|
|
 |
|
|
|
register |
bbs |
search |
rss |
faq |
about
|
|
|
meet up |
add to del.icio.us |
digg it
|
|
|
|
Illuminati University theme song
The Illuminati University Alma Mater 11-16-90
by John M. Ford
Okay, fellow Illuminates, here it is:
THE ILLUMINATI UNIVERSITY THEME SONG
(to the tune of the Tiny Toon Adventures theme)
We deal in
Illusion
Hypnosis and confusion
And this institution has its eye on all below
A liberal college
Of weird forbidden knowledge
Our classes cover everything Man Wasn't Meant to Know
Behold the ancient buildings where our scholars work and dwell
They move when no one's looking and they all connect to Hell
Through these eldritch portals
We don't get many mortals
And everything considered, guess it's just as well
Illuminated attitudes pervade our faculty
From Evil Stevie's Library to Arcane R & D
Here man and cetacean
Serve up an education
In Space and Time Dilation
And Paradoxes too
Experimentation
With genes and radiation
Makes each graduation
A triumph for the few
(repeat tune of last verse)
The Archdean is an angel and the Art Curator's mad
And here you need a parachute to go through Drop and Add
There's placement and pretest
In Science Weird and Weirdest
Our annual Samhainfest
And Necronomicomp
Take Ethics for Tyrants
Or Laboratory Violence
Call Military Science
The Ogre's on the stomp
We're deep and
We're dotty
At dear Illuminati
The Higher Mystic Institute for one and all
(Admissions down the hall.)
Illuminati University now offers the following Home Study Courses:
* indicates a new course for the Spring Semester of 1991.
SELF-IMPROVEMENT:
Creative Suffering
Overcoming Peace of Mind
Guilt Without Sex
The Primal Shrug
Ego Gratification through Violence
Holding Your Child's Attention through Guilt and Fear
Dealing with Post Self-Realization Depression
Whine Your Way to Alienation
How to Overcome Self-Doubt Through Pretense and Ostentation
Sex and the Single 6th Grader
You and Your Birthmark
* A New Drug to Enhance Your Social Life
* How to Get Back From Boston
BUSINESS AND CAREER:
Money Can Make You Rich
Talking Good: How You Can Improve Speech and Get a Better Job
I Made $100 in Real Estate
Packaging and Selling Your Child: A Parent's Guide to the Porn Market
Career Opportunities in Iran
How to Profit from Your Own Body
Under-Achievers' Guide to Very Small Business Opportunities
Filler Phrases for Thesis Writers
Tax Shelters for the Indigent
Looter's Guide to American Cities
* Career Opportunities in El Salvador
* Career Opportunities in Iraq and Kuwait
* Growing Grass For Fun and Profit
* How to Lease out the Space Inside Your Nose
* Turning Unbearable Pain Into Part-Time Income
HOME ECONOMICS:
How You Can Convert Your Family Room into a Garage
How to Cultivate Viruses in Your Refrigerator
Burglar-Proof Your Home with Concrete
Basic Kitchen Taxidermy
Sinus Drainage at Home
101 Other Uses for Your Vacuum Cleaner
Repair and Maintenance of Your Virginity
How to Convert a Wheelchair Into a Dune Buggy
What To Do With Your Conversion Kit
HEALTH AND FITNESS:
Creative Tooth Decay
Exorcism and Acne
The Joys of Hypochondria
High Fiber Sex
Suicide and Your Health
Bio-Feedback and How to Stop It
Skate Your Way to Regularity
Understanding Your Nudity
Tap Dance Your Way to Social Ridicule
Optional Body Functions
* Live Forever or Die Trying
CRAFTS
Self-Actualization Through Macrame
How to Draw Genitalia
Needlecraft for Junkies
Cuticle Crafts
Mobiles and Collages with Fetishes
Gifts for the Senile
Bonsai Your Pet
|
|
|
To the best of our knowledge, the text on this page may be freely reproduced and distributed.
If you have any questions about this, please check out our Copyright Policy.
totse.com certificate signatures
|
|
|
About | Advertise | Bad Ideas | Community | Contact Us | Copyright Policy | Drugs | Ego | Erotica
FAQ | Fringe | Link to totse.com | Search | Society | Submissions | Technology
|
|
|
|
|
|
