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Borg- related taglines, a canonical list
Well, now that the traffic of `Borg' .sigs has died down <sigh of relief>
I believe it is now time to produce the fruits of our trials <scream of
horror>. That's right...I went to the trouble of compiling most of the
.sigs that were posted into a single posting! <high-pitched shreik of
agony> (Except one or two subtracted because I thought they just weren't
funny, this is a fairly complete list.) So, without any further ado,
<loud moan of pain>---will you stop that?---here's the list:
Please note that I reserve the right to edit out the ones I find too
obscure or not funny. :-)
------------Cut here, if you want to save this for posterity------------
------------Press `n' here, if you're sick and tired of this thread already------------
The one that started it all:
"I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assim... OOH! DONUTS!"
Okay, now the ones that actually belong on this newsgroup! :-)
"I am Bart of Borg ... Who the hell are you?", and in a similar vein,
"I'm Borg Simpson, who the hell are you?"
Chalkboard: `I will not assimilate others.'
"Mmmmmmmm...Borrrrrrg"
"I am Bart, of Borg. Having a cow is irrelevant. Eating my shorts is
useless. You will be assimilated."
"I am Flanders of Borg. Prepare to be assimilly-limilly-lated"
"I am Barney of Borg. Prepare to beUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRPPPPPP!!!!!"
"I am GrandPa of Borg. I was going to go assimilate some unions, and I
had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time..."
"Hi there, I'm Borg McClure. You might have seen me in such films as,
``Assimilation is Easy'', ``Let's Get Irrelevant'' or ``Borg 2000: The
Assimilation Milkman.''"
"HI KIDS! I'm Krusty the Assimilator, and this is my sidekick, Sideshow
Borg!"
"I am Apu of Borg. Would you care for some Assimilation Squishies?"
"I am Professor John Frink of Borg. With my new death ray, I can
assimilate almost everything!"
"I am Snake of Borg. Oh no... Assimilators."
"I am Otto of Borg. Assimilation is KEWL!!!!!!!!!!"
"I am Bart of Borg, assimilate my shorts!"
"I know the procedure for assimilation. I am a convenience store owner,
you know."
--- Apu
"I'm Edna Krabapple of Borg. What do you say we ... assimilate?"
[Editor's note: I don't remember Mrs. Krabapple ever saying this. But
she may have.]
"This is Chief Wiggins of Borg. Assimilate immediately or...(where's my
gun?)...or...uh...or you WON'T assimilate! (The game started yet?)"
"I am Barney of Borg. Are you gunna finish that beer...
AAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRPPP!"
"As the, uh, Mayor of this Borg, ... I say ``Let the assimilations
begin!''"
--- "Diamond Joe" Quimby
Now some more, in no particular order. (If I get totally bored, these might
appear in alphabetical order. But I make no promises.)
"I am Popeye of Borg. You will be askimilgrated."
"I am Porky Pig of Borg. You will be abbadi abbadi abbadi assimilated!"
"Hi, ho! Kermit the Borg here, with an assimilation news flash!"
"Borg...James Borg."
"I am Locutus, of the Hair Club for Men."
--- followed by ---
"I'm not just the owner -- I've been assimilated myself!"
[Australian relevance alert]
"I am Paulkeating of Borg. This is the assimilation we've had to have."
"I am Svedish Chef of Burg. Prepaur to bey Assimilatedy."
--- followed by ---
"Borg borg borg!"
"I am Deiter of Borg. Now is the time on Sprockets when we assimilate."
" "
--- Marcel Marceau of Borg.
"I am Delors of euroborg, prepare to be assimilated, I mean federated."
"I am Wayne of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated... NOT."
"Hi, friends, this is Oral Roborg! If yew send yer money to money t'me,
the Borg God Almighty will assimilate you into the promised land!"
"I Am Vadercus of Borg. You Will Be Assimilated, My Son."
"Hi. I'm Mr. Rogers of Borg. I'm going to assimilate you
into my neighborhood because that's my special job."
--- followed by ---
"Can you say "assimilate"? I knew you could."
--- followed by ---
"Hello boys and girls, I'm Mr. Rogers of Borg. The word for today is
assimilated. Can you say Assimilated? Good, I knew you could."
"I am Arnold Scwharzenneger of Borg. Prepare to be
assim...assimil...terminated!"
--- followed by ---
"Resistahnce is fuetil. Ahl be back, Picard."
"Hi. We're the Blues Brothers. We're on a mission from Borg."
"I am Muad'Dib of Borg, Usul of Stilgar's Seitch, Lisan Al-Gaib of the
Fremen, Kwistazt Haderach of the Bene Geserit, Paul Atreides son of
Leto, heir to the Imperial Throne...ahh Forget it!"
"We are Borg. Hear us roar!"
"I am Georgebush of Borg. No New Assimilations!"
"I assimilate you, you assimilate me...Happiness IS IRRELEVANT"
--- Barney the Borg
"Hello, my frenz. I'm Bob Swerski and I've been assimilated by...Da BORG!"
