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More Jokes
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over, Rover drover,
And she found out he had a bone of his own.
***
Notice to Employees:
Due to the recent outbreak of AIDS, Kissing Ass has been temporarily
suspended.
***
Why did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
how the fuck do you find an egg in all this shit..
***
Whats the difference between MONO and HERPES?
You get MONO from snatching a kiss.
***
Why can you circumcise Pakis?
Because there's no end to those pricks.
How do you get 100 pakis into a telephone booth?
With K-Tel's "Paki-Stacker"
***
What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cherios?
"Oh neat! Donut seeds"
***
Two blondes were on their way to Toronto. They saw a sign that
said "Toronto LEFT".
So, they went home.
***
What do you call a blonde with a balloon on her shoulder?
Siamese Twins.
***
Did you here about the blonde who had a job at the M & M factory?
She got fired for throwing out all the W's.
***
I am using Smogarian instead of some other name so I won't offend anybody.
It could only happen to a Smogarian!
Did you hear about the Smogarian who?
1. Spent four days in Sears looking for a wheel for a miscarriage.
2. Looked in a lumber yard for a draft board.
3. Tried to throw himself on the ground and missed.
4. Took a roll of toilet paper to the craps game.
5. Was so lazy he married a pregnant woman.
6. Was feeling so low he got his face slapped.
7. Forgot his girlfriend because he forgot where he laid her.
8. Thought the typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period.
9. Thought asphalt was rectum trouble.
10. Called his girlfriend tapioca because she could be made in a minute.
11. Thought Peter Pan was a wash basin in a whorehouse.
12. Thought a sanitary belt was a drink from a clean glass.
13. Definition of a maniac: A Smogarian in a whorehouse with a credit card.
14. Studied five days for a urine test.
15. Thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease.
16. Went to the outhouse, put one leg in each hole and **** himself.
17. Thought a mushroom was a place to neck.
18. Thought manual labor was the President of Mexico.
19. Two Smogarians were sleeping in a farmers field and one got so cold he
got up and shut the gate.
20. Took his preganat wife to the grocery store because he heard they had
free delivery.
21. Put iodine on his paycheck because he got a cut in salary.
22. Wore a union suit because his wife was in labour.
23. Thought "No Kidding" meant birth control.
24. Built a basement in his icehouse and drowned.
25. Picked his nose apart to see what made it run.
26. Married a colored woman so his kids could have chocolate milk.
27. Brought home snow tires but they melted.
28. Thought a woodpecker was something men had to buy when they got old.
29. Dropped his gum in the chicken coop and thought he found it five times.
30. Was told by the doctor he had sugar in his urine so the next morning he
peed on his Wheaties.
***
Senior Citizens Beat Inflation.
A couple aged 67 went to the doctors office. The doctor asked: "What can I
do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sex?" The doctor looked
puzzled, but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, "There
is nothing wrong with the way you have sex." He charged them $16.00. This
happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have
sex, pay the doctor, and leave. Finally, the doctor asked, "Just what
exactly are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "We're not trying to
find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married
and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $50.00. The Hilton
charges $42.00. We do it here for $16.00 and get back $12.50 from Medicare
for a visit to the doctor."
***
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seminars for the Male Population
Once again, the female staff will be offering courses to men of all marital
status. Please note that the names of some courses have been changed.
Attendance is mandatory in at least ten of the following courses:
1. Combatting stupidity
2. You can do housework too.
3. PMS - Learn when to shut your mouth.
4. It's not hysteria, it's anger.
5. We don't want sleazy underthings for Christmas, give us diamonds.
6. The top ten restaurants of Victoria/Vancouver (Nanaimo)
7. Understanding the female response to your coming in drunk at 4 AM
8. Wonderful laundry techniques formerly called "Don't wash my silks"
9. Drawing the perfect bubblebath.
10. Get a life - learn to cook.
11. Ceasing to act like an a*s*o*l* when you are obviously wrong.
12. Understanding your financial incompetence ( Formerly called " Just turn
it over to me if you ever want to own a house instead of cases of empty beer
bottles")
13. You - the weaker sex
14. How the hell should I know where you put your favourite tie?
15. How to stay awake after sex.
16. Reasons to give flowers, other than you've done something wrong.
17. Why it is unacceptable to relieve yourself anywhere other than a washroom.
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