Proof of TOTSE's Affiliation with the UADW, CDE, IGAUD

by The Good Reverend Gaylord

I am Reverend Gaylord, of the Springfield Church of the Crucifixion. For the last three years I have been researching three organizations that are actively pursuing the control or eradication of our planet, and which act independently of each other. These organizations are:

United Association of Devil Worship (UADW)
Center for the Destruction of the Earth (CDE)
Internation Group for the Advancement of Urine Drinkers (IGAUD)

The UADW has been trying to increase atheism the world over, prying people away from the word of God. Once all of the world has abandoned the Lord God, the UADW will begin teaching from the 'Sacred Book of Blood,' that most despised book that holds the Souls that have been eaten by Satan. The UADW hopes to then unleash the Evil Souls of Hell upon the world, where they will control all non UADW-members into anal sex slaves. (anal sex is of course the preferred method of sex for demons and Hellish souls)

The CDE actively pursues weapons of mass destruction. They hope to use these weapons to blow up the planet. They believe that the violence of the explosion will suck Heaven towards the exploding planet, and all of the people of the world would be sucked into Heaven. However, the Church of Cricifixion teaches that Heaven is not physically located within the universe.

The IGAUD are pagan scum. They believe there are three gods. The male god, Ag, urinates into the mouth of the female god, Ug. Ug then urinates the recycled urine into the mouth of the camel god, Og. They believe that Og has a great penis which reaches into heaven, and urinates into the mouth of the male god Ag. Thus, the urine cycles through the three gods. The IGAUD believe that if every human and camel drinks each others urine, that the gods will return to the world, and all urine-drinkers will become kings.

I have been researching these three organizaions, attempting to find a link between them. For years, I have not been able to find any connection, until recently. When sifting through the garbage at the UADW, CDE, and IGAUD headquarters, I have found shredded documents, which I taped together. They clearly show that TOTSE.COM has been using the funds that it earns from selling T-Shirts and Adult Check IDs to subsidize these organizations. You devil-worshipping, earth-destroying, urine-drinking TOTSE administrators will not get away with it! I will be sending this document to every BBS that I know of! TOTSE will be destroyed!