coming, didn't you...):
COMPACT
BLAZEMONGER
TERROR and VIOLENCE
That's right! CBTV is the ULTIMATE ULTIMATE video game machine!! Hidden
inside its miniscule frame (2" x 1" x 1"), CBTV contains SEVEN HUNDRED
MILLION of the most HORRIFYING villains, creatures, aliens, mutants,
mechanized death machines, monster trucks ("...are coming, coming, COMING!"),
Atari salespeople, and other EVIL, SLIME-DRIPPING ARCANE FORCES. And all
that stands between them and TOTAL WORLD CONQUEST is... YOU, and your trusty
0.25" joystick!
You thought BLAZEMONGER was fast, eh?? Well, you ain't seen NOTHING
yet! On the CBTV custom hardware, the images will RIP past your eyes so
fast that you'll think that YOU are actually moving! In fact, you WILL be
moving, thanks to CBTV's built-in ULTRA-POWERFUL magnet that will carry your
body toward the nearest metal object at LIGHTNING SPEED!
Bang on the hardware??? OF COURSE!! CBTV has not ten, not twenty,
but FIFTY-SIX THOUSAND 128-BIT DMA HARDWARE REGISTERS ready to be POKED...
and poked HARD!! SLAMMED, actually, right against the WALL! Pesky
registers. They get what they deserve.
So, as you can see, all those silly CVTD (or whatever they're called
this week) devices are just no comparison. Junk 'em, that's what I say.
Incidentally, if anybody is interested in becoming a CBTV developer,
send e-mail to [email protected].
Include your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, number of
speeding tickets received, number of speeding tickets OUTRUN, number of
calluses on your joystick finger, and a brief history of any violent
activity in yourself or close family members,
Dan
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------`
From: bahunix.HCF.JHU.EDU (Dan Barrett)
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
Subject: The long-awaited History of BLAZEMONGER
Keywords: Watch for BLAZEMONGER MLXXVII with 4-D sound
Date: 19 Jun 91 07:57:00 GMT
Various people have written me e-mail about BLAZEMONGER. So far,
the comments look like this:
PERCENTCOMMENT
54.5%"Don't you have anything BETTER to do at 4:00 am?"
28.0%"Stop wasting bandwidth!"
16.8%"Where can I obtain, er, uh, BUY a copy?"
2.7%"Is your last name REALLY 'Barrett'?"
1.4%"Can't you add to 100% correctly?!?"
0.0003%"Could you tell us the history of BLAZEMONGER?"
Well, due to overwhelming popular demand, here it is... the REAL,
TRUE, FACTUAL, MAGNIFICENT HISTORY OF BLAZEMONGER. But first, some
legalities:
** This REAL TRUE FACTUAL MAGNIFICENT HISTORY is **
** CopyWright 1991 by Daniel J. BLAZEMONGER. **
** All rites reserved. Void where permitted. **
Now before reading, please sign the following non-disclosure
agreement.
"I, __type__your__name__here__, agree that I will not
disclose any information about the REAL TRUE FACTUAL
MAGNIFICENT HISTORY of BLAZEMONGER unless I really
want to."
_________________
(fill in .sig)
Now that THAT is all out of the way... time for the R.T.F.M. History!!
Part I: BEFORE BLAZEMONGER
Once, there was a TERRIBLE time in Amiga history. The games
sucked. They were SLOW STUPID, BORING, USELESS, and NOT AT ALL FUN.
Totally WIMPY games like "Shadow of the Cheese" dominated the
market. These games were written by INEPT PROGRAMMERS who didn't
know the difference between a HARDWARE REGISTER and an EXPONENTIAL
ALGORITHM. They couldn't tell an OUTPUT from a SHOT PUT. The most
COMMON PROGRAM these people ran was a GURU MEDITATION. Believe me,
it was PATHETIC.
Well, about this time, a group of three Florida doctors had a spare
$7 million to invest, so they decided to build the ultimate game
computer. They... uh... wait a minute. Wrong history.
So, about THIS time, a group of ULTIMATE PROGRAMMERS decided that
ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH. It was time to write the GAME TO END ALL GAMES.
(Literally! In fact, the original plans called for the game to seek
out and DESTROY any WIMPY games owned by the user! But for better
or worse, this was dropped from the specification when we realized
that, to have the best game, you also have to have other games around
that are WORSE.)
