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Pen Cap Chew Issue #8

??- x@ - ? ?? OJ R> H $ H $ $H $H $H $H  2H ? ?H ?H ?H ?H ?H  ?H  ?H ?H ? ?I ?I ?I ? ?I ?I ?I ?I ?I ?I ?I ?I ?I ?I ?I  ?I 4 J A ?I $H ? ?I " Pen Cap Chew
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the world's offical noise and DIY newsletter
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Zines!
Reviews of zines found on Spinonline


And so much other kool stuff, I'm too lazy to write it on the cover!@##@!@!
Contents:
2: The best zines around
3: Bob Dole's ways to run a country (into the ground)
4: Green Day Corporate Magazines Suck
For some strange reason, whenever I go to a store that sells magazines and ask for The Big Takeover get a magazine with some pretty useful stock tips.I only now wish I had some money and knew what uual fund was. Whenever I ask for flipside, I get a book Kato wrote (all four pages) or they tel m Im too young to buy a porn mag, and whenever I ask for Maximum rock'n' roll, I get funny looks.Whee Ilive however, there really are no little punk record stores or anyhting like that. But AOL i ful of tuff like that and often a lot better. Here's some of my faves.
Fecal Matters. Whoever writes this one is pretty cool. How many people can figure out the lyrics toeeswax"? But this zine has tons of useful info on Nirvana, and a lot of other crap. Send your doomcds in!!!
Moderate Rock- The Best Zine in my opinion. According to Spin, my ( evil/angelic?) twin writes thisxcept I think it really sucks when people put lyrics in to there zines. It's stupid to slam this zn,because some stupid metalhead who thinks bush and krokus is kool puts lyrics in his zines. If yu ant figure it out yourself, read the lyric sheet. If you can't then, listen harder. Of course ths i a IY zine, reflective of my attiude and ethics. But the writers have good connections, I don'tknowany abel owners from my area, frankly because there aren't any
SIN although the early version was essentially a Trent Reznor fan club, now it has more reviews thahis zine has in all the issues put together. Plus it's starting to get good interviews set up. My iewas my freind interviewing me...
COE zine- I like this one because the writers like me. I got an offer early on to write and I acceed, but they never asked for anyhting, so I guess I don't write for them anymore.
ZENtertainment news Sean Jordan makes a great online zine, like watching E! only without all of thiJ bullshit. And if you don't like E! (who does?) it's like entertainment tonight without John Teshsrg and bad make up.
LTT I have no clue what the hell LTT stands for... the writers here have created some groundbreakintuff. Listen up mainstream press, hold on newspapers of America, look out Rolling stone, these peol now how to use Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love in diffirent sentances. And they sound pretty knowlgebl about lots of other stuff too.
Cooler Than You There's a lot of common threads amoung zines. Frat boy hatred, punk attiude, qwestible spellin, and a title from a nirvana song or a simple shirt. Tom has some goood ideas about mouti dew, an interesting rewrite of on the road, and he's probably kooler than all of us.
Pen Cap Chew Etiher the thirteen year old who writes this is really smart or...
okay, I've beaten this idea to death.



Do not vote for this man place bob dole pic here
Bob Dole plans to cut the national debt. But will he? and if so, which one?

