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Toxic Custard Workshop - #64
______ ______
| \ / | (Dah.. dah dah.. dah dah.. dah dah.. dah.. dah dah
| \/ | .. dah dah dah dah dah .. dah.. dah dah.. dah dah dah
| *** *** dah.. dah dah dah dah!)
| |\ /*** **
| | \/ | * ** Welcome back to MTC. And now a big world
|_____| |_*___**** premiere. From their forthcoming heavy
MUSIC TOXIC CUSTARD metal opera "Pommy", this is Megabogue,
Number 64 - 30/9/91 with "Brick Wall Painter."
by Daniel Bowen J
------------------- u
s
Ever since I was a young boy, Megabogue t
I've sprayed phones in the mall. "Brick Wall Painter"
>From Footscray to Beaumaris Pommy h
I must have sprayed them all. MoccaSIN o
w
But I ain't seen anything like him,
In any children's court... d
That deaf dumb and blind bogue o
Sure paints a mean brick wall! e
s
He's a brick wall painter Next on MTC: News
He has to be a twit. m
A brick wall painter, y
He's really such a git.
b
Why do you think he does it? I don't know! r
What is the appeal? a
i
Rejection of society, n
Or something deep like that,
That's what the doctors tell us w
But it's a load of crap. o
He's really just a vandal, Megabogue r
And very bad at that... "Brick Wall Painter" k
That deaf dumb and blind bogue Pommy ?
What a stupid twat! MoccaSIN
W
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - h
o
And now for some MTC News, and first of all, architecture.
c
The new Lee Ning tower, which was deliberately built to tilt on an a
angle of 3 degrees (or 37.4 Fahrenheit) has been brought by Pizza Hut n
to be their new world headquarters. You can probably guess what they're
going to call it. The police department rejected the building earlier t
in the month because it wasn't bent. Besides, they didn't get around to e
looking at tenders; they were too busy watching the AFL Grand Final. l
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - l
?
And here comes Hawthorn's half-back Tuck with the ball, a drop punt to
centre half-forward where Brereton's waiting, what a mark! No, sorry, W
what a Dermott! He handpasses straight to Jarman, who was momentarily e
blinded by light reflecting off two hundred Eagles supporters' yellow l
caps in the grandstand nearby. Never mind, they'll be wishing they l
never heard of football once the game's over and Hawthorn has won by ,
the predicted 53 points.
Jarman falls over in a daze as Lockyer for the Eagles grabs the I
ball, only to be set upon by ten surrounding Hawthorn players, and the
umpire stops play for a bounce, due to the confusion over possession, c
and to confuse any overseas viewers who don't understand the rules. The a
ball is knocked out by the Eagles' Pyke, who is then knocked out by n
Platten, who is still in a mean mood after pranging the car last week. ,
Condon grabs the ball for Hawthorn, and kicks to Brereton, another
mark for Brereton who if he touched his own balls as much as he's a
touched this one during the game, would be completely blind already. c
And I bet we get castrated by the broadcasting tribunal for that one. t
Brereton lines up with goal.. he kicks McIntosh in the shin before u
kicking the ball between the two big posts down at the end of the a
ground there.. Another goal for Hawthorn, and the Hawthorn fans up a l
notch in enthusiasm, and the Eagles fans go down a notch in depression. l
That makes the score 19 18 to 13 7, or for Australian viewers, who y
probably can't handle the multiplication, and anyone who doesn't .
understand the weird scoring system, Hawthorn lead the Eagles 132 to
86. And now we'll take a quick thirty second commercial break so we can T
pay for this telecast and be back just a bit too late to miss the next h
bounce of the ball. e
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
a
DIARY MONDAY 30TH SEPTEMBER n
s
Got up. Stretched quite a lot. Purred a bit. Went to back door to go w
outside to relieve myself. It was raining, so I tried the front e
instead. I asked Owner#1 to turn off the rain and make it a bit warmer r
out there, but he didn't do anything. And he seemed angry that I didn't
want to go out after all. Who wants to go out for a crap when it's i
freezing cold? The Owners manage to keep the weather inside house warm s
enough, and turn on the suns on and off, so why won't they do it for ,
me, when I want to go out?
In the afternoon, when it had stopped raining, I decided to get i
Owner#2 a peace offering. I found her a very nice fresh bird, but she t
just made a noise and gestured at me to get rid of it. I tried to
insist, but then Owner#1 came and put it in the container thing in the d
corner. I tried to get it back out again, but couldn't reach up to the o
opening. e
I complained about dinner while Owner#2 was getting it ready for s
me. I must have said "I don't want that bloody Whiskas muck again" a n
hundred times, but did she listen? No! When will they get used to the '
fact that I'm sick of Sardine And Salmon? t
After dinner I went out to watch the lights going past along the .
black thing. Funny how those lights usually go past in pairs. I knew
there was a storm coming, so I tried to get back inside. The Owners I
were watching their box, so I had to shout at the window for a while
before they let me in. They took their bloody time, I was soaking wet t
by the time they opened the door for me. Still, I thanked them anyway, h
by rubbing myself on their legs in appreciation. i
n
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ k
In a further setback to the whole of humanity today, you .
have just been reading another of the Toxic Custard Workshop .
Files. Back-issues are available; reply to this, or e-mail .
[email protected] for details.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
--
Copyright © 1991 Daniel Bowen.
--
Daniel Bowen, Monash University | Toxic Custard Workshop Files
Melbourne, Australia--------------| [email protected]
[email protected] |--------------------------------
[email protected] | Why are historians so backward?
--
Daniel Bowen, Monash University | LEGALISE
Melbourne, Australia-------------| CANNIBALISM
[email protected] | NOW!
[email protected] |
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