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To my Loving Wife
To my loving wife.
------------------
During the past year, I have tried to
seduce you 365 times. I have only
succeeded 35 times. This is an average
of one every ten days. The following is
a list of the reasons why I did not
succeed more often:
Wake the children...................17
It's too late.......................23
I'ts too hot........................15
It's too cold........................5
It's too early......................15
You were pretending to be asleep....45
Window open,neigbours might hear.....9
Backache.............................8
Toothace.............................7
Giggles..............................6
Too full.............................3
Not in the mood......................1
Baby was crying......................9
Watch the late show..................7
Mud pack.............................4
New hair do..........................5
Company next room....................3
You had to go to the bathroom.......11
Headache............................19
During the 35 times I did succeed the
activity was not entirely satisfactory
because:
2 times you decided the ceiling needed
painting.
5 times you chewed your gum the whole
time.
4 times you watched TV over my shoulder18 times you told me to hurry up and
get it over with.
6 times I had to wake you up to tell
you we were through.
And one I was afraid I had hurt you
because I felt you move.
Honey it's no damm wonder I drink so
much!
Your loving husband.
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