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Southern slang descriptions funny
1? ? s * 2 2 2 2 2 3 Translating Southern United States to English
(they love to rag on us-it is because we are more polite!!)
BARD - verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother
bard my pickup truck."
JAWJUH - noun. A highly flammable state just north of Florida. Usage: "My
brother from Jawjah bard my pickup truck."
MUNTS - noun. A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I aint herd from
him in munts."
IGNERT - adjective. Not smart. See "Auburn Alumni." Usage: "Them N-C-TWO-A
boys sure are ignert!"
RANCH - noun. A tool.
Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother
from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
ALL - noun. A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
FAR - noun. A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh doesn't change the all in my pickup
truck, that things gonna catch far."
BAHS - noun. A supervisor.
Usage: "If you don't stop reading these Southern words and git back to
work, your bahs is gonna far you!"
TAR - noun. A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh doesn't git a flat tar
in my pickup truck."
TIRE - noun. A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willing and the creeks don't rise, I sure do hope to see that
Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
HOT - noun. A blood-pumping organ.
HOD - adverb. Not easy.
Usage: "A broken hot is hod to fix."
RETARD - Verb. To stop working.
Usage: "My granpaw retard at age 65."
TARRED - adverb. Exhausted.
Usage: "I just flew in from Hot-lanta, and boy my arms are tarred."
RATS - noun. Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willing to fight for out rats."
LOT - adjective. Luminescent.
Usage: "I dream of Jeanie in the lot-brown hair."
FARN - adjective. Not local.
Usage: "I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed ... must be from some farn
country."
DID - adjective. Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."
EAR - noun. A colorless, odorless gas (unless you are in LA). Usage: "He
can't breathe ... give 'em some ear!"
BOB WAR - noun. A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
JU-HERE - a question.
Usage: "Juhere that former Dallas Cowboys' coach Jimmy Johnson recently
toured the University of Alabama?"
HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah ... haze ignert."
SEED - verb, past tense.
VIEW - contraction: verb and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City ... view?"
HEAVY DEW - phrase. A request for action. Usage: "Kin I heavy dew me a
favor?"
GUMMIT - Noun. An often-closed bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Great ...
ANOTHER gummit shutdown!"
Item Subject: cc:Mail Text
Top 10 Ways That Life Would Be Different If Microsoft Built Cars: -
10. New seats would require everyone to have the same size butt.
9. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas(tm).
8. The U.S. Government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker,
instead of giving them.
7. The oil, alternator, gas, and engine warning lights would be replaced
by a single "General Protection Car Fault" warning light.
6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as
reliable, five times as fast, but would only run on 5% of the roads.
5. You would constantly be pressured to upgrade your car.
4. You could only have one person in your car at a time, unless you bought
Car '95 or Car NT; but then, you'd have to buy more seats.
3. Occasionally, your car would just die for no reason, and you would have
to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this as
normal.
2. Every time the lines on the road were repainted, you'd have to buy a
new car.
And the number one way that life would be different if Microsoft built
cars,
1. People would get excited about the new features in Microsoft cars,
forgetting completely that they had been available in other brands for
years. (Hmmmm...)
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Item Subject: cc:Mail Text
How to tell if you might be a "high tech redneck"
(source unknown)
If your e-mail address ends in ".over.yonder.com"
If you connect to the World Wide Web via a "Down Home Page"
If the bumper sticker on your truck says "My other computer is a laptop"
If your laptop has a sticker that says "Protected by Smith and Wesson"
If you've ever doubled the value of your truck by installing a cellular
phone.
If your baseball cap reads "DEC" instead of "CAT"
If your computer is worth more than all your cars combined
If your wife said "either she or the computer had to go", and you still
don't miss her
If you've ever used a CD-ROM as a coaster to set your beer on
If you ever refer to your computer as "Old Bessy"
If your screen saver is a bitmap image of your favorite truck, tractor, or
farm animal
If you start all your e-mails with the words "Howdy y'all"
Usage: "Lord ? s w K ? o*/ Q?[?[H o, ?[?? ? P / n??[o,QH ?[? ?[??[?[?[n, o,?[? o*?[?/ o*?
???` o,?,, W ? ? ??? ??? ??: ??R ??T ??? ??? ??? ??? ?> ??N ??P ??? ??? ??? ??? ?? ??@ ??B ?? B l ??? ??? ??? ?? ?D ??F ??b ??? ??? ??? ??? ??< ??R ??T ??s ??? ??? ??? ?? ?? ?? ??H ??i ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??! ??] ??_ ??~ ??? ??? ??? ?? ??" ?? ??A ?? A Z ??\ ??? ??? ??? ??? ??+ ??- ??D ??? ??? ??? ??? ?? ?? ??
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