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Netwit Vol. 2 #13
From: MX%"[email protected].edu" 1-AUG-1992 05:00:58.11
To: COMPTEC91006
CC:
Subj: Netwit Volume 2, Number 13
To: [email protected]
X-Mailer: fastmail [version 2.3 PL11]
[Ok, I have some bad news. Someone is going around forging articles from me,
and sending them to all of you. One of these articles was the new Netwit intro
message. Admitidly, it was a very good copy, but alert reader, Ron Dippold
<[email protected]> caught the fraud, who made the fatal error of
spelling "Dave Barry", "Dave Berry". Obviously, *I*, a devout fan of Mr.
Barry, would never make such a terrible blunder. Please, if anyone else spots
any more such forged articles, be sure and let me know... -jk]
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: <unknown>
Subject: [UGH!]
Liberated from Henry_Cate_III's 'Life'. ([email protected])
______
A ship carrying red paint has collided with a ship carrying purple paint.
It is reported that both crews have been marooned.
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: <unknown>
Subject: [News of the weird?]
Liberated from Henry_Cate_III's 'Life'. ([email protected])
______
Would-be burglar Steven Little, thirty-two, had drunk thirty-five
dollars' worth of beer before his attempt to break into a boot store in
Longmont, Colorado, so it wasn't until he began trying to pry open the front
door with a crowbar that he realized the shop was still open and people were
staring at him from inside. Little made off empty-handed, but was later found
by police asleep in his van.
Rocky Mountain News
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Submitted by: Mike Arras <[email protected]>
Subject: Golfing with women.
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A golfer and his wife are playing and he slices his tee shot over
behind a shed. After examining the situation, he concludes that if
they open both the front and rear doors of the shed, he could play
his second shot through the shed. He lines up and his wife goes to
open the doors. As she is waiting, she wonders what is happening and
peeks around the door. Unfortunately, just at that moment her husband
hits and his ball strikes her squarely in the head, killing her instantly.
The distraught husband avoids golf for a year, but 5 years later he is
remarried and happily playing golf again with his new wife. Oddly
enough, he happens to slice on the same hole and lands in almost the
same spot. His wife says, "Honey, if I open the front and back door
of that shed, I think you could play through." He answers, "No, don't
do that. The last time I tried that I took an 8 on this hole!"
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: Mike Arras <[email protected]>
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Did you hear of Evil Kenevils next stunt? He's going to ride a
motorcycle through Ethiopia with a roast turkey strapped to his back.
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: Mike Arras <[email protected]>
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The old rooster was getting on in years, but he wasn't quite
ready to give up his flock of hens yet. so when another young rooster
came strutting around the henhouse, the old rooster eyed him and said,
"look, son, i'm a bit old for fighting, so i'll make you a deal."
"sure, pops", said the cocky (i know, i know) young rooster.
"let's hear it".
"i'll race you around the barn, and if i win, you gotta
leave", said the old rooster, "and if you beat me, i'll just mosey on
down the road, and all these cute little hens will be yours."
the young rooster looked at the old rooster's bony, bent legs,
and said "you're on, gramps!"
"just one more thing", said the old rooster, "you gotta give
me three steps head start".
"ha ha! no problem", said the young rooster. "you just take
off any time you're ready". with that, the old rooster took off
around the barn. when he had gone three steps, the young rooster ran
after him. as they rounded the first corner, the young rooster had
easily made up a step on the old rooster. by the time they reached
the second corner, he had made up a second step. by then, the old
rooster was breathing hard, and the young rooster was only a short
step behind. as they rounded the last corner, and headed down the
home stretch, the farmer stepped out of the barn with his
double-barreled shotgun, and blew the young rooster into a pile of
sticky feathers.
"god damn it!", shouted the farmer. "that's the third queer
rooster this month!"
______________________________________________________________________________
Submitted by: Denise Miller <[email protected]>
Author: Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Subject: Toilet Toupee,
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Toilet Toupee, n.:
Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus
creating endless annoyance to male users.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
__________________________Send Jokes--Have a nice day._________________________
The above collection of characters was mailed to you by Jeffrey H. Knodel.
The humor contained herin is in the public domain (unless otherwise noted),
and is yours to do with as you please. Submissions, questions, etc. should
be sent to [email protected].edu. To subscribe, send me a letter asking
to be added, and include your correct internet address in the body.
[For anyone who may have left their brain in a glass of water next to their
bed this morning, No one has been forging articles from me, I just myspelt
Berry as Barry, err, Barry as Berry, err, anyway, I'm berry, err, barry sorry.]
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