I bet Bob Dole used to believe in that bullshit "Better dead than red" thing. I'll wager he says still does. But his plan for efficent and effective govenment involes black and white litttle stikr that read "Parental Adviosry Explicit lyrics." How does this reduce the national debt? I'd lik te ake this space to thank Krist Novoselic for standing up to the gray conservetism that runs thenaton ow in his Topspin article.Come write for me. But by censoning things, it's a cheapskate way nd aquic fix, if a cure at all, to society's ills. Yes, that parental advisory CDis really going t helpthosekids who live under a bridge and eat garbage, the kids who live in fear of a bullet enteing thir skul. Advisories mean nothing. I left my Nevemind CD in a hotel room and when I went to gt anothr, ( ths was in Sept 92) it had a sticker on it. There are no cuss words or anyhting sick. he sicket line i "Chew meat for you/pass it back and forth/in a passionate kiss" But there was a Vnity Fairstory whih everyone knows about.
Bob Dole's plan for a better nation just won't work. What's even scarier is that very few people I w are speaking out about it. If elected, he probably will start censoring everything. Then cut eveygvenment plan ever created, costing thousands of jobs. Which screws us even more. Then censorshi gve us a false sense of security adn the feeling that we don't have to set our own values and stadars, omeone else gets to. COMMUNISM. I have nothing against that type of govenment, except that yu cold b dragged out in the street at night and shot. Also, your govenment could repo all of your elongngs. ensorship is associated with communism a great deal. I'm not saying that if Dole is eleced tha we wil become a bunch of commies, but that the govenment could control what goes into our hads. Whch is aainst our Bill of Rights. Just do me a favor and not vote for Dole.
Remember that this is our nation. We control it. We have to face our problems and convince our govment about what is really wrong. We need to have open minds, clear thoughts, and be willing to accctresponsiablity for our actions. Not by placing blame on movies, books, and music.
Hugh Never happened
I'm being real sensational by writing an article on Hugh Grant, but this one is good and believeabl Hugh Grant's sex scandal never occured. Think about it. This is all a sham. He has a new movie coigout. It's not getting spectacular reviews and the advertising needs a little kick. A star in th lmeight, any light any place in the public eye. What better way to do it that to put it on E! andentrtanment tonight? We all know the tabliod TV usually bullshits you. What bullshits you is easiy bulshied. Now Hugh is a star and also a millionare. He finds a hooker and pays her to tell her sory t the ops, who are bribed to stick to it. Hugh has an even better idea. Why not have the hooke deny hey ha sex? That was the stroke of genius, the contrversy, and the genuine crap that fuels E. Now, hey hav the stories straight. Pay the news to convince the world about Hugh. Hugh sets up sme interiews. Inless than 48 hours Hugh is on 48 Hours. Amazing, huh? Now the tabliods, with the hlp of suprimposiston and juxtapose, sweat blood making Hugh look like a cheap playboy.
-In the future- Now Hugh drops away and the guy who shines his shoes is given a raise to say he actly saw Hugh having sex. Then the guy who waxes Hugh's car says that the shines Hugh's shoes has a oane problem. Now the hooker goes on Dateline and says her side of the story while Hugh Downs make hr n offer of his own. Which ignites another scandal and get's this hooker's acting off the strees. Sheis in a movie with Grant and she goes to stardom. This is the perfect way to do everything ad prmotemovies. Start something and let it get toatlly out of hand. Then get the movie mentioned. ine Mnths hould be selling well.
Do I know how to market or what?

( I'd say or what)

Why Green Day Sucks so much
May 1994- I remember riding home on the bus and hearing "Long view" for the first time. My inital ction was "cool, they play Buzzcocks on the radio?" The nation was vunreable from Kurt Cobain's det nd was so addicted to having a figure head that big, that they took the first thing that came alng To bad it wasn't Sonic Youth or Archers of Loaf. They took genuine stupiditiy instead. I borrowd te Geen Day CD off someone who had gotten it early on, just to hear it. It was crap. All the sons wee Bilie Joe faking a british accent and going "duh, uh ,duh" as if he were trying to say someting. Theseguys sounded like Punk rock, but they were a bunch of potheads, they were on a major label, anthey wren't doing anything new.
I was thumbing through one of them corporate magazines. I'll give you a hint whch one it was, Spin.llie Joe tells the story of a kid with ethics, who sent him a letter. Billie ragged about how he pi o get in to lollaplozza. Yeah, at least he wasn't one of the bands playing. BJ was at every sho, hyrag on this kid who was trying to tell him the truth about how incrediably stuipd he sounds an acs. hen he dials the phone number on the letter, and the kid's dad anwsers. Now, if you are 13 lke tis kd and me, where else are you gonna live? This is the clincher, the kid's dad gives BJ hisson'se-mai address. Then Billie Joe says, "who the fuck uses Email? Computers aren't punk" Some o the pople wth the best punk ethics have AOL. Espically the zines :)
Now, after the November 1994 Spin fiasco, Billie says another stupid thing. when asked about moshin"I think it's dumb." You are dumb. This guy has probably smoked two pounds of weed in the last sixmnhs. Listen to him talk. It's hard for him to actually complete a sentance. The only drug the puns kow take is crystal meth. I used to play in a Black Flag cover band ( I played guitar), and if ha taen some speed before the show, I wouldn't fall down and sleep for ten hours afterwards. It atualy wold have helped. But how does being stoned help you out? Make everything clearer by puttingyou aleep?" It helps me cope" BJ said in Musican.
Billie Joe is a fake. He doesn't believe in anarchy, doesn't like moshing, gets stoned, hates compus ( which all Pen Cap Chew readers are full aware are the cutting edge in DIY), his band is on a mjrlabel (DIY not EMI), and he cannot sing worth shit. Of course, you don't have to be talented to b apunk, but his voice is just stupid.
They taped a live concert for MTV. Nirvana did this, too, but didn't play all their hits. Green Daylys everything. If I were in the auidence, I would be insulted. "This song is about you," he says." eclare I don't care no more..." As if everyone who comes to a Green Day show is some toatlly stuidslcker kid who doesn't give a rat's ass about anyhting.
At least it ain't Quarterflash.

