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1? ? ? A G G H I I NORMAL.STY EPFX J Useful phraes to know when travelling in Iraq:

AKBAR KHALI-KILI KAFTIR OLTFAN
Thank you for showing me your marvellous gun.
FEKR GABUL CARDAN DAVAT PAEH GUSH DIVAR
I am delighted to accept your kind invitation to lie down on
the floor with my arms above my head and my legs apart.
SHOMAEH PEKR TAMOMEH OEH GOFTEH BANDE
I agree with everything you have ever said or thought in your
life.
AUTO ARRAREGH DAVATEMAN MANO SEPAWEH-HAST
It is exceptionally kind of you to allow me to travel in the
trunk of your car.
FASHAL-EHTUPEKMAN NA DEGATMANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMARA
IEBEHKAESHVAREHMAN
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital
appendages I will gladly reciprocate by betraying my country
in public.
KHREL IEPAHEH MANEH VAJAYETI AMRIKAHEY
I will tell you the names and addresses of many American spies
travelling as reporters.
BALLI, BALLI, BALLI
Whatever you say.
MATERNIERZ GHERMEZ AHLIEH GHOREAN
The red blindfold would be lovely, excellency.
TIKEH NUNEH BA OB KHRELLEH BEZORG VA KHRUEBE BOY ASTINO BERGERAM
The water-soaked bread crumbs are delicious, thank you. I must
have the recipe.
***
This guy goes to a party, Way up in Northern Alberta where there is lots of
wild parties, hes getting really pissed drinking this "Imported from BC beer" called Kokanee, and hao take a piss. He goes around looking for the can, but notices they don't seem to have one, so he se people where the can is, and they say outside, around the side of the balcony.. so outside he ges ad finds it's an outhouse.. He goes in, and Wow... Luxury...3 holes! and one was being used.. s hegoe to the far one, and pulls down his pants, and oops, holey shit, he drops 2 dimes and a nickl don ino the hole. He's getting really pissed off, so he reaches into his wallet and pulls out a$20 bll, ad throws it down the hole too.. The guy at the other hole stands up and shouts. "HEY MAC, WHATTHE HEL YOU DOING THROWING $20 DOWN THE HOLE FOR?" and he replys.. "YOU DONT EXPECT ME TO GODOWN THRE FOR 5c DO YOU?"
***
Whats the worst thing about eating rabbit?
Their little feet kicking you in the face!
***
hat do men have in their shorts that women don't want in their face ?
Wrinkles.
***
What's the difference between a stick-up and a hold-up?
Age.
***
Why did the female deer leave the woods?
Because she didn't like what she had to do for two bucks.
***
25 Questions for Your Heterosexual Friends ....

1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2. When and how did you decide that you were heterosexual?
3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may
grow out of?
4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of
others of the same sex?
5. Isn't it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?
6. Heterosexuals have histories of failures in gay relationships. Do you
think you may have turned to heterosexuality in fear of rejection?
7. If you've never slept with a person of the same sex, how do you know you
wouldn't prefer it?
8. If your heterosexuality is normal, why are a disportionate number of
mental patients heterosexual?
9. With whom have you discussed your heterosexuality? How did they react?
10. Your heterosexuality doesn't offend me as long as you don't try to force it on me. Why do peopleel compelled to seduce others into their sexual orientation ?
11. If you choose to nurture children, would you want them to be heterosexual, knowing the problems y would face?
12. The great majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose your ldren to heterosexual teachers?
13. Why do you insist on being so obvious and making a public spectacle of
your heterosexuality? Can't you just be who you are and keep it quiet?
14. How can you ever hope to become a real person if you limit yourself to a compulsive, exclusive hrosexual object choice, and remain unwilling to
explore and develop your normal, natural, God-given homosexual potential?
15. Heterosexuals are noted for assigning themselves and each other to narrowly restricted sex roleshy do you cling to such unhealthy role-playing?
16. How can you enjoy a fully satisfying sexual experience of deep emotional rapport with a person ohe opposite sex, when the obvious physical, biological, and tempermental differences between you aes vast? How can a man understand what pleases a woman sexually or vice-versa?
17. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
18. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiralling. Why are there sew stable relationships among heterosexuals?
19. How could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual like you, considering the menace overpopulation?
20. There seem to be few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed with which you might bele to change if you want to. Have you ever tried therapy?
21. A disportionate number of criminals, welfare recipients, and other irresponsible or anti-social es are heterosexual. Why would you want to hire a heterosexual for a responsible position?
22. Do heterosexuals hate and/or distrust others of their own sex? Is that
what makes them heterosexual?
23. Why are heterosexuals so promiscuous?
24. Why do you make a point of attributing hetersexuality to famous people? Is it to justify your oweterosexuality?
25. Could you really trust a heterosexual therapist/counsellor to be objective and unbiased? Don't yfear that s/he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of her his own leanings?
***
What does Jordan do when he first wakes up?
He rolls over and wakes up Donny!!!!
***
What do you do with 365 used condoms?
Melt them dowm into a tire and call it a GOOD YEAR!
***
Brian Mulroney and George Bush met in Washington recently. While there, Brian asked George for ittle advice.
"George, " he said, "I dunno how you do it. You've got unemployment,
poverty, homeless people, and 400,000 troops still in the gulf, not to
mention a 300 trillion dollar deficit, and you still have a popularity
rating of 85% or more. Back home, I'm only supported by 21% of the
electorate.... What's your secret?"
"Well, Brian," replied the President, "You've got to surround yourself
with competent and intelligent people... Here...hold on!" And the president wanders over to Dan Qua and returns to Brian with the VP in tow.
"Here," announces the president. "Dan, say there are three people all
born to your mother: There's your brother and your sister. Whose the
third?"
"Well, that's easy... that's me.... Dan Quayle."
"See?" commented Bush.
So first thing Brian does when he gets back to Ottawa is call Joe Clark into his office.
"Joe," he says, "I have a question for you. There are three people all born to your mother....st pretend now.... If one is your brother, and the other is your sister, who is the third."
And silence reigned for some time, until Joe mumbled, "Gee that's tough.....when do you want thnswer?"
"Take your time!" responds the PM.
So Joe, now confused, leaves the Prime Minister's office. A minute
later, who should he run into but Brian Wilson.
"Brian!" exclaims Mr. Clark. I gotta problem. "If there are three
people born to your mother, and one is your brother, and the other is your
sister, who is the third?"
"Uh..." ponders Mr. Wilson. "Well, lessee... that.. that would be...
uh.. ME! ME! Brian Wilson!"
"Oh, gosh darn, thanks!"
So Joe hurries back to the PM's office, all excited... "Brian! Brian! I've got your answer!" "Which is?" Prompted Mulroney.
"It's Brian Wilson."
"Oh, Joe, it isn't you, you stupid idiot!" raved the PM, "It's Dan Quayle"
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