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Funky humor


There were these two dogs in a vet's waiting room, each eyeing the
other suspiciously. One of them turns to the other.

"What are you here for?" he asks.

"Well," replies the other, "I was feeling really bad the other day,
and Master's six year old son started bothering me. I tried to ignore
it, but I was feeling so rotten that I bit his hand off."

"I don't blame you. So, what are you here for?"

"Erm... well... Master reckons that I'm too vicious, so I'm going to
be... you know... I'm going to have the *operation*..."

"Oh dear. I'm sorry," sympathised the first dog.

Time passed. The about-to-be-neutered dog coughed politely.

"So," he asked, "What are you in here for?"

"Oh, nothing really," the other replied, embarrassed.

"Go on, tell me. Please..."

"OK. Well, it's like this. The bitch next door was in heat, and so I
was feeling... you know, a bit randy. Then Mistress came into the
kitchen wearing a short skirt and no underwear, and she bent over. I
just couldn't resist it!" admitted the dog.

"Oh, so you're here for the operation too, then."

"No," came the reply, "I'm here to have my nails clipped!"

------------------------------------------------------------

A man walks into a cake shop, goes up to the counter and asks for a doughnut.
The assistant picks up a pair of silver tongs, retrieves a doughnut and
places it on a dish.

The customer says to the assistant "That's very hygenic using a pair of tongs
to pick up the cake!"
"Oh yes sir. This is a very clean shop."
"Well in that case I think I'll also have a choclolate eclair too."

So the assistant picks up the silver tongs and retrieves a chocolate eclair.
While he's doing this the customer looks down and notices a piece of
string sticking out the trouser fly of the assistant.
"What's the string for?" asks the customer.

"Well sir, it's such a hygenic shop that if I want to go to the toilet
I must pull out my willy with the string. That way I don't touch it with
my hands."
The customer thought for a moment and said "Well how do you put it back
in then?"

"Oh that's easy," said the assistant "I use the tongs, silly!"

------------------------------------------------------------

Bumper sticker seen on Stealth bomber:
"IF YOU CAN READ THIS, THEN WE WASTED 50 BILLION BUCKS."

------------------------------------------------------------

Apparently this woman's minature schnauzer had an infection
in its ear. The vet told her that it was due to an ingrown
hair and that the best treatment would be to remove the
hair with a depilatory cream. The women went to a drug store
and asked the druggist for assistance in selecting an
appropriate product. He went on about how some were better
for use on legs and how some were gentler and better for
removing facial hair. He then said "May I ask where you
intend to use this?"

She replied "Well, it's for my schnauzer."

He said "OK, but you shouldn't ride a bike for two weeks."

------------------------------------------------------------

An Australian farmer is sitting on a stone near his farm, all in blood and
crying. His neighbor is passing by.

"What's wrong?" the neighbor asks.

"I bought a new boomerang," the crying guy answered.

"So, why are you crying?" the neighbor asks again.

"I cannot throw away the old one..."

------------------------------------------------------------


 
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