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A lot of Your mama's so - that she - jok
Your Mama's So.....
1. fat, when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.
2. stupid, it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
3. fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat in the rain, people run to her and
yell "Taxi!"
4. stupid, when she saw the "NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)" sign, she went
home and got 16 friends.
5. fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.
6. fat, she has to iron her pants on the driveway.
7. fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.
8. fat, she has to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.
9. fat, she has to grease her hands to get into her pockets.
10. nasty, when she goes to the hair salon, she told the stylist to trim her
hair and opened up her shirt.
11. fat, when she tripped on Walnut, she landed on Spruce.
12. ugly, when she's taking a shower, it's like "Gorillas in the Mist."
13. ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals"
14. ugly, she looked out the window and got arrested for mooning.
15. ugly, just after her birth, her mother saw the after-birth and said
"Twins!"
16. ugly, just after her birth, the doctor slapped her mother.
17. ugly, just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her
father said "Yeah! Let's go bury it!"
18. stupid, she placed a ruler on her pillow so she can see how long she can
sleep.
19. old, I told her to act her own age, and the bitch died.
20. ugly, they push her fact into dough to make gorilla cookies.
21. ugly, when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.
22. poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she
was doing, she said "Moving."
23. ugly, they didn't make a costume for her when she tried out for Star Wars.
24. fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.
25. ugly, when she walks into a bank, they turned off the surveillence cameras
26. fat, the highway patrol made her wear a "Caution! Wide Turn" sign.
27. stupid, when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a
spoon.
28. fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.
29. fat, when she steps on a scale, it read "One at a time, please."
30. stupid, she told everyone that she was "illegitimate" because she couldn't
read.
31. fat, I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas.
32. ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.
33. ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck so the dog will play
with her.
34. ugly, when she walks down the street in September, people say "Damn!
Is it Halloween already?"
35. stupid, she died before the police arrived because she couldn't find the
"11" button for "9-1-1."
36. stupid, she tried to steal a police car because she thought 911 meant
Porsche.
37. ugly, the govt. moved Halloween to her birthday.
38. stupid, when she heard 90% of all crimes occurs around homes, she moved.
39. ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.
40. stupid, after she watched the ballerinas, she asked "Why don't they get
taller girls?"
41. ugly, she makes onions cry.
42. ugly, when she walks into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.
43. nasty, her hairy armpits look like she's got Buckwheat in a head lock.
44. fat, the shadow of her ass weighed 50 pounds.
45. fat, her navel gets home 15 minutes before she does.
46. stupid, she's got blonde roots in her eyeballs.
47. stupid, she got fired from M & M factory for throwing out all W's.
48. ugly, her mom had to feed her with a sling shot.
49. fat, if she weighed 5 more pounds, she could get group insurance.
50. fat, she jumped in air and got stuck.
51. fat, she can't wear a "X" t-shirt because the helicopter kept trying to
land on her.
52. ugly, when she puts her face next to the bowl trying to hear snap-crackle-
and-pop, all she heard was "ARGHHHHHHHH!!! Let's get the hell outta here."
53. stupid, if you give her a penny for her intelligence, you'll get change
back.
54. gullible, when she was learning how to swim, she said to the instructor:
"Will I really sink if you take the finger out?"
55. fat, if she was a superhero, she would be "incredible bulk."
56. old, she co-wrote one of the ten commandments.
57. stupid, she was locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
58. poor, they put her picture on food stamps.
59. fat, God said "Let there be light," right after she moved her fat ass.
60. ugly, it makes me wish birth control is retroactive.
61. stupid, she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.
62. ugly, her face is closed on weekends.
63. fat, a picture of her fell off the wall.
64. fat, she uses a matress as a maxi-pad.
65. ugly, the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.
66. fat, at the zoo the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
67. old, she owes Jesus Christ a quarter.
68. stupid, she sold her car for gas money.
69. old, her social security number is 1.
70. ugly, she had to trick-or-treat over the phone.
71. fat, she's on both sides of the family.
72. ugly, when she gets up, the sun goes down.
73. ugly, two guys broke into her apt., she yelled "rape", they yelled "NO!"
74. poor, she can't even pay attention.
75. fat, when she wears a red dress in the summer, kids run after her
yelling, "Cool Aid! Cool Aid!"
76. stupid, she thinks St. Ides is a church.
77. fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
78. fat, when she swims, she leaves stretch marks on the swimming pool.
79. fat, when she goes to a restaurant, she orders everything on the menu,
including "Thank You, Come Again."
80. ugly, when she was lying on the beach, the cat tried to bury her
81. black, she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.
82. poor, she went to Kentucky Fried Chicken and licked everyone else's
fingers.
83. old, she knew Burger King When he was a prince.
84. old, she's got Jesus' beeper number.
85. dumb, she puts lipstick on her head so she can make up her mind
86. fat, her blood type is Regu
87. stanky, she gives sourdough yeast infection
88. fat, when she auditioned for a part in "Indiana Jones," she got the part
as the big rolling ball
89. stupid, she failed her blood test
90. fat, she broke her leg and gravy came out
91. fat, when she sat on a dollar bill, blood came out of George Washington's
nose
92. dark, when the cops shot at her, the bullets came back for flashlights
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