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A chemical analysis of a woman
WOMAN
(A chemical Analysis)
Element: woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Weight: accepted as 118 but is known to vary from 100 - 160 lbs.
Occurence: surplus quantities in all urban areas.
Physical Properties:
1) suface usually covered in painted film
2) boils at nothing, freezes without reason
3) melts if given proper treatment
4) bitter if used incorrectly
5) found in various states, ranging from virgin metal, to common ore
Chemical Properties:
1) possess great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones
2) able to absorb great quantities of expensive substances
3) may explode spontaneously if left alone with a male
4) insoluable in liquids but activity greatly increased by saturation in
alcohol
5) yields to pressure applied to correct points
Uses:
1) highly ornamental, especially in sports cars
2) most powerful money-reducing agent known
3) can be a great aid to relaxation
Tests:
1) pure specimen turns a rosy tint if discovered in natural state
2) turns green if placed beside a better specimen
Caution:
1) highly dangerous except in experienced hands
2) illegal to posses more than one
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