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The OS Virtual Universe
Programming announcement from IBM:
NEW OPERATING SYSTEM:
Because so many users have asked for an operating system of even
greater capability than VM, IBM announces the Virtual Universe Operating
System --- OS/VU.
Running under VU the individual user appears to have not merely
a machine of his own, but an entire universe of his own, in which he can
set up and take down his own programs, data sets, system networks,
personnel and planetary systems. He need only specify the universe he
desires, and the OS/VU system generation program (IEHGOD) does the rest.
This program resides in SYS1.GODLIB. The minimum time for this function
is 6 days of activity and 1 day of review. In conjunction with OS/VU,
all system utilities reside in SYS1.MESSIAH. This program has no parms
or control cards, as it knows what you want to do when you execute it.
Naturally, the user must have attained a certain degree of
sophistication in the data processing field if an efficient utilization
of OS/VU is to be achieved. Frequent calls to non-resident galaxies can,
for instance, lead to unexpected delays in the execution of a job.
Although IBM, through its wholly-owned subsidiary, the United States, is
working on a program to upgrade the speed of light and thus reduce the
overhead of extraterrestrial and metadimensional paging, users must be
careful for the present to stay within the laws of physics. IBM must
charge an additional fee for violations.
OS/VU will run on any IBM x0xx equipped with the Extended WARP
Feature. Rental is 20 million dollars per cpu/nanosecond.
Users should be aware that IBM plans to migrate all existing
systems and hardware to OS/VU as soon as our engineers effect one output
that is (conceptually) error free. This will give us a base to develop
an even more powerful OS, target date 2001, designated as 'Virtual
Reality'. OS/VR is planned to allow the user to migrate to totally
unreal universes. To aid the user in identifying the difference between
'Virtual Reality' and 'Real Reality', a file containing a linear record
of multisensory total records of successive moments of now will be
established. It's name will be SYS1.EST.
WARNINGS TO USERS OF VU:
During the IPL process, do not respond to the message "SPECIFY
SYSTEM COMMANDMENTS" with MOSES or NOAH - MOSES results in a 40 year
down time, while NOAH only results in a 40 day and 40 nite down time.
OTHER QUIRKS OF INTEREST:
Programs no longer ABEND; they NOVA.
A black hole occasionally appears in the supervisor and sucks up
CICS. (A possible enhancement, but IBM says a bug.)
Great care must be taken when mixing data with anti-data.
Many users have discovered that with VU, their 6670 laser
printers can now produce output on tablets, thus increasing the
credibility of their reports. This is achieved by using high-intensity
attribute bytes instead of the usual carriage-controls. Unfortunately,
this practice can have undesirable side effects upon operators,
especially during forms changing and line-up. IBM has announced that it
will accede to OHSA demands, and has retained Robert Heinlein, author of
"Starship Troopers" to assist in the design of proper operator attire.
Be careful of spelling development data set libraries. One user
created a data set called SYS2.DEVILIB, and everything went to Hell.
ADDITIONAL PROGRAM PRODUCT ANNOUNCEMENTS:
IBM has also announced a new teleprocessing access method, the
Warped Hyperspace Access Method (WHAM). This spectacular product will
soon be available to OS/VU users. The most significant feature being
that data transmitted at a given time will arrive at it's destination
before it has been transmitted. This is due in part to some of the
development work being done by the OS/VU development team while
attempting to solve the aforementioned paging problems with non-resident
galaxies.
Although the planning for this project has not yet begun, it is
expected that the ability to send data backwards in time will result in
near immediate availability. IBM plans to transmit this new access
method to current users of OS/VU directly from the future.
Specifications will not be available until the product has been
fully tested (which means probably never). When asked what
communications controller would be used, IBM declined to answer on the
basis that they simply didn't know yet.
NEW NETWORK ARCHITECTURE FOR OS/VU USERS:
IBM announced the development of the Teleporting Network
Architecture (TNA) which will replace SNA for users of OS/VU. With this
advanced networking capability, telephone lines or satellite
communications will no longer be necessary. With TNA's revolutionary new
molecular protocol, data will be directly beamed between nodes in your
network. With the Multi-Planetary Network Facility (MPNF - available at
an extra charge), you may beam data to nodes on different planets and/or
galaxies.
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