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Funny look at what doctors really mean.
What the Doctor says - What the Doctor really means
"This should be taken care of right away." "I'd planned a trip to Hawaii
next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it
curse itself."
"Welllllll, what have we here..." Since he hasn't the foggiest notion of
what it is, the Doctor is hoping you will give him a clue.
"We'll see." "First I have to check my malpractice insurance."
"Let me check your medical history." "I want to see if you've paid your last
bill before spending any more time with you."
"Why don't we make another appointment later in the week." "I'm playing
golf this afternoon, and this will take too long." -or- "I need the money, so
I'm charging you for another office visit."
"I really can't recommend seeing a chiropractor." "I hate those guys
mooching in on our fees."
"Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." Since he hasn't the faintest
idea of what to do, he is trying to appear thoughtful while hoping the
nurse will interrupt. (Proctologist also say this alot.)
"We have some good news and some bad news." The good news is he's going
to buy that new BMW, and the bad news is you're going to pay for it.
"Let's see how it develops." "Maybe in a few days it will grow into
something that can be cured."
"Let me schedule you for some tests." "I have a 40% intrest in the lab."
"I'd like to have my associate look at you." "He's going through a messy
divorce and owes me a small fortune."
"How are we today?" "I feel great. You, on the other hand, look like hell."
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug." "I'm writing a paper and would like to
use you for a guinea."
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call." "I don't know what the
hell it is. Maybe it will go away by itself."
"That's quite a nasty looking wound." "I think I'm going to throw up."
"This may smart a little." "Last week two patients bit through thier
tongues."
"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?" "I can't remember your
name, nor why you are here."
"This should fix you up." "The drug salesman guaranteed that it kills all
symptoms."
"Everything seems to be normal." "I guess I can't buy that new beach condo
after all."
"I'd like to run some more tests." "I can't figure out what's wrong. Maybe
the kid in the lab can solve this one."
"Do you suppose all of this stress could be affecting your nerves?" He
thinks you are crazy and is hoping to find a psychiatrist who will split
fees.
"Why don't you slip out of your things." "I don't enjoy this any more than
you do, but I've got to warm my fingers up somehow." -or- "I haven't had a
good laugh all day."
"If those symptoms persist, call for an appointment." "I've never heard of
anything so disgusting. Thank God I'm off next week."
"There is a lot of that going around." "My God, thats the third one this
week. I'd better learn something about this."
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