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BLaH Magazine #19
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? ? ? ? ?
BLaH ? ? ? ??? ? ?
File ??? ? ?? ????? Written August 8th, 1992
#019 ? ?ig ?ong ??? ?nd ? ?airy
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Presents
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"So, You've Decided To Have No Life..."
? by ?
Guido Sanchez
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Welcome once again to my mind..
?????A few words on BLaH
As it seems, for being a group in existance for only 2-3 days, with 4
members, and 18 tfiles, we've been doing pretty well. Yay. I'm sure you're
all happy for us. Once again, BLaH is Guido Sanchez, Chessman, Constantine,
and Phritz. Is this really necessary? Didn't think so.
?????Decisions, Decisions...
If you are reading this, you are probably anywhere from 10-20 years old,
prime age for having no life. You're going through, well, you're going through
a time of change <cue biblical music>.. and you may look at members of the
same or opposite sex, and feel a little 'different' about them... and I just
want you to know, that that's ok.. <cue masked gunman blowing [with a gun] my
head off>.
?????But 'seriously', folks...
You seem to be bored. Why else would you be a modemmer and read this tfile?
YOU HAVE NO LIFE! Well, lucky readers, I am here.. here are a few wonderful
little games you can play that take advantage of your having no life.
?????GAME #1 - Whar's them teeth?
If you've got no life, you've probably got grandparents that you see a lot.
Maybe just one of them. And them, being the grandparents to a lifeless grand-
child, will probably have no teeth. It always works out like that. So, what
you shall need for this game is
1 <one> grandparent or other elderly relative with no teeth
1 <one> pair of sneakers, to run really fast
These are the instructions..
1> Find your grandparent.. Watch them closely <this is half the fun>
2> Wait until they remove their false teeth from their jaws
3> Steal them
4> Take the false teeth also
5> Hide them somewhere, somewhere grimy and disgusting
6> Hint to them that you may just possibly know where their teeth are
7> Run away as fast as you can
8> If your relative can run faster than you, immediately produce their false
teeth, offering to spit shine them if they let you live
This game is even MORE fun for relatives with alzheimer's...
STILL bored? Well, you're outside now. Go to the park, and play..
?????GAME #2 - Rapunzel
All you will need is to go outside to a park or something. This game can
be played with 2 or more friends. If you have no friends, go home and play
Kommander Ceen. Here's what to do.
1> Find a cute little buttercup of a girl, with long pigtails
2> Go up to her, and whisper in her ear [do NOT blow.. yet] to look over in
those bushes [where your friends are hiding, right?]
3> Have your friends "moon" her
4> While her jaw gapes open in horror/awe, give them pigtails a GOOD yank
5> Point and laugh at her as her entire skull slips out of her gaping mouth
and right back in again [hopefully].
NOTE: For best effect, play this game with dry skinned girls. The skull tends
not to return into the skin.
SEE?? You're feeling better already! All energetic! As long as you're in
the park, wide open spaces and all, why not play...
?????GAME #3 - Hunt the Hun
Gather up more people, and play this fun variation of "Smear the Queer". What
better way to celebrate years of homophobia in Amerika than to mimic bigotry?
Here's what you will need.
1> Lotsa "friends"
2> Sticks, Stones, anything that breaks bones
3> Wide open spaces
Here's how to play..
1> Choose one person to be The Hun
2> Have everyone close their eyes, and count to 100 <one HUNdred>
3> Let the hun run and hide as he pleases
4> After finished counting, gather up the weapons
5> Do as the title suggests, and hunt him down and beat him to death
6> Draw and quarter the body.. whoever catches the head becomes the next Hun
<variant of the pi?ata game>
7> Start over until EOF <end of friends>
NOTE: Play only with people more than 1 hun-dred years of age, and of some
hunnish decent. Goths <ostro and visa> do not count.
Now that you have no more friends, you truly have no life. Go home and play
Kommander Ceen VII : Aliens Sucked Me Off.
????End of File... Safe-T-Nutz v0.90? says "5326 Bytes Total"???????????????
What are you doing still reading? Go play KCvii!
BLaH <sigh>ts.. where to get more of our crap
new spiffy BLaHfile formats.. with extended ASCII.. why? cause it's ]<?/>?]>.
? ?
Nun-Beaters Anonymous ? <708>251-5094 ? 110/16.8k
The Melting Pot ? <708>965-8965 ? 9600/16.8k <formerly hellbound>
The Insane Asylum ? <305>927-3028 ? 2400/16.8k
The Realm of Death ? <419>475-3089 ? 2400/16.8k
? ?
????Clothesline.. pin pin pin Come here often??????/\?-?-?-?/???/???????????
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