And so, our BRILLIANT PLANNERS and AMAZING CODERS started work
on the program. It was a well-kept SECRET. NOBODY was allowed
to refer to it by its actual name, so they used CODE NAMES. These
names were SO SECRET and SO WELL ENCRYPTED that nobody, not even
the people involved, could crack them. So they just tossed out
the code names and used the real one.
But what was the real name? What should the ULTIMATE GAME be
called? Well, the original name chosen was, believe it or not,
"Wonk", which is the sound of the user "wonking" a monster on
the head. But this name was soon scrapped because it sounded too
similar to "Turrican", a VERY WIMPY game.
Next, the designers tried the name "Kill Kill Kill" which pleased
most everyone, but it STILL sounded too much like "Turrican". But
this name was one step closer to a good one, because it had almost
enough VIOLENCE in it.
Finally, in a sudden BURST OF BRILLIANCE, ALL of the people involved
SUDDENLY thought of the SAME NAME SIMULTANEOUSLY! It was a MAGICAL
experience! Everybody was STUNNED! Yes!! The game was going to be
called... called... "Little Princess Petunia and her Cute, Fluffy
Doggie"!! How they CHEERED the decision!! Everybody felt GREAT.
Then somebody noticed that the building's air vents were all shut,
and truck exhaust fumes had been filtering into the building for
the past 2 hours. So everybody went outside, took a few deep
breaths, and decided on "BLAZEMONGER."
BLAZEMONGER: a name that would strike TERROR into the hearts and
text editors of those INCOMPETENT WANNA-BE BASIC PROGRAMMERS at
Psychosis, Innerprune, Bitmap Buffoons, Electronic Artichokes,
Seagate, and other TOY MANUFACTURERS. Yes, BLAZEMONGER: who could
change the course of mighty GAME SALES... bend RKM RULES in its BARE
HANDS... and who, disguised as... uh... never mind.
Part II: B.M. Hits The Beta-Testers
After a careful selection process, 6 BRAVE beta-testers were chosen
to try out the game. We watched carefully, from behind our concrete
bunker, to see what would happen. Up to this point, nobody had
actually tried to play the game.
The first beta-tester picked up the BLAZEMONGER game disk and
prepared to insert it into the computer. We were all VERY pleased
when, as his hand was approaching the drive, the words "GAME OVER"
began flashing on the monitor.
It was a success!! BLAZEMONGER was the FASTEST GAME EVER WRITTEN.
(We sent the rest of the beta-testers home. Dweebs.)
Part III: Disaster In The Stores
The first shipment of BLAZEMONGER packages was sent to the stores.
It was shaped like a PLASTIC EXPLOSIVE wrapped around a LIT STICK
of DYNAMITE. This naturally frightened some of the MEEK and WIMPY
store owners. But we had expected that this might happen, so we
did the appropriate thing: we sent a few of our "support people"
to each store, and they beat the hell out of the store owners
with blunt instruments. BLAZEMONGER sales improved rapidly.
But it wasn't enough. Weedy little jerkoff kids started PIRATING
the game. In our first release, you see, we had decided not to use
any form of disk-based copy protection. This was not a problem,
however, as one of our programmers had lovingly coated the original
disks with BUBONIC PLAGUE VIRUS, which was passed on to the illegal
copies.
So there you have it: the REAL TRUE FACTUAL MAGNIFICENT HISTORY
of BLAZEMONGER... straight from the Sd on BBS's and USENET. Somebody claimed
that, after you turned off your computer, BLAZEMONGER would h
ide in the Cbattery-backed RAM of the internal clock. This was a VICIOUS LIE!!
BLAZEMONGER doesn't NEED any WIMPY batteries!!! If it wanted to, it
could hide in your MOUSE!! Or even in the GRIMY DIRT on your RETURN
KEY!!! God, don't you ever WASH that thing?!? Makes me sick.
Part IV. BLAZEMONGER TRIUMPHANT
Nowadays, absolutely EVERYBODY admits that BLAZEMONGER is the
ULTIMATE GAME that plays FASTER THAN ANYTHING ELSE. Even though the
original game had NO BUGS, we decided to add LOTS OF FEATURES (the
feature not to blow up the monitor, the feature not to electrocute
the user, etc.), resulting in BLAZEMONGER III, BLAZEMONGER IV, and so
on. (There was no BLAZEMONGER II, as it was so BLINDINGLY FAST that
it LEAPED out of the computer and up into the STRATOSPHERE before we
could play it.)
