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Paramedics from Hell 6
From : Phil Arnold 25 May 95
Subj : Paramedics from Hell 6
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There are _many_ different types of restraints available to the - ahem -
medical professional:
A) The traditional leather restraint - now falling out of favor, since
leather is damn hard to clean, and does not conform to OSHA standards
for blood-borne pathogens.
B) The new hard plastic restraints, same design as the leather one, but
easier to clean. Every time I see them, brings a nostalgic tear to my
eye. Gone are the days when one could say: "I think he/she/it needs
the _leathers_."
C) A pre-packaged, single-use restraint, which is made of foam-padding, and
skimpy-looking straps.
ObAside: I once applied this type of restraint on a person who had just
taken PCP. During the ride up to the hospital, I kept whispering in his
ear that he had killed his entire family. Since he was rather disoriented,
and probably couldn't see straight, _and_ was restrained, I figured he
would be no problem.
We arrived at the hospital, wheeled the patient into the ER lobby. He was
still restrained to the stretcher. He came to, and the ten minute 'whisper'
session I had with him finally connected. With a roar, he rocked back-n-
forth, until the stretcher tipped-over, he got to his feet - _with the
stretcher still tied to him_, and ran out of the ER and down the street.
He then noticed the flimsy restraints on his arms, and snapped them off with
a shrug. The stretcher fell away from him, and with another load roar, he
ran away, howling into the night.
"He's getting away! Somebody do something!" said a nurse.
"Listen, if you think I'm going after him - you're crazy." said my partner.
"Don't look at me - you're just lucky he didn't think you were a bottle of
soda - with a twist-off top."
Overheard during an autopsy:
Observer: Did he die of a cardiac arrest?
Coroner: Well, the baseball bat helped a bit.
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