|
|
 |
|
|
|
register |
bbs |
search |
rss |
faq |
about
|
|
|
meet up |
add to del.icio.us |
digg it
|
|
|
|
Bunch of jokes and one- liners, including many Bran
JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES JOKES
A bus loaded with women is returning from a church convention.
The bus overturns and all the women are killed.
They all go to heaven and St. Peter greets them at the Pearly Gates
to explain Heaven is full and they are putting them up in Hell until
a new subdivision is completed.
Three weeks later the devil frantically calls Peter and begs,
"Please take these women off my hands!"
St. Peter says, "I can't. I'm still having housing troubles!"
The devil says, "Troubles? You don't know what trouble is!
What with their cake bakes, rummage sales, and bazaars, these women
are only forty dollars short of air-conditioning this place!"
----
Two drunks were riding a roller coaster, when one turned to the
other and said, "We may be making good time, but I've got a
feeling we're on the wrong bus."
----
Branch Davidian Jokes:
What does Waco stand for?
What a cook out! (Or We All Cooked Ourselves!)
What do you call a Branch Davidian with a fire extinguisher?
A heretic.
What do you call a Scientologist with a flamethrower?
A copycat.
Q: Why did the compound in Waco burn to the ground?
A: They couldn't put out the fire with their Kool Aid. (tm)
Did you hear that David Koresh was a closeted gay?
He was flaming, but he didn't come out.
Q: Why don't we have more prophets like David Koresh?
A: It's such a high stress job that burnout is almost inevitable.
The Branch Davidian Church has split into two sects:
Orthodox and Extra-Crispy.
NBC found a sponsor for the David Koresh mini-series:
Weber Barbecues, Inc.
Q: What was the most popular name for Branch Davidian children?
A: Ashley.
Q: How can we avoid future tragedies like the Waco conflagration?
A: Strict OSHA standards requring automatic sprinkler systems for
all cult compounds that accomodate 50 or more fanatics.
Q: What was David Koresh's favorite breakfast cereal?
A: Crispy Critters!
Q: How is Waco like a Snickers bar?
A: Roasted nuts.
After the tragedy at Mt. Carmel on Monday, the Branch Davidians
will be holding a bar-b-que to attract new members.
Q: How did David Koresh find out he was Jesus Christ?
A: God spoke to him through a burning buiding.
What do you get when you cross David Koresh & Jeffrey Dahmer?
Brunch Davidian (barbeque naturally).
Q: Why is Al Gore so upset with the Branch Davidians?
A: Because of their contribution to global warming.
Q: Did you hear that David Koresh lost his job as the second messiah?
A: He got fired.
Q: Did you hear about the tragedy at Waco?
A: Evidently an NBC News crew was trying to move in for a close-up...
Q: Did you know that Ranch Apocalypse had an Internet connection?
A: Yes, and Koresh's last news post started: "Feel free to flame me, but..."
I bet the Branch Davidians were really surprised when they
woke up in Hell.
----
Q: What do you get when you cross a black person with an octopus?
A: An eight row cotton picker that doesn't work.
----
Q: Why don't Mexicans barbecue?
A: Because the beans keep falling off the grill.
----
Did you know that Alexander the Great actually invented the first wrist
watch? It was a piece of cloth that had been treated to turn different
colors at different angles of the sun, and it was worn around the wrist.
He called it Alexander's Rag Time Band.
----
Did you know the toilet seat was invented in Poland. The hole in it was
invented in U.S.A.
----
The L.A. Police Dept has a new slogan:
"We treat you like a King!"
New rules in the LAPD poker games:
4 clubs can beat a King.
I just got pulled over by the LAPD and boy am I beat!
----
All of David Koreshs' wives are now just old flames!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Koresh's new name in the hereafter is ---Bernie!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What was God's message to David after the fire? WELL DONE!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
David was so religious in his own weird way, that when he died, he
joined the priesthood as a Friar!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
David burnt down the compound in Waco, because he wanted to keep up with
the Joneses! (Jim Jones)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What burns 5 gallons of gas and doesn't go anywhere? The Waco Compound!
------------------------------------------------------------------
Who was David's Favorite celebrity? George Burns!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What was David's favorite game show? The Match Game!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
David's last words were...."I said a BUD lite!!!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
David had two favorite movies....Blazing Saddles and Backdraft!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Waco = What a Cook out!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The last thing that the FBI asked Koresch--"Hey, Dave, whats cookin'?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did David Koresh give up his standoff with the feds? Job Burnout!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the difference between Richard Pryor and David Koresh? Richard
was able to run when he caught fire!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
The David Koresh Memorial album will be out on K-Tel soon, you'll hear
such songs as:
C'mon Baby Light My Fire Smoke on the water
You light up my Life When you're Hot, Your Hot
A hunka, hunka Burnin Love Burn me down
16 candles All my Old Flames Have new Names
Wildfire Theme from Flashdance
Smoke gets in your eyes Tryin to hide a Fire in the Dark
and Heat Wave
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Overheard in the hallway: What do David Koresh and Rodney King have in
common? Now they are both black!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
New dish in Waco ---Koresh Kabobs!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
The Davidians are now known as crispy critters!
WHAT DID CLINTON SEND TO WACO??
MARSHMALLOWS!
----
BILL CLINTON'S NEW CABINET
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Secretary of Treasury............Charles Keating
Secretary of Defense.............Rodney King
Secretary of Transportation......Ted Kennedy
Secretary of Labor...............Anita Hill
Central Intelligence Agency......Ross Perot
Drug Enforcement Agency..........Marion Barry
Federal Reserve Chairman.........Ivan Boesky (From Jail)
Surgeon General..................Dr. Kavorkian
Veterans Administration..........Jane Fonda
New Family Values................Woody Allen
----
From: The Desk of the Personnel Manager
To: All Personnel
Subject: Program to Facilitate Termination of Surplus Personnel (PFTSP)
A comprehensive study of Computer Capabilities makes it necessary
to give consideration to the termination of surplus personnel.
In accordance with company policy a new program has been instituted
to phase out all surplus personnel by the end of the current fiscal
year. This program is known as RAPE (Retire All Personnel Early)
and is to be placed in effect immediately.
Employees who are RAPED will be given the oppurtunity to seek other
employment, provided that while they are being RAPED they request a
review of their employment record before discharge takes place.
This phase of the proceedure will go under the name of SCREW
(Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers).
All employees who have been RAPED and SCREWED may also appeal for a
final review. This final phase is known as SHAFT (Study by Higher
Authority Following Termination).
Present company policy dictates that employees may be RAPED once,
SCREWED twice, but SHAFTED as many times as deemed appropriate.
The Personnel Manager
----
Q. How do you stop 5 black guys from raping a white girl?
A. Throw them a basketball.
----
A man wants to become a citizen of Alaska, so they tell him the
qualifications. 1 drink a fifth of whiskey
2 wrestle a Polar Bear
3 have sex with an Eskimos
He chugged the whiskey, ran out the door, returned much later, ears
torn, hair removed from his head, clothes in shreds and exclaimed
"where is that Eskimo I'm gonna wrestle"
|
|
|
To the best of our knowledge, the text on this page may be freely reproduced and distributed.
If you have any questions about this, please check out our Copyright Policy.
totse.com certificate signatures
|
|
|
About | Advertise | Bad Ideas | Community | Contact Us | Copyright Policy | Drugs | Ego | Erotica
FAQ | Fringe | Link to totse.com | Search | Society | Submissions | Technology
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
TSHIRT HELL T-SHIRTS
|