The best punk bands of all time
I kinda think that I complain too much about things and am not positive enough, so here's bands tha like,
1.Husker Du-It takes a lot of guts to play in front of any audience, and it takes even more to singrsonal, inward looking lyrics. Anyone can rant and rave and scream bloody murder, but it takes couaeto play the kind of music Husker Du plays. Couragre is punk. Without Husker du, there would be n Nrvna. No Mudhoney. No Sebadoh. No Nothing.
2. Sick of it all- these guys have intergrity. They have a tremendous following and they have an aing amount of talent. The definition of NYC hardcore, speedy drums, angry vocals, and lightning fatgitars.
3. Fugazi- Ian&co. have it all, intergrity, a DIY ethic that has been kept up, a tremendous pedigrecrediablity, and music that's a joy to hear.
4. the Misfits- Glenn Danzig is strange. First he starts off a raging punk band, then a metal band.mhain is in the middle. But the Misfits have catchy songs, a good drummer, and tapes that sound lietey were done in a bedroom. And don't forget Glenn's amazing voice. Check out Walk amoung us if y'r crious
5. Black Flag. certainly the most influental punk band to ever put out a record, Black Flag have sped a cult that still exists. Not only that, but from nervous breakdown to damaged, they've made a elprogression.
6. the Cro mags these punk kings sing about death death and death. Just like the misfits
7. All the SST bands. This is the best punk label of all time. from the descendants to Black Flag, minuitemen to wurm, these bands are almost too influental
8. Allright, Mike Watt isn't exactly a band, but I'm a huge fan of him and I have to say he rules
9. Dead Kennedys- I really don't know if the DKs of Black Flag is better. the Kennedys have a pert name, offensive and yet mysterious. Anyone who gets a crowd of people at a republican conventiontling Nancy Regan to fuck off and die must be cool. That was cool.
10.I'm not ordering these, I'm just on a train of thought, here , so when I say Nirvana, I don't metheir the worst band or whatever.
Nirvana. I don't know how many times I've said this, but without these guys, we could still be listeg to Wilson Phillips. Just changing the mainstream and all other aspects of music is kool to me.

Cheep Thrills, under ten bucks
1 Get a can of spray paint ( 8 bucks) and paint the town florusecnt pink day glo semi gloss.
2. get some koolaid ( 99 cents) and dye that hair
3. Make up a good excuse when your parents catch you
4. go to a thrift store
5. Go to the mall and ask the guys at camelot if they have Archers of Loaf, Pool, Fugazi, Pansy Divon, or Misfits. Take a picture of the look on his face. roll of film, $ 10
6. While at the mall, walk up to the third grade crowd and tell 'em that Green Day sucks. The bestings in life are free.
7. go and see a favorite band (0-10)
8. Crash a party
9. go to a 7-11 and get a slurpee. then another, and another. When the guy running the store says, think you've had enough, young (wo)man," say, "I'll tell you when I've had enough, damn it!"
10. Go to the ocean. Gas Money
11. Sneak into lollaplozza.
12. do one of those lame prank call thingees. then when the guy star sixtynines you, act like he'sankin you.
13. call up someone you love and sing the "all by myself" song into their anwsering machiene. Guitaccompinament is always a plus (depends if it's MCI, AT&T or Sprint)
14. Try anti- perspirant on one arm and deoderant on the other.
15. call up that toll free number and say you know those kids who were wearing those Sonic Youth shs
16. Buy five 3" cds from SST
17. Get your band together and go to a neo nazi convention and play "Nazi Punks Fuck off," "Youth anst facism," and "I've had it" thirty times.
18. Go to the good ol boys round up and burn a klansman. Lighter, 70cents. Gas, depends.
19. Send that special someone a hallmark card.
20. Go to a GOP convention and start moshing
21. Take Parental advoisry stickers off the cds
22. Go to a magazine store and take out that trusty sharpie and give mike billie and trey afros andatees.
23. Teach someone to read
24. Go to Jack in the box and eat a burger. see if you live. 99 cents
25. Go to the zoo. Lot of things to do there
26. Play frog baseball
27. go to the local pool and float on your stomach for like a minute and see if any lifeguards notibetcha ten bucks they won't .
28. go to the bookstore and read a book cover to cover.
29.watch the OJ trial.
Pen Cap Chew Update
We'll, lots has happened since the last letters. Okay, not much. But I need to get a few things off chest. First, Email us @PenKaps insted of HB. Don't worry, I still write it, just the address chag.Also if you have any indie stuff you'd like me to hear, email me and I'll give you some info. I ak tpes, Cds, but no records. unless you want to send me a phillips 438 needle as well. If your bad hs mde a demo send that to me too.
I know this sounds stoopid but, I'm running out of ideas for the zine.( yeah and this is the longeone yes for some reason...) I need more writers and send me a sample of your wrok and I'll have a okee and who knows, I might print it.
Expect changes in the next couple issues. I might put a few pictures in and I'll have a mail thing.ave a nice day :)






















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