"I am Laxwana Troi of Borg, Daughter of the 5th House, Holder of the
sacred chalice, Keeper of the Holy Rings of Betazed and I want to
assimilate your body....
"I am Bjorn of Borg, We will be back to face you at Wimbledon!!"
--- borrowed from the Crouton Generation
"I'm Harvey Fierstein of Borg. I just wanna be assimilated, is that so
wrong?"
"This is Fonzie of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated... heyyyyy!
whoooaaaa!!!!"
"I am Koresh of Borg. Prepare to be ass-immolated."
"Hi. This is Stuart Smalley of Borg.
I wish to assimilate you, and that's... Okay.
"I am Wimpy of Borg. I will gladly assimilate you Tuesday for a hamburger
today."
"I am Buhweet of Borg. Wha dub addimilated mean?"
"Hi ho, hi ho, off to assimilate we go..."
--- (Borg White and the 7 lil'Borgs)
"We are the Borg Dummies! Remember, kids, to always assimilate your
seatbelt!
"I'm Rush of Borg, at the Limbaugh Institute for Advanced Conservative
Assimilation. Prepare yourselves, Ditto Heads!"
"I am Marvin of Borg. I'm really not feeling well today, will you shoot me
please?"
[Editor's note: I've *finally* read the Trilogy of Four (minus "Mostly
Harmless"), and I don't remember Marvin saying this. But
then again, I may be wrong.]
"I am Butthead of Borg. Prepare to be, uh, ass imilated.
I am Beavis of Borg. He said `ass' (hu hu hu hu hu)"
"I am Oprah of Borg - so why did you assimilate your husband?"
"I am Miss Borgfield! Gentlemen, start your assimilating!"
[Editor's note: This may or may not be a Simpsons reference. Since I'm
not sure, this isn't in the Simpsons section.]
Not really in keeping with the modified quotes, but here nonetheless.
(So sue me.)
Borgasms?
I Am Bored Of Borg. Not a joke, just a statement. Keep this irrelevancy
off Alt.tv.simpsons you sad Trekkies.
[Editor's note: I included this here because of the equal time laws. :-)]
"I am Locutus of Pontiac. You WILL buy the 1994 Grand Am.
Chrysler is Irrelevant. Dodge is Irrelevant. Ford is Irrelevant."
--- Patrick Stuart with his Pontiac commercials
Excerpt from a B.A. meeting...
`Will everyone please welcome Locutus?'
`Hi, Locutus.'
`My name's Locutus, and I'm a Borg. I havn't assimilated anyone for
almost two years now...'
HamBorger Helper?
"This is Toonces of Borg. Prepare to be assimilated, but first I will
drive this car in which we are riding, over a steep cliff!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No, that should be "Toonces the driving Borg." All the other borg would
realize who's driving just as the cube ship plows into a large planet. :)
[Editor's note: I tend to agree with this guy. Toonces, to the best of
my knowledge, never actually spoke. He just drove. But
not too well. :-)]
COMMERCIAL BREAK!
Scott Baio appears, wearing Borg costume, and is tap dancing in the
street, singing:
"I'm a Borg, he's a Borg , She's a Borg, We're all Borgs,
Wouldn't you like to be a Borg too?"
"Borg Express, don't be assimilated without it!"
"I am the programming executive of channel 9, you will be assimilated
next week, maybe, as long as the cricket/tennis/football/rugby/ice-hockey/
Wagga Wagga snail races arn't showing, and only after 10pm because prior
to that we are busy raising the intellectual level of the Australian
populace and providing the youth of this great country with more
realistic and relevant dreams thanks to shows such as cricket/football/
Days of our Lives/Married with Children etc..."
[Editor's note: don't there seem to be an awful lot of editor's notes?
:-)]
"I'm Ferris Bueller's econ teacher. ``Today we will 'A' something 'late'.
Assimilate.''"
And finally, the Do-It-Yourself Borg .Sig Kit!
IT'S HERE!!!
CREATE YOUR OWN HOURS OF AMUSEMENT!!!
HERE'S HOW:-
i) Pick your favourite minor celebrity who has anything approaching a
catchphrase.
ii) Add the phrase "Of Borg" to his/her name.
iii) Change one verb in the catchphrase to assimilate (conjugated to fit
the sentences subject)
iv) Err
V) That's it...
------------Cut here------------
--
Disclaimer: ``The word that comes to mind is `incredibly stupid'--
but that's *two* words.''
--Dave Vernest
Other Disclaimer: You may believe I'm speaking for BNR. *I* may
believe I'm speaking for BNR. *BNR* may believe
I'm speaking for BNR. But trust me, it just ain't so.
Warning: Please don't try to e-mail me, because you can't reach
me at BNR and I won't be back at university until Fall.
If I *could* e-mail, would I be posting here? (Don't
answer that. :-)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
| Mike Hammond | |
| 2B Co-op Student | ``Hasta la Vista...Abey.'' |
| BNR Ottawa | --Bart Simpson as |
| and the | John Wilkes Booth. |
| University of Waterloo | |
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
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