So there you have it: the REAL TRUE FACTUAL MAGNIFICENT HISTORY
of BLAZEMONGER... straight from the SOURCE. If you have any questions,
we can send some of our "support people" around to straighten you out.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Date: 12 Sep 91 02:33:38 GMT
Newsgroups: comp.sys.amiga.advocacy
From: [email protected] (Dan Barrett)
Subject: Latest BM innovations (was: Valium Hardware Comparisons)
Summary: BLAZEMONGER in '92
Keywords: Asmodeus, prongs
In various and sundry articles, several gazillion people write:
>[OS/2 is God, OS/2 bites, OS/2 is, OS/2 isn't, OS/2 late, etc...]
First, I'd like to thank everyone folks for a beautifully reasoned,
polite, and fact-filled foray into the world of OS/2. I know I certainly
learned a lot. Like how to spell it.
Anyway, I am writing with some GOOD NEWS!! Thanks to you, we folks
at BLAZEMONGER INC. have decided to port BLAZEMONGER to the OS/2 platform!
Yes! This should satisfy all you folks who were planning on upgrading your
Amigas to run this fine operating system, but didn't want to lose your
GOD-GIVEN RIGHT to BLAST SLIME-BREATHING ALIENS into TINY PIECES OF LUNCH
MEAT!! And I don't blame you.
But the good news doesn't stop there! Not only are we *porting*
BLAZEMONGER... we are actually INTEGRATING BLAZEMONGER with OS/2, to form a
NEW, more POWERFUL, and [yes!] more VIOLENT operating system!!!
Introducing...
B S / 2
Yes, BLAZEMONGER SYSTEM/2 is the FASTEST OPERATING SYSTEM in the KNOWN
UNIVERSE!! NOTHING will be able to compete with it!! UNIX, VMS, DOS, Mac
OS, Emacs... *all* of these operating systems will SHRIVEL AND DIE in
the wake of the MIGHTY BS/2. Get a load of these AWESOME features:
oTRUE MULTITASKING! Hundreds or even THOUSANDS of processes
all running simultaneously in a BATTLE TO THE DEATH!!
oOver 500,000 LEVELS of FILESYSTEM for you to explore!!
oTotal MEMORY PROTECTION! Any program that attempts
to fiddle with another program's memory is BLASTED
INTO A MILLION PIECES!!
[PAUSED]
oRESOURCE TRACKING! Thanks to an innovative AUTO-MAPPING
facility, you will know EXACTLY where each resource is
HIDING!!
oAn unbelievable, multi-dimensional GUI!! Windows with
cracked glass, dripping blood, and UGLY HAGS peering out at
you! A mouse pointer shaped like a LASER DEATH RAY!
Magic SCROLL BARS covered with RUNES! And every file
has TEN ICONS... but nine of them are DEADLY TRAPS!!
oBackground daemons that are *REALLY* DAEMONS!! When a file
is sent to the printer, Yeenoghu Himself will hand you the
hardcopy!
oMulti-threaded processes, constructed from the very webs
of GIANT BLACK WIDOW SPIDERS!!
** PLUS: a unique PROGRAMMER'S INTERFACE... with *TWO* fire buttons!!
Yes, it's BS/2! Coming soon to finer retailers all over the
MAPLANE! Hurry and get your copy before IT gets YOU!!
Dan
ps:I probably should respond to a few questions about BLAZEMONGER that
I have been receiving by e-mail. It would appear we have a few
newcomers on the Net.
(?)"What is BLAZEMONGER?"
BLAZEMONGER is the FASTEST GAME EVER WRITTEN!! It was coded
for MAXIMUM SPEED by DIRECTLY rearranging the magnetic
particles on the disk --
no WIMPY programming languages for
US!! The game WHIZZES past your scorched eyeballs even
before you can TEAR OFF THE SHRINK-WRAP!!!
(?)"Where can I get it?"
[PAUSED]
REAL game-players KNOW where to get it.
(?)"Gosh, the above sounds suspiciously like a commercial. I
suppose you were involved in the creation and/or marketing
of the thing? If so, then the message is inappropriate for
et, unless of course you'd like to pay us all for <dist
ting it for you." [YES! This is an ACTUAL QUOTE!!]
OU for your insightful remarks. We will try to
your suggestion into a future version of the game.`
[Snort